Husband's pants

[NoGoodOptions]

Hello!
So, I'm in a bit of a dispute with my DH. He was upset not to have clean pants ready in his drawers. Laundry is one of my chores (We split the housework between he and I, but I still end up doing more as I keep things running day to day with all the cooking, laundry, dishes). I didn't consider it such a big deal for him to fetch a pair from the dryer and carry on drying it quickly using our blow dryer. But he flipped and has been going on about it for the past two days, interrogating me about whether he will have clean pants in his drawer or if he'll have to blow dry another pair tomorrow? Eventually I lost my patience and said if he were that concerned, he could wash them himself. He flipped and dropped his tea and cup all over the kitchen floor (threw his toys out of the pram). I don't get it. There have been plenty of times in my life where I've needed to hand wash or quickly dry items of clothing. I earn three times what he does, so it's not like this is my contribution to the house. Just now I told him that I wasn't tidying the tea fro. The floor, he said he'd already done it but then said we weren't going to eat lunch together and got really cross. I mean, this is childish, right? I'm still doing his laundry and he now has a dozen pairs of pants in his drawer so I really don't get the upset. I'm generally very forgiving and understanding and believe in being happy rather than right... but how can I be wrong about this???

Thanks everyone for your replies! It is a one off. I have a busy full on job, up until today we had our 5 and 7 year old home full time. I do the dishes, and the cooking; I also sort three quarters of the bills, all extra childcare (babysitting and holiday camps), I'm also the sole driver in our family. But I do the laundry at least once a day. It happened that none of his pants ended up going through, I haven't done the analysis to see why it's the case but it happened (more towels and table cloth this week 🤷‍♀️). I don't check his drawer every day to see how the stock is looking... I would expect an adult, if concerned, would alert me to it or get on and take action. I have done a fair amount of back packing and camping in my younger days, so don't consider hand washing or quick drying to be super odd at all. Different strokes for different folks.

If you have no kids, divorce immediately.

If you have kids with this wanker, it’s probably best to at least try to...I don’t know...help him grow up?

@Regularsizedrudy

You’re in an abusive relationship

Quite the extrapolation there

I don’t think it’s an overreaction to say this an abusive relationship, smashing possessions is a recognised form of domestic violence. Do you think he would throw a cup of tea on the floor if something went wrong at work? No. But it’s fine to do it to his wife? There is no way I would accept this in my relationship.

My husband is the opposite. He's addicted to buying pants. At the last count he's got 3 months of clean pants in his drawer ( which is being ruined by overstuffing). It's ridiculous. So is drying pants with a hairdryer. In 30 years of marriage nobody has had to go without clean pants.

So a woman who does most of the wifework, earns most of the money forgets to get stuff out of the drier, her husband berates her for days and then smashes stuff on the floor when she gets fed up amc she's in the wrong?

Once again the very low bar MN women set for men amazes me.

Treat me like shit! I'm a woman and I deserve it

Happy International Women's Day

Just to add, I'm not in an abusive relationship but I don't consider this behaviour acceptable either.

I still think you should burn the pants.

Is he incapable of saying that he only has a couple of pairs left? My 7yo knows that if she is running low she needs to tell us as we are not psychic and sometimes washes get missed due to shifts, other shit going on.

What's his household chores? Is it DIY and a grass cut every so often? He needs to pick up more of the daily chores if you're doing most of them because that isn't a fair split.

He sounds like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

To be honest, I would probably have a bit of a tantrum in that situation too... but not drop a drink on the floor!

I do the laundry, but DH knows it's his responsibility to let me know if he's running low on anything in good time to deal with it. I'm not the laundry fairy.

You're a partnership. Things are busy so sometimes jobs don't get done, even with the best will in the world.
His response is way OTT and pp is correct that if something went wrong at work he would not throw his tea on the floor.
My DH would not act like that but if he did I would never wash any of his clothes again.

I'd be interested to know what his share of the chores are!

I do all the washing in our house but my DH wouldn't dream of reacting like that. To be fair it would never get to that point as he'd usually ask when stocks were running low if I could make a point of doing some next.
Your DHs dramatics could easily have been prevented with a little communication.x

It depends. I have a strict if it isn't in the basket it doesn't get washed policy so DH frequently runs out of fleeces that are properly clean as opposed to scattered around this house with sticky finger marks from DC. This is his problem.

Pants and socks have an irritating tendency to migrate to the bottom of the basket and most of our clothes are dark colours meaning that I don't have to get to the bottom of the basket to fill a wash, so stuff can get buried down there for ages. DC and I are ok as we all have a majority bright/light coloured pants and socks so not reliant on the luck of what actually makes it into the basket.

With socks there's a tendency for DH to take them off and not put them in the basket. Again, not helpful...

I would expect DH to notice the imminent lack of pants and ask me to make sure my next wash included some, knowing that we're doing well if the washing basket isn't overflowing rather than being mostly empty. not my job to check his drawers!

Washing uniform daily isn't helping my washing system.

@Clymene

So a woman who does most of the wifework, earns most of the money forgets to get stuff out of the drier, her husband berates her for days and then smashes stuff on the floor when she gets fed up amc she's in the wrong?

Once again the very low bar MN women set for men amazes me.

Treat me like shit! I'm a woman and I deserve it

Happy International Women's Day

Thought this needed repeating.

That'd be the last time I'd be doing any laundry for him.
Probably not helpful to remind him that if you walk away with your 3x higher salary, he'll be missing more than clean knickers - but I doubt I'd be able to resist it!

You've told us what housework you do, OP.
What does HE do if you are splitting things so evenly?

And he can't even drive!
He really did marry Mummy, didn't he?

YANBU OP

I do most of the laundry and DH deals with his stuff once it’s done. Irons his clothes and puts his clothes/underwear away. He’s an adult and behaves like one.

Your DH is behaving like a toddler who didn’t get his favourite sweets for dinner.

He had a tantrum and threw his tea on the floor? Never mind pants, he sounds as though he should be in nappies.

Divorce him immediately and take all.his pants with you

This is insane. You might not be in an abusive relationship if this is a complete one off and never to be repeated but smashing household items, is an example of abusive behaviour. And no acceptable at all.
You do more than your share of the chores. You missed this by a few hours one time. Not repeatedly and not on purpose. He didn't remind you or warn you or do what a normal adult does and think 'ok it's technically not my allocated chore but I can see she is busy so I'll help out, since she does more anyway'. He wore his last pair of pants without mentioning it was his last then had a two day strop over something completely minor and then was aggressive about it.
None of his behaviour is acceptable or normal. Even if that was your only chore you're allowed to have an off day.

I think you need to buy more underwear!

Stop doing his washing and let him do his own going forward.
He’s using it as a stick to beat you.
It’s not helpful or supportive.
He’s not doing his share is he.
He’s needs to grow up.
You are doing too much.

@Clymene

So a woman who does most of the wifework, earns most of the money forgets to get stuff out of the drier, her husband berates her for days and then smashes stuff on the floor when she gets fed up amc she's in the wrong?

Once again the very low bar MN women set for men amazes me.

Treat me like shit! I'm a woman and I deserve it

Happy International Women's Day

Mumsnet is weird. One thread is LTB and another similar thread is like this one. Big pendulum swings.

OP I think he behaved like an absolute prick and I'd be having serious words.