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Original poster

Would it bother you how many people your partner has slept with?

231 replies

Bottomlesspit21 · 08/03/2021 20:30

Name changed for this!

Exactly as the title says really...

My boyfriend asked me how many people I’ve slept with and I answered honestly. I know my number is really high compared to most - 120/130 people and I’m 29. Not proud of it as a lot were whilst hammered but it is what it is!
Since he’s asked he’s struggled with the fact and says it’s dirty etc, makes him feel insecure and finds it off putting I guess. I can’t change the past though so not sure what I can do about it now but I don’t want to be made to feel like a terrible person or punished because of it either!

So, would it put you off? Or is it irrelevant? Would you judge if the number is too high/low?

OP posts:
Ikora · 09/03/2021 01:37

I am just amazed that men or women can be attracted to such high numbers of people enough to want to get that intimate with them.

Pyewackect · 09/03/2021 01:56

So if you were dating a guy who had slept with a different woman nearly every month over the last 13 years it wouldn’t worry you ?. Really , coz it would me.

Cameleongirl · 09/03/2021 02:02

I'm sorry that he's reacted in this way, it's nasty. I think, however, that his reaction tells you that you're not compatible long-term.

okokok000 · 09/03/2021 02:22

@PicaK

Dirty? Bin this man. He'll always have this at the back of his mind. Please find someone else who doesn't judge.
Agree with this. When you you may find it being thrown in your face.

I've never understood the need to share this info. I've honestly never shared this info with any partner incl my now husband. I just don't see how it is relevant. The past is the past.

1forAll74 · 09/03/2021 02:22

I would never have asked this question, as it's not relevant at all. But some people do ask for whatever reasons. Your is a high number, but some men will be aghast at this,, even though they themselves, have slept with 300 women !

Shnuffles · 09/03/2021 02:39

Honestly? Yes, a huge discrepancy between my number and his probably would affect how I felt about a potential partner.

Not everyone feels the same way about these things. You may not be compatible, if it bothers him that much (or if it bothers you that it bothered him).

PerveenMistry · 09/03/2021 02:53

@emilyfrost

I would judge anyone—male or female—who slept with even a quarter of your number. That’s obscene and I would think there was something wrong, so yes, it would massively put me off.
I have to agree. Not on a morals basis but from an aesthetic standpoint it's rather unsavory and off putting.

In future I'd recommend declining to answer rather than baldy stating a triple digit.

Shnuffles · 09/03/2021 02:58

For those saying it's misogynistic to not like the idea of a partner with a high number, what about women who don't want a husband who's slept with a hundred women? Is that misandry?

Some people have no problem with casual sex, others do (and seek a partner who has a similar outlook). It's not always proof of sexism or double standards.

Clumsyvolcano · 09/03/2021 04:14

Sorry but yes it would put me off. You can have a full STI screen yes but they don’t test for things like genital herpes or warts unless the person has symptoms. Both of them STI’s a person can carry for years and pass on without symptoms so it won’t necessarily be picked up with a screening.

People saying someone’s number is not relevant, well yes it is to people who care about their sexual health.

I know someone could lie etc but if I came to know a man who I wanted to take that step with had been with a load of women before me then I’d be put right off.

This is why there’s such a problem with STI’s in the world, nobody thinks anything of it and a lot of people also don’t use condoms but in any case condoms aren’t 100% so the more people you sleep with the higher your risk.

Sapho47 · 09/03/2021 04:19

This is why there’s such a problem with STI’s in the world, nobody thinks anything of it and a lot of people also don’t use condoms but in any case condoms aren’t 100% so the more people you sleep with the higher your risk.

Blame those catholics going round telling half the world you'll go to hell for using q condom

Wallywobbles · 09/03/2021 05:23

Best not to ask or answer this question. Ever.

Exh used it as one of many sticks to beat me with.

StarlightLady · 09/03/2021 05:42

It’s nothing to do with anybody else.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 09/03/2021 05:50

The number wouldn't bother me but I'd like to think they'd been having safe sex. But then I'd like to think that of anyone!

HeartsAndClubs · 09/03/2021 06:07

What article are you writing here op? Hmm

It would put me off. Because someone who could sleep with 130 women by the age of 29 I would consider incapable of having a serious relationship and would think that he viewed me as nothing more than another notch on his bedpost. Grim.

StarlightLady · 09/03/2021 06:08

@Waxonwaxoff0 - Perfect approach.

I’ve been criticised for saying this before, but unless you are in a monogamous long term relationship, smart women carry condoms in their handbag.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 09/03/2021 06:22

@MixedUpFiles

couldn't answer this question because I stopped counting in my mid twenties. I'd say it's under 50 probably. All that matters was that I was safe and no STIs were caught.

I came of age in the era where we were expected to keep lists and exchange them with potential partners. They were also necessary for contact tracing in case you ever got a positive std result. Everyone on your list had to be contacted. This was drilled into us so strongly that I can’t even wrap my head around the idea that there are people who don’t keep the lists anymore.

I'm 56, and certainly don't remember this!

I'm impressed you kept count, OP 😂

Wiredforsound · 09/03/2021 06:37

His attitude absolutely sucks. How dare he call you dirty. He’s most likely furious because you’ve had more partners than him. If he wants to judge you, let him. - he’s not the man for you.

ShadierThanaPalmTree · 09/03/2021 07:16

I wouldn't ask this question, it's private and I'm not a teenager. But honestly, if I somehow found out that a bloke I was seeing had A) kept count of how many people he had slept with and B) that number was 3 digits, it would put me right off.

Fatladyslim · 09/03/2021 07:19

Yes, his reaction would out me off. I would get rid persoanlly.

If the tables were turned, no one would say it was dirty that a man had slept with 120/130 people

Maddiemademe · 09/03/2021 07:28

If 120-130 is high then he would have a heart attack at mine. I estimate around 5000 (I was and escort and porn star for a good few years though.) if I counted without clients probably 150ish? I couldn’t care less what anyone thinks though and my dp knows and doesn’t care. I was always safe and tested.

boobot1 · 09/03/2021 07:34

@Ikora

I am just amazed that men or women can be attracted to such high numbers of people enough to want to get that intimate with them.
This, I fancy maybe 1 in a 1000Confused
diagold4u · 09/03/2021 07:41

At what point did you think taht kind of honesty would be great.
Over 100 is a hell of a lot even if it were a man. I don't blame your boyfriend, it makes you look easy, you should end it with him and this won't end well otherwise

Tal45 · 09/03/2021 07:52

Would he think it was dirty if he'd slept with that number?
Personally if a man had slept with that number and had never had a long term relationship I'd think he was probably a player and be wary. If he'd slept with that number and had relationships as well that would be different. I'd much rather he was honest about it though.

Divebar2021 · 09/03/2021 07:56

I came of age in the era where we were expected to keep lists and exchange them with potential partners

What era was this then @MixedUpFiles? I’ve never heard of anyone exchanging lists with a potential partner. The OPs partner was exceptionally juvenile to ask and she was unwise to answer - it wasn’t anyone else’s business. I would query why anyone would legitimately ask that question.

Shoxfordian · 09/03/2021 08:17

At least you found out you’re dating someone who judges you. Dump him

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