Husband's pants

[NoGoodOptions]

Hello!
So, I'm in a bit of a dispute with my DH. He was upset not to have clean pants ready in his drawers. Laundry is one of my chores (We split the housework between he and I, but I still end up doing more as I keep things running day to day with all the cooking, laundry, dishes). I didn't consider it such a big deal for him to fetch a pair from the dryer and carry on drying it quickly using our blow dryer. But he flipped and has been going on about it for the past two days, interrogating me about whether he will have clean pants in his drawer or if he'll have to blow dry another pair tomorrow? Eventually I lost my patience and said if he were that concerned, he could wash them himself. He flipped and dropped his tea and cup all over the kitchen floor (threw his toys out of the pram). I don't get it. There have been plenty of times in my life where I've needed to hand wash or quickly dry items of clothing. I earn three times what he does, so it's not like this is my contribution to the house. Just now I told him that I wasn't tidying the tea fro. The floor, he said he'd already done it but then said we weren't going to eat lunch together and got really cross. I mean, this is childish, right? I'm still doing his laundry and he now has a dozen pairs of pants in his drawer so I really don't get the upset. I'm generally very forgiving and understanding and believe in being happy rather than right... but how can I be wrong about this???

pants. Yes, if it's your chore then you should have done them. Having to blow dry pants in the morning is annoying and having clean underwear is a basic

Why does he have to be treated like a child and have a small.list of agreed jobs. Why can't he be expected to act like am.adukt and see something needs doing amd do it.

This weird division of chores is exactly how you get one person dropping kids off at school , going to.work, picking kids up, taking kids to opticians , going shopping then cooking akd.doing laundry til god knows what time , and someone.else gets to sit at home having taken the.afternoon.off , and justifying not starting dinner amd screaming at their partner for having no pants..

If it was partners job to do the laundry and i didnt have clean underwear i would be annoyed but to ‘throw tea on the floor’ and keep going on and on about it is over the top

Are things otherwise ok?

Your husband is a childish dick and if he ever threw his tea over the floor again he would be out on his ear. Why do men think it's ok to behave like toddlers. He is pathetic.

He's not throwing tea on the floor because it's a one off and he has no underwear though, is he? He's done it out of frustration because you're refusing to see how your lack of a timely manner on your side of the chores makes things more difficult for him.

I'm not excusing that behaviour, it's an overreaction regardless, but there's no point twisting why he's done it at all.

I think YABU if it's your chore (out of a set of chores you each agree on) and you're not doing it and expecting him to dry his undies with a hair dryer ffs.

Honestly this is such a non-issue and I'm failing to see why presumably grown adults can't sort this between themselves - does it really need the mumsnet consensus for you to see how it's conveniant to your partner?

I'm the laundry person in our household. Think 2-3 washes a day and full time work, along with other chores and pets. My partner is the dishes person. I've had a lax on washing before, mainly due to my M.E, it affected my partner as they didn't have clean clothes (they don't have many.. out of choice!). I sucked it up that it was a pain in the arse for them and apologised for it. Vice versa, they've been lax on the dishes, and it's made life difficult for me to access the sink for other chores (think mopping, filling buckets of water for other cleaning) and they get told about it as well when it happens.

Complete non issue and I struggle to see how you need the guidance of mumsnet for this..

@SausageBeanz are you for real? Have you read how much OP is doing (working full time, all the laundry (every day) and cooking and dishes (every day)? What does he have to be frustrated about?

I agree that OP doesn't need your guidance at all.

[quote mainsfed]@SausageBeanz are you for real? Have you read how much OP is doing (working full time, all the laundry (every day) and cooking and dishes (every day)? What does he have to be frustrated about?

I agree that OP doesn't need your guidance at all.[/quote]
Then if she's not happy with it she needs to not agree to it, they need to agree on a different share of chores. Simples really.

Does he still take a teddy bear to bed with him? Do you have to tell him a bedtime story?

Childish overreaction to a mistake.

@SausageBeanz it's a pity why you didn't just say that instead of accusing OP of 'frustrating' her husband and 'twisting' the truth.

@Clymene

So a woman who does most of the wifework, earns most of the money forgets to get stuff out of the drier, her husband berates her for days and then smashes stuff on the floor when she gets fed up amc she's in the wrong?

Once again the very low bar MN women set for men amazes me.

Treat me like shit! I'm a woman and I deserve it

Happy International Women's Day

Yup. Here’s to the sisterhood.

If you're doing laundry, cooking, dishes, all the driving and additional childcare along with a full time job, what is he doing?
I absolutely get that having damp pants would be annoying if it had been agreed but dumping tea is childish at best. If you're doing the majority of chores, then he doesn't get to have a tantrum when they're not all done on time.

@SausageBeanz a full grown man throwing and smashing a cup on the floor because of some damp pants is not a non issue. noone should have to put up with that. its childish, sulky and an indication that OPs husband cannot control his temper.

@Regularsizedrudy

You’re in an abusive relationship

I call mumsnet bingo !

I would be very unhappy if I had no underwear and laundry was DH chore.

But...

Your chore devision seen unfair and the lack of clean underwear has highlighted this. Perfect time to have a sit down and go over the chore allocation again. There is nothing wrong with changing this from time to time.

What are his chores? If you do cooking, laundry, dishes and most driving then I'm assuming you also do the meal planning, shopping and ironing. That leaves what for your DH? Cleaning and taking out the bins?

I'm presuming that OPs DH does ALL the cleaning since she doesn't mention it as "her" chores- so cleaning toilets/baths/showers/sinks, cleaning kitchen cupboards, surfaces and sink, hoovering throughout, mopping floors, changing beds, emptying and washing the bins, dusting, unloading dishwasher, cleaning windows, cleaning out fridge. Also no mention of household maintenance and decorating, gardening, petcare, meal planning, shopping, ironing etc

I don't think we can assume that OP does more than her fair share. If she feels she does, she should be renegotiating with her DH like an adult.

This was her agreed job, and she didn't do it. That's annoying. No adult should have to be blow drying pants in the morning.

He seems to have overreacted, sulking etc. But the OP says he dropped a cup of tea, which he cleared up himself, which is very different to abusive throwing around of teacups that some people are reading into this. He's frustrated because the other adult in the household is not doing what they have agreed to do.

The two of them need to talk like adults. I think they both sound as bad as each other.

You are wrong.

Make sure he owns enough pants to last till you do a regular wash.

[quote mainsfed]@SausageBeanz it's a pity why you didn't just say that instead of accusing OP of 'frustrating' her husband and 'twisting' the truth.[/quote]
Why would I? She asked if she was being unreasonable about the laundry.

I specifically stated I didn't excuse his behaviour. I simply offered another viewpoint on it. Twist it all you want. I'd be frustrated if my OH agreed to a chore and just didn't do it and it made life inconvenient for me. That's a perfectly acceptable viewpoint. If it was a man posting he hadn't done chores, and it caused his wife to sit and have to use a hair dryer on her pants on the day, the consensus on mumsnet would usually be 'of course it's a dick move to just not do something you've agreed to do'.

Not here to please you with my words, so why would I 'just say' what you want me to say. If there's something you want to say, you say it. You cannot control other folks words on the interwebs I'm afraid.

Either way, my opinion still stands that it's a non issue. Whichever point you focus on, the OP needs to have her own opinion regardless. A thread on mumsnet full of posters enraged her partner threw tea on the floor is meaningless unless she's annoyed about it too. It's also meaningless everyone having opinions on her workload, unless she's unhappy with it too.

And, if she is, the answers and options are very, very simple. Don't agree to things you're not happy with, then moan about it later. Don't agree to do something and then not bother because you're busy (we're all busy) as it usually has an impact on someone else as a result.

I run a business at home, work full time on top of this, have most of the chores and it keeps me incredibly busy. I like it. I also have M.E, so I know full well the exhaustion of just needing to get up in the morning, everything is 10 times harder than it is when you don't have M.E. I'm not angry I have most of the chores.Things get done how I want. Some people won't be happy this way, so you don't do it. It's really a no brainer. People need to stop being so angry and enraged for goodness sake.

This makes me nervous as my abusive ex started with smashing crockery and then a phone in a rage and it escalated from there. But OP says this is a one off so it's just me worrying when I read it. Totally an overreaction on his part though in any case.

I've often resorted to drying my pants with a hair dryer and shock horror, ds has sometimes had to wear his pants for a 2nd day cos there were none dry. I think your oh is pretty OTT - I mean, it's not that bad is it? And if he noticed he used the last of his pants could he have checked there would be some dry for the next day? I don't think the 'row' is really about pants - there must be underlying issues here, right OP - he feels you don't take responsibility or something? Cant see how he thinks that from what you say but maybe try and have a deeper convo about what's really bugging him?

I could have understood @NoGoodOptions‘ dh being a bit miffed at having to blow dry a pair of pants, but his reaction was ridiculous and unnecessary. He must have known he was running low on pants - when he took the last pair out of the drawer, he must have noticed - he could have said something then or, even better, he could have done something about it - washed a pair for himself, sorted out a bit of laundry, or even nipped out and bought a few new pairs.

He had no right to have a toddler tantrum.

I am very lucky that my dh does most of the laundry, and all the ironing, sorting and putting away, but I would not dream of taking his efforts for granted, and throwing a strop because I’d run out of something. If he had been busy with other things, and I was running out of knickers, I would do a wash, run the tumble dryer, and sort it all out.

Dh would just make a joke about going commando. That would be the end of it. I am a SAHM with two teenagers.

But he would also notice when he is running low. Even my teenagers know my laundry schedule and if they want something specific washed and dried, they talk to me about it and we work out when I can get it done for them (swap loads etc)

There are much bigger things to be angry about than flipping pants.

@CallMeCleo

You are wrong.

Make sure he owns enough pants to last till you do a regular wash.

Correction:

Your Dh was wrong.

He should make sure he owns enough pants and he should also put on a wash if he notices that he has just taken the last pair from his pants drawer.

[quote mainsfed]@SausageBeanz are you for real? Have you read how much OP is doing (working full time, all the laundry (every day) and cooking and dishes (every day)? What does he have to be frustrated about?

I agree that OP doesn't need your guidance at all.[/quote]
But OP has agreed to a particular split of chores and is not complaining that it is an unfair split. So her hours of work and other chores are 100% irrelevant.

The issue is that she did not do her agreed share of the chores, which he is understandably annoyed about, however has dealt with it in a very childish manner.

Reminds me a lot of my ex who WAS abusive.

Either way, if laundry is your job, you should really have kept up with it but throwing his cup of tea on the floor is way over the top, as is the sulking.

Is he usually like this or is this out of character?

You should have lent him a pair, the lacier the better.

just call him Nicholas