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Original poster

Husband's pants

213 replies

NoGoodOptions · 08/03/2021 12:46

Hello!
So, I'm in a bit of a dispute with my DH. He was upset not to have clean pants ready in his drawers. Laundry is one of my chores (We split the housework between he and I, but I still end up doing more as I keep things running day to day with all the cooking, laundry, dishes). I didn't consider it such a big deal for him to fetch a pair from the dryer and carry on drying it quickly using our blow dryer. But he flipped and has been going on about it for the past two days, interrogating me about whether he will have clean pants in his drawer or if he'll have to blow dry another pair tomorrow? Eventually I lost my patience and said if he were that concerned, he could wash them himself. He flipped and dropped his tea and cup all over the kitchen floor (threw his toys out of the pram). I don't get it. There have been plenty of times in my life where I've needed to hand wash or quickly dry items of clothing. I earn three times what he does, so it's not like this is my contribution to the house. Just now I told him that I wasn't tidying the tea fro. The floor, he said he'd already done it but then said we weren't going to eat lunch together and got really cross. I mean, this is childish, right? I'm still doing his laundry and he now has a dozen pairs of pants in his drawer so I really don't get the upset. I'm generally very forgiving and understanding and believe in being happy rather than right... but how can I be wrong about this???

OP posts:
kunterbunting · 08/03/2021 17:04

@Regularsizedrudy

You’re in an abusive relationship
Blimey.
LemonDrizzles · 08/03/2021 17:13

Buy more pants.

Bluntness100 · 08/03/2021 17:20

@fishonabicycle

If you do the cooking, washing up, laundry and home schooling etc, what the fuck are his jobs?
Well I’d assume the house also gets cleaned, the garden done, and the bins emptied. That’s not like a total amount of jobs to be done in a home..Confused

Just buy more pants. Op do you do daily laundry because you all don’t have enough clothes?

HugeAckmansWife · 08/03/2021 17:23

I would imagine the "earning three times as much" is to offset those posters who would defend the poor man for having to WORK and therefore can't possibly be expected to mention, "oh I'm down to my last pair of pants - is there some in the wash now? "
I get having allocated tasks but who wouldn't, in that scenario, flag up to the laundry person "when you put the wash on tomorrow can you make sure my pants go in please?" - you know, like my 11 year old does.

TillyTopper · 08/03/2021 17:33

Tbh if laundry is one of your chores I'd be really annoyed if I had to keep drying things with a hair dryer, that's ridiculous. Why not just buy more pants if you can't keep up with it? However chucking his cup on the floor because of it is horrible behaviour.

3beesinmybonnet · 08/03/2021 17:49

I think it depends whether he puts his dirty underpants in the washing basket every day and you haven't washed them, or he saves them in a smelly heap by the side of the bed then when he runs out of clean ones he sneaks them into the washing basket and asks if you've done any washing recently because he's got no clean underpants.

Either way buying 2 dozen more pairs would avoid the problem, but his tantrumming is wrong and you shouldn't give in to it.

HTH1 · 08/03/2021 17:54

Wow!!! He earns one third of the income and then has a childish temper tantrum about you washing his pants! That would never “wash” in my house.

SoulofanAggron · 08/03/2021 17:58

if laundry is one of your chores I'd be really annoyed if I had to keep drying things with a hair dryer, that's ridiculous

@TillyTopper I think OP said it was pretty much a one-off. Most people make some minor mistake in life occasionally, especially if they have a lot of things to juggle.

@NoGoodOptions You might not feel you're in an abusive relationship, but as you've said, his behaviour wasn't ok. Keep an eye on things and how you're being treated going forward. x

frazzledasarock · 08/03/2021 18:04

No way on earth would anyone say to a man who came on here saying, I do the laundry, cooking and cleaning and have been doing the homeschooling, I work full time and also earn three times more than DW so am also the main breadwinner. I’ve been doing laundry but DW’s knickers must have been under the ever present pile of laundry to she ran out of knickers before the laundry load of her knickers was properly dry.

I suggested to her she quick dry a pair and she totally lost it with me and threw her cup of tea on the floor and hasn’t spoken to me for two days.

Am I in the wrong here.

All the posters saying oooh OP has chosen to do these chore so an occasional oversight given her work load is completely unforgivable. Would be utterly tearing the blocks wife apart for her abusive behaviour.

The H sounds nasty and abusive. Regardless of whether OP feels he is.

Surely any sane rational person would ask for their OH to include underpants in the next wash if they noticed they were running low or do a load themselves.

Unless OP is walking fifty miles to the nearest stream to thrash the laundry clean on rocks, it’s not actually a big deal at all to load a Washburn’s if you’re running out of clean clothes.

What are the H’s chores?

blahfuckingblah · 08/03/2021 18:11

@TillyTopper

Tbh if laundry is one of your chores I'd be really annoyed if I had to keep drying things with a hair dryer, that's ridiculous. Why not just buy more pants if you can't keep up with it? However chucking his cup on the floor because of it is horrible behaviour.
Why do posters have to make things up? One time drying (not washing, just drying) fail. One time with the hairdryer suggestion. That means he doesn't have to "keep on" doing anything, and that does not mean that the OP cannot keep up. She is washing (and sounds like she's doing pretty much everything else) every day.

Why don't you think he can buy his own pants?

blahfuckingblah · 08/03/2021 18:13

And also, has nobody having vapours over the hairdryer suggestion ever had to chuck something on a radiator to dry it out before wearing it? There's not much conceptual difference between that and a hairdryer.

Bluntness100 · 08/03/2021 18:24

@HTH1

Wow!!! He earns one third of the income and then has a childish temper tantrum about you washing his pants! That would never “wash” in my house.
Why? Are chores split by who earns rhe most? If you earn less you need to do more? What’s what rhey earn got to do with it. It should be about the hours they work.

I earn more than my husband. I don’t tell him he needs to do twice as much housework as me as some form of punishment, we split it. Equally. Because we noth work full time. That’s normal and right.

StoneofDestiny · 08/03/2021 18:29

Washing is hardly a chore - just a press of a button. But a pile up of 12 dirty pairs - ugh

Sally2791 · 08/03/2021 18:33

He’s a brat. Bet this isn’t the only example either. I hopefully he never,ever fails on his duties. Twat.

badpuma · 08/03/2021 18:34

@StoneofDestiny

Washing is hardly a chore - just a press of a button. But a pile up of 12 dirty pairs - ugh
That depends on the ages of your children and what sports they do.
user64332 · 08/03/2021 18:35

Urgh! God his behaviour was absolutely vile. I would rethink the chores immediately. Each do your own laundry and both put on some of the kids stuff with your own.

I'm curious to hear what exactly his fair division of chores are if you do ALL the laundry including his pants, all the cooking and all the dishes? Doesn't leave much. Does he only.do bins, bathroom, hoovering? I can't think what else there could be. Are you working longer hours too if you are earning 3x as much?

Kitdeluca1 · 08/03/2021 18:40

You’ve already said you do the greater share of the house work, then for him to go off like that!!
I’m a stay at home mum so my share of the household is in fact doing everything but if for whatever reason I didn’t and my DP reacted like that the petty bitch in me wouldn’t wash so much as a single sock of his until he apologises for his dickish behaviour!

Kitdeluca1 · 08/03/2021 18:41

Same as @user64332 actually I’d quite like to hear what his share of the workload is!

HugeAckmansWife · 08/03/2021 18:42

Is just pants.. Just cloth. Why 'ugh'? Seriously?

YoComoManzanas · 08/03/2021 18:47

This is bizarre. I'm a sahm so do all of the laundry. Even when the washer was broken for 2weeks dh didn't run out of pants. One of you needs to buy more pants. My dh would buy his own because he is a grown up and I'm not his PA. He certainly wouldn't react badly if by some wierd circumstance where all his pants got shredded and he ran out. He would probably laugh and recount the time at uni where he couldn't be bothered to go to the laundry for 2weeks and turned his pants inside out.

year5teacher · 08/03/2021 18:52

There is LITERALLY no interpretation in which he wasn’t being absolutely outrageously unreasonable. Fine, be annoyed about it but throwing tea on the floor TWO DAYS LATER?? Get to fuck.

Templetree · 08/03/2021 18:55

@NoGoodOptions

Hello! So, I'm in a bit of a dispute with my DH. He was upset not to have clean pants ready in his drawers. Laundry is one of my chores (We split the housework between he and I, but I still end up doing more as I keep things running day to day with all the cooking, laundry, dishes). I didn't consider it such a big deal for him to fetch a pair from the dryer and carry on drying it quickly using our blow dryer. But he flipped and has been going on about it for the past two days, interrogating me about whether he will have clean pants in his drawer or if he'll have to blow dry another pair tomorrow? Eventually I lost my patience and said if he were that concerned, he could wash them himself. He flipped and dropped his tea and cup all over the kitchen floor (threw his toys out of the pram). I don't get it. There have been plenty of times in my life where I've needed to hand wash or quickly dry items of clothing. I earn three times what he does, so it's not like this is my contribution to the house. Just now I told him that I wasn't tidying the tea fro. The floor, he said he'd already done it but then said we weren't going to eat lunch together and got really cross. I mean, this is childish, right? I'm still doing his laundry and he now has a dozen pairs of pants in his drawer so I really don't get the upset. I'm generally very forgiving and understanding and believe in being happy rather than right... but how can I be wrong about this???
You are not wrong OP. Your DH has behave appallingly. Please tell me you stuck to your pledge that he can wash his own bloody pants from now on!?
2021Vision · 08/03/2021 18:57

Actually OP I think your DH has handed you an outstanding opportunity!

The 'division' of labour clearly isn't working, time to reset. A great opportunity for him to step up. Next time he might think before he throws his toys out of his pram, he clearly doesn't know what side his bread is buttered on.

Really OP you need to grasp this opportunity, dig your heels in, don't let him get away with it anymore.

SoulofanAggron · 08/03/2021 19:17

And also, has nobody having vapours over the hairdryer suggestion ever had to chuck something on a radiator to dry it out before wearing it? There's not much conceptual difference between that and a hairdryer.

@blahfuckingblah Hell, in a pinch, I've been known to just put them on if they're still a bit damp.

frazzledasarock · 08/03/2021 19:31

I run a warm iron over damp clothes that I need to wear

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