Husband's pants

[NoGoodOptions]

Hello!
So, I'm in a bit of a dispute with my DH. He was upset not to have clean pants ready in his drawers. Laundry is one of my chores (We split the housework between he and I, but I still end up doing more as I keep things running day to day with all the cooking, laundry, dishes). I didn't consider it such a big deal for him to fetch a pair from the dryer and carry on drying it quickly using our blow dryer. But he flipped and has been going on about it for the past two days, interrogating me about whether he will have clean pants in his drawer or if he'll have to blow dry another pair tomorrow? Eventually I lost my patience and said if he were that concerned, he could wash them himself. He flipped and dropped his tea and cup all over the kitchen floor (threw his toys out of the pram). I don't get it. There have been plenty of times in my life where I've needed to hand wash or quickly dry items of clothing. I earn three times what he does, so it's not like this is my contribution to the house. Just now I told him that I wasn't tidying the tea fro. The floor, he said he'd already done it but then said we weren't going to eat lunch together and got really cross. I mean, this is childish, right? I'm still doing his laundry and he now has a dozen pairs of pants in his drawer so I really don't get the upset. I'm generally very forgiving and understanding and believe in being happy rather than right... but how can I be wrong about this???

[AWhisperWillDoIfThatsAllYouCan]

Did you ever in your life think that you would start a thread on a public forum entitled Husband's Pants?

[Chewbecca]

I’m torn.

I want to say he should be grown up about it and it sounds like you are doing the lion’s share but I also know it would just never happen here, we all have so many pairs of pants, plus the washing bin gets totally emptied at least once a week.

If either of us totally cocked up a chore, it is annoying for the other party.

So I think you should forget about the row, it’s 6 of 1, half a dozen of the other, but make a few changes

• check you really do have a fair split of chores, reallocate to ensure a better balance.
  
• buy lots more pants (& anything else you’re in danger of running out of)
  
• empty the washing bin, and set a routine that means it gets emptied at least weekly.

[blahfuckingblah]

@Clymene

So a woman who does most of the wifework, earns most of the money forgets to get stuff out of the drier, her husband berates her for days and then smashes stuff on the floor when she gets fed up amc she's in the wrong?

Once again the very low bar MN women set for men amazes me.

Treat me like shit! I'm a woman and I deserve it

Happy International Women's Day

Post of the fucking day.

What does your twat of a husband actually contribute to the household, OP?

[Clarice99]

But he flipped and has been going on about it for the past two days, interrogating me about whether he will have clean pants in his drawer or if he'll have to blow dry another pair tomorrow? Eventually I lost my patience and said if he were that concerned, he could wash them himself. He flipped and dropped his tea and cup all over the kitchen floor (threw his toys out of the pram).

Jeez, how old is he, 5? He sounds a pathetic man child. I'd have zero respect for someone who behaved in that way.

From today, tell him to take responsibility for his own washing and to buy some more pants. Also, it looks like it's time for a review of the division of chores as it appears that you're doing the bulk of the work.

[KaptainKaveman]

Tell him to STFU and enjoy the freedom of going commando.

[horrayforharoldlloyd]

THIS >>>

14Clymene

So a woman who does most of the wifework, earns most of the money forgets to get stuff out of the drier, her husband berates her for days and then smashes stuff on the floor when she gets fed up amc she's in the wrong?

Once again the very low bar MN women set for men amazes me.

Treat me like shit! I'm a woman and I deserve it hmm

Happy International Women's Day

[rainyskylight]

You say you split chores 50/50 but looking through the list it looks like he cleans (not dishes) and does 25% of bills.... and that’s it.

That’s not 50/50. It’s just not.

I suggest throwing a tantrum because the floor isn’t hoovered every day whilst you’re cooking him dinner.

[Pyewackect]

Hate the word “pants”.

[blahfuckingblah]

Also, was you H actually having to go out somewhere immediately, thus needing the pants dry as a matter of urgency? Would staying in whatever he had been wearing before the drama with the tea cup have killed him while the pants dried? Or was going commando an option, it's hardly the end of civilisation not to be wearing pants under your jeans.

[Nith]

If my husband started interrogating me about how many pairs of clean pants there are in his drawer, I'd suggest he get off his backside and go and look.

[MangoBiscuit]

If DP and I had individual chores allocated, and I did my share, including all the things he's reliant on, on time, and he left me without essential clothes, I'd be a little miffed.

If it happened repeatedly, I'd be pissed off and feeling like he was totally taking the piss, and taking advantage of me.

I wouldn't throw my tea on the floor, but you said he dropped it, which means it was an accidental side effect. But yes, I'd be really bloody cross with you too, and I doubt I'd want to sit with you for lunch while I was feeling that way.

You both need to talk without flipping at each other, because it sounds like your current sharing of chores isn't working. He also needs to buy more pants, and if you stay responsible for all the laundry, he needs to say if he gets down to he last clean pair, so you know to prioritise pants.

[ItsMarch]

I can see I’m going against the tide here, but I’d not be impressed if I was expected to blow dry a pair of pants first thing in the morning. I imagine most people would feel that way?!

The fact you earn 3x as much as him is irrelevant if you split the chores and this is one of yours.

I’m not saying his reaction is justified but sounds to me like this is about more then pants.

[blahfuckingblah]

YY to buying him pants for each and every birthday, Christmas and Father's Day from now on. Nothing else, just pants. Get them personalised with "World's Biggest Dick" written across the front.

[billy1966]

Why are you with such a useless waster?
Throwing his cup of tea on the floor?

Why are YOU with him?

[TwoLeftSocksWithHoles]

Could he buy a second pair of pants for these rare occasions?

Alternatively one could cobble together something from a large duster (rather like a nappy) and with a bit of ingenuity I think using two standard-sized dusters you could make a passable pair of Y-fronts i.e. with an aperture at the front.

[ikeepseeingit]

@Clymene

So a woman who does most of the wifework, earns most of the money forgets to get stuff out of the drier, her husband berates her for days and then smashes stuff on the floor when she gets fed up amc she's in the wrong?

Once again the very low bar MN women set for men amazes me.

Treat me like shit! I'm a woman and I deserve it

Happy International Women's Day

This

[NurseButtercup]

Clymene

So a woman who does most of the wifework, earns most of the money forgets to get stuff out of the drier, her husband berates her for days and then smashes stuff on the floor when she gets fed up amc she's in the wrong?

Once again the very low bar MN women set for men amazes me.

THIS

and is he incapable of picking his underwear out of the washing and using a washer/dryer???

LTB

[BarbaraofSeville]

@NoGoodOptions

Thanks everyone for your replies! It is a one off. I have a busy full on job, up until today we had our 5 and 7 year old home full time. I do the dishes, and the cooking; I also sort three quarters of the bills, all extra childcare (babysitting and holiday camps), I'm also the sole driver in our family. But I do the laundry at least once a day. It happened that none of his pants ended up going through, I haven't done the analysis to see why it's the case but it happened (more towels and table cloth this week 🤷‍♀️). I don't check his drawer every day to see how the stock is looking... I would expect an adult, if concerned, would alert me to it or get on and take action. I have done a fair amount of back packing and camping in my younger days, so don't consider hand washing or quick drying to be super odd at all. Different strokes for different folks.

So what's left, cleaning, gardening and car maintenance?

It sounds like you do well beyond half of what needs doing unless there's something you haven't mentioned, so yes, why didn't he just do some washing or even buy new pants if he was that concerned about the pant fairy slacking in her duties?

If you have a 'busy full on job' that pays three times what he earns, is he even working full time? Unless you're a high earner and he's something like a carer, it doesn't sound like he's doing much of anything.

[mogtheexcellent]

I do less than you in the house and DH still manages to wash his own pants. I do mine, DDs and usually the household washing.

Suggest he starts doing his own.

[FlashesOfRage]

No sensible person in a partnership expects to 100% depend on the other person to do their exact allocated chores on time every time. That’s just stupid. Particularly since he has been going in his pants drawer every day and seeing the depleting stocks...

In our house we work as a team. There are rough divisions of tasks but we jump to fill the gaps on any given day because that’s real life! Especially with children x

[RubyRedBerry]

Sounds like he needs to buy more pants. Seriously, how many were in the wash? I can't imagine running out of clean knickers but then i must have a good 40 pairs!

[Indoorcamping]

DP does most of the laundry in our house. He has a habit of washing whatever is on the top of the basket. Often means that socks & pants end up dropping to the bottom of the basket.

Sometimes i get low on pants. You know what i do? I go and collect the dirty ones and put on a wash.

I don't have a strop about it for days and throw stuff on the floor. I'm not a fucking toddler.

[Whatwouldscullydo]

What clymene said.

Personally I think designating specif tasks to eachother is pointless. Yes both members of the household should share tasks. But things like washing ,.cooking etc all need doing at different times and fitting that in.around work etc can be difficult. So who ever is able to do it should just do it . Specifically so you don't end up with one person ordering take aways which takes 30 seconds to cover dinner all the time whike someone else is up til 2am manning the tumble.dryer. if u are free and can do something just do it. That way shit doesn't pile up on account if it "not being my job" surely that's what sharing household chores is. Not having a list of shit you dont do even if that causes problems

[ChocOrange1]

You're both unreasonable.

Not having a single pair of dry pants would be very annoying and drying them with a hairdryer is frankly ridiculous. I've never dried my pants with the hairdryer in my life but you say it as though its a totally normal common occurrence. You either need to buy more clothes or wash them more frequently.

However he is also being unreasonable in his reaction and still going on about it days later.

[MarieIVanArkleStinks]

Reallocate the household chores and let him wash his own fucking pants. Then there'll be no need to hurl his weight and his dinner (WTF?) about.