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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband's pants

213 replies

NoGoodOptions · 08/03/2021 12:46

Hello!
So, I'm in a bit of a dispute with my DH. He was upset not to have clean pants ready in his drawers. Laundry is one of my chores (We split the housework between he and I, but I still end up doing more as I keep things running day to day with all the cooking, laundry, dishes). I didn't consider it such a big deal for him to fetch a pair from the dryer and carry on drying it quickly using our blow dryer. But he flipped and has been going on about it for the past two days, interrogating me about whether he will have clean pants in his drawer or if he'll have to blow dry another pair tomorrow? Eventually I lost my patience and said if he were that concerned, he could wash them himself. He flipped and dropped his tea and cup all over the kitchen floor (threw his toys out of the pram). I don't get it. There have been plenty of times in my life where I've needed to hand wash or quickly dry items of clothing. I earn three times what he does, so it's not like this is my contribution to the house. Just now I told him that I wasn't tidying the tea fro. The floor, he said he'd already done it but then said we weren't going to eat lunch together and got really cross. I mean, this is childish, right? I'm still doing his laundry and he now has a dozen pairs of pants in his drawer so I really don't get the upset. I'm generally very forgiving and understanding and believe in being happy rather than right... but how can I be wrong about this???

OP posts:
LittleTiger007 · 08/03/2021 14:12

If he has a dozen pants and he had none left, then that’s a pretty serious lapse in pulling your side of the bargain... ie you haven’t done any washing for a fortnight?
So I can kinda see his point as long as he’s doing his side of the arrangement.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 08/03/2021 14:12

Did you ever in your life think that you would start a thread on a public forum entitled Husband's Pants?

I don't know. But 'Husband Shows His Arse' sounds very appropriate.

SoulofanAggron · 08/03/2021 14:13

It's abusive. Trying to control you and manipulate and denigrate you for not having everything perfect one time so he would've had to spend a few minutes drying a small item. Then being sarcastic about it for days after.

The deliberately smashing an item is a bad sign, can be a really bad one. It's designed to intimidate/frighten you.

BashfulClam · 08/03/2021 14:14

This is why dividing chores this way never works. If you get bogged down elsewhere something will slip. We do a specific underwear wash every week on a Saturday. It’s no one’s task and be if us will just say ‘I’ll go get the scants and socks for washing”, the cloths etc go on too. For other laundry if we need something or the basket looks a bit full we’ll stick in a load. I might say to DH or him to me ‘I’m putting a dark wash on do you need anything done?’ We put away our own dry washing and if you DH did that he might have noticed he had less pants than he needed.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/03/2021 14:15

Poor diddums didn’t have any kecks left and didn’t think to tell you. His reaction is way ott.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 08/03/2021 14:16

Wtaf?! What does he even do at home then???
Tell him to get a grip and do his own laundry in future...

LakieLady · 08/03/2021 14:16

YABVU in not filming the No Pants Tantrum and sticking on YT for us all to enjoy.

And he is a ridiculous manchild. Can't drive, can't manage his own underwear - what is he actually for?

Luffsmypup · 08/03/2021 14:16

What @Clymene says.

If my husband had thrown a cup of tea on the kitchen floor in a fit of temper because he had no pants, I’d have kicked him out the front door and slammed it behind him.

HollowTalk · 08/03/2021 14:17

So when he took his last pair out of the drawer yesterday, did he not think of either putting a wash on or asking you to (if he is so incapable)?

If someone at work forgot to top up the photocopier with paper and it ran out while he was copying, would he throw a cup on the floor?

KatherineSiena · 08/03/2021 14:17

But what does he do to contribute to the household? You earn most of the money, cook, laundry (ok you messed up this time), wash dishes, homeschool, arrange child related things, drive. There really isn’t anything left and he responds to a lapse on your part by a big, fat tantrum.

You really need to rethink your division of chores. Personally I’d be doing a big rethink of everything.

SunshineCake · 08/03/2021 14:18

Both in the wrong but he's more wrong. Also, he should have mentioned his pant pile was getting low, or even better just put a load on.

TheOrigRights · 08/03/2021 14:23

I think you need to do more efficient laundry.
If he has 12 pairs of pants, you do a load every day, but there were none clean and dry then it indicates the system is breaking down somewhere.

All that said, his reaction was awful.

Whatwouldscullydo · 08/03/2021 14:27

I think you need to do more efficient laundry
If he has 12 pairs of pants, you do a load every day, but there were none clean and dry then it indicates the system is breaking down somewhere

Perhaps the "system " wouldn't "break down" if he saw he got low on pants and put a load on himself rather than having the " its her job" mentality. Who here would refuse to out the bins.out as it " wasn't your job" and your dh/dw/dc were running late that morning and forgot.

Just do what u see needs doing amd don't pile it all on your partner

blahfuckingblah · 08/03/2021 14:27

@LittleTiger007

If he has a dozen pants and he had none left, then that’s a pretty serious lapse in pulling your side of the bargain... ie you haven’t done any washing for a fortnight? So I can kinda see his point as long as he’s doing his side of the arrangement.
Why don't you try reading the OP's posts? She says:

But I do the laundry at least once a day. It happened that none of his pants ended up going through, I haven't done the analysis to see why it's the case but it happened (more towels and table cloth this week 🤷‍♀️). I don't check his drawer every day to see how the stock is looking... I would expect an adult, if concerned, would alert me to it or get on and take action.

PegasusReturns · 08/03/2021 14:28

Throwing tea on the floor is a disgrace but if DHs agreed job was the laundry and he hadn’t done any of my underwear for 12 days I’d be pretty irritated.

GreenBalaclava · 08/03/2021 14:29

He is massively in the wrong here.

PegasusReturns · 08/03/2021 14:31

But I do the laundry at least once a day. It happened that none of his pants ended up going through

But part of being responsible for laundry is ensuring that what needs to get done, gets done. So if he is putting pants in the basket the least you should be doing is ensuring that you have half an eye on whether any pants have gone in for over a week.

MixedUpFiles · 08/03/2021 14:32

Predicated on a fair division of labor....

Your nonchalant attitude would have pissed me off to no end. A normal response to no pants would be an apology and an offer to dry them yourself or if you truly didn’t have time, suggest he dry them and apologize again. Mistakes happen. The problem is that you acted like it wasn’t a problem.

Now, throwing tea on the floor, not acceptable. But I don’t think you can’t fault him for getting frustrated.

And if the division of labor is not fair in that yours is all time sensitive and his can be done whenever he has time free, then it needs to be adjusted.

MuddleMoo · 08/03/2021 14:32

Assuming fair division of labour and pants are your role then I can see why he would be a bit annoyed. But his reaction seems OTT. Is there anything else going on?

gannett · 08/03/2021 14:33

I do the laundry and expect DP to tell me if his stocks of anything are running low so I can prioritise. I don't do audits of his drawers. Though we all have enough underwear that it's never been an issue. If it was the other way round, no underwear coming back in the time I'd put 12 pairs in would be very annoying and cause for a sarky remark but not smashing a cup of tea, that's an overreaction.

MuddleMoo · 08/03/2021 14:33

Maybe keep one pair aside as emergancy pants?

Boho7 · 08/03/2021 14:34

@Oldraver

I'd be using his clean pants to mop up the tea
This GrinGrin
Serendipity79 · 08/03/2021 14:34

So his pants didn't get washed because he's a big man-child who hides them/throws them on the floor a bit like my kids do, and then throws them in the basket and expects them all to be washed dried and back in the drawer by the morning I'm guessing? We work on a strict "not in the basket doesn't get washed" rule here, and sounds like you do too!

Overall though, having been the person who earns more, does more with kids/childcare, drives and does more of the housework - its a tale that didn't end well for me. And although not overtly abusive, his behaviours still wrong. He isn't 12 and you're not his mum.

Norwaydidnthappen · 08/03/2021 14:35

Laundry is one of your chores and he owns 12 pairs of pants so this means you failed to do laundry for almost 2 weeks, pretty gross and I’d be annoyed too.

CleverCatty · 08/03/2021 14:35

What I'd do to ensure DH has clean pants - is buy him some more - e.g. have lots of back up pairs (I do this with my knickers) so he always has a spare pair.

It's not the end of the world not washing and drying pants and his reaction is way over the top.

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