Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband's pants

213 replies

NoGoodOptions · 08/03/2021 12:46

Hello!
So, I'm in a bit of a dispute with my DH. He was upset not to have clean pants ready in his drawers. Laundry is one of my chores (We split the housework between he and I, but I still end up doing more as I keep things running day to day with all the cooking, laundry, dishes). I didn't consider it such a big deal for him to fetch a pair from the dryer and carry on drying it quickly using our blow dryer. But he flipped and has been going on about it for the past two days, interrogating me about whether he will have clean pants in his drawer or if he'll have to blow dry another pair tomorrow? Eventually I lost my patience and said if he were that concerned, he could wash them himself. He flipped and dropped his tea and cup all over the kitchen floor (threw his toys out of the pram). I don't get it. There have been plenty of times in my life where I've needed to hand wash or quickly dry items of clothing. I earn three times what he does, so it's not like this is my contribution to the house. Just now I told him that I wasn't tidying the tea fro. The floor, he said he'd already done it but then said we weren't going to eat lunch together and got really cross. I mean, this is childish, right? I'm still doing his laundry and he now has a dozen pairs of pants in his drawer so I really don't get the upset. I'm generally very forgiving and understanding and believe in being happy rather than right... but how can I be wrong about this???

OP posts:
starfishy · 08/03/2021 15:56

Even if you should have had the pants washed it's a complete overreaction to be going on about it for 2 days. And the tea cup thing is just mental, bordering on abusive.
It does also sound like you do more of the chores anyway so your DH should be cutting you some slack on one mistake.

Joolsin · 08/03/2021 15:56

YANBU.

Also, gobsmacked by the posters suggesting OP should buy him more pants. He can buy his own pants, he's an adult and she's not his mother.

Paleodiet · 08/03/2021 15:58

How infantile is he? Is he usually such a nag? He is reacting childishly over nothing. If he is that bothered, he could a) dry his pants without a fuss, b) buy some more pants, and/or c) take over the laundry. No doubt there are people who never make mistakes/ommissions with household tasks but few of us are perfect!

ittakes2 · 08/03/2021 16:01

I think you are both being silly. Just buy some more pants.

Appledrop · 08/03/2021 16:06

Why have most people on this thread not noticed the OP said that pants were available to her OH in the dryer, this suggests that OP's OH pants were washed as per agreement. They just hadn't been dried!!

BehindMyEyes · 08/03/2021 16:08

You obviously thinks it's important that you earn three times what he does ? How does that come into it?

Crystalvas · 08/03/2021 16:11

What a dick. Your not his housekeeper or his maid. If hes so concerned about his pants tell him to put on a bloody a wash then.

Jumpers268 · 08/03/2021 16:11

Fascinating thread Confused. I do agree with @SausageBeanz though. OP doesn't say he threw the cup on the floor or at her. It sounds like he got frustrated that she hadn't accepted any responsibility for a chore she had agreed to do and then hadn't done. Although, I don't think we have the full story. Hard to relate as I've never had to dry pants with a hairdryer before.

Sugarbelle · 08/03/2021 16:15

flipped and dropped his cup...I dont think OP means he accidentally dropped it lol.

flipped is slang for lose your temper/react angrily.

irregularegular · 08/03/2021 16:17

I can't believe the number of posters who have mainly replied to say that you are in the wrong for letting him run out of pants! A minor failure of housekeeping does NOT justify going on about if for days and certainly doesn't justify throwing his cup of tea on the floor. That is stupid, immature, and (yes) possibly abusive behaviour if it is part of a pattern and not just some weird one off. My husband does all the laundry and I wouldn't dream of criticizing if he got a bit behind, or the ironing wasn't great, or whatever. Any more than he would make me feel bad if we ran out of some food stuff or dinner was a bit late (shopping and cooking is my job).

And it doesn't sound like the chores are evenly divided anyway if you are doing dishes/cooking/laundry/driving/most admin. What does he do??

Jumpers268 · 08/03/2021 16:19

You'd think you'd say flipped and threw his cup on the floor, not dropped it. Like I say not enough information. It's just odd on both parts if I'm honest. Laundry is my chore and if OH had ran out of pants (can't see it happening), I'd say oh shit sorry. Can't see him reacting like OP's husband but then I don't think it would escalate to that point. It's just a bit odd.

SausageBeanz · 08/03/2021 16:21

@irregularegular

I can't believe the number of posters who have mainly replied to say that you are in the wrong for letting him run out of pants! A minor failure of housekeeping does NOT justify going on about if for days and certainly doesn't justify throwing his cup of tea on the floor. That is stupid, immature, and (yes) possibly abusive behaviour if it is part of a pattern and not just some weird one off. My husband does all the laundry and I wouldn't dream of criticizing if he got a bit behind, or the ironing wasn't great, or whatever. Any more than he would make me feel bad if we ran out of some food stuff or dinner was a bit late (shopping and cooking is my job).

And it doesn't sound like the chores are evenly divided anyway if you are doing dishes/cooking/laundry/driving/most admin. What does he do??

No one has said it justified it - folk have said completely the opposite, that the frustration doesn't justify the reaction.

On the issue of the chore though, which was the question being asked, some posters have agreed they'd be annoyed/frustrated/enter emotion here too.

Like a previous poster, hard situation to relate with, I've never had to use a hair dryer for a pair of pants in the morning either. Thankfully.

Jumpers268 · 08/03/2021 16:22

Although I should add that if he'd passive aggressively said to me for 2 days after; "oh am I going to have clean pants tomorrow I wonder" all of his pants would've been in the bin.

mybonnieliesovertheocean2 · 08/03/2021 16:23

Am I reading the same thread as others?

This man lost his shit over a pair of pants and has gone on about it for two days. It doesnt matter that the situation is rectified, or that the man could have noticed his own drawer was empty the day before and mentioned it. No he has to berate his wife for two days then flip out dropping his cup in the process. As for earning more- I am glad to see that the OP doeas as it is unusual on MN so at least if he continues being a cock you can separate without being financially reliant on him

Tiktaktoe · 08/03/2021 16:26

I think you need to relook at the chores. He can do his own fucking washing!
His tantrum worked though didn't it? You knew it wasn't the end of the world and you did his washing. He still wouldn't let it go and when you challenged him he escalated his behaviour and now you are here wondering if you were wrong!
You say you aren't in an abusive relationship, I hate to break it to you, you're not in a good one either!
You work full time, yet do most of the housework, child care and wife work and yet when things aren't exactly as he wishes he behaves like that? He would get the bollocking of all bollockings if he was my husband. How fucking dare he behave like that!

ThePlantsitter · 08/03/2021 16:26

I think even if the laundry isn't your chore, clean pants are a personal necessity and so everyone except kids should be personally responsible for ensuring they have enough even if someone else is washing them.

Also I think throwing tea at any dropped household ball is a wanker move.

Also I don't think you share the chores equally.

Rainallnight · 08/03/2021 16:34

I cannot believe all the bosom hoiking here at another woman for being a bit behind with her washing. Man needs to buy himself more pants, for God’s sake.

averylongtimeago · 08/03/2021 16:36

I don't care if this adult bloke didn't have any clean pants- what stands out for me is that he threw his tea and food on the floor and has been sulking for two days!!!

I mean - pants still in the dryer, bit annoying but really? There are people on here that think his behaviour is in any way justified?

Bluntness100 · 08/03/2021 16:39

How odd. How many pairs of pants does he have? If you do the laundry daily, he can’t have that many, as otherwise why would you pick his pants out and leave them.

Also why did he drop his tea, was it on purpose? What a strange little man he is. Poor you.

fishonabicycle · 08/03/2021 16:56

If you do the cooking, washing up, laundry and home schooling etc, what the fuck are his jobs?

WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo · 08/03/2021 16:58

You have too much on your plate. He needs to step up, no one should be doing all the laundry, all the washing up and all the cooking. That's not fair. Especially since you are bread winner as well. No man would put up with arrangement so why should you.

EmbarrassingAdmissions · 08/03/2021 16:59

he owns 12 pairs of pants so this means you failed to do laundry for almost 2 weeks,

It sounds like OP did laundry, just not necessarily that laundry.

How are people so confident about the arithmetic, irrespective? If you exercise, it's not unusual to have additional changes in a day - I've no idea if 12 = 12 days or if it's enough for 6 or 4.

chocoholic2021 · 08/03/2021 17:00

@BehindMyEyes

You obviously thinks it's important that you earn three times what he does ? How does that come into it?
I took it as she was pulling her weight financially and her role was not solely running the house.
mainsfed · 08/03/2021 17:01

@Aprilx

But OP has agreed to a particular split of chores and is not complaining that it is an unfair split. So her hours of work and other chores are 100% irrelevant.

You don’t see ‘we split the housework between he and I, but I still end up doing more’ as a complaint? Why?

mainsfed · 08/03/2021 17:03

@SausageBeanz

Either way, my opinion still stands that it's a non issue.

A grown man throwing his cup on the floor and all the tea in it is a non-issue?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.