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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Excluding one child from birthday party bags

334 replies

seaclaidte · 08/03/2021 00:00

Would you blame me?

This child has targeted my DS with his nasty comments, including calling him a Paki.
He also put his hands around my sons neck. The teacher brushed both items off as boys being boys type of thing but that's another story.

Both boys are 9 years old.

OP posts:
activitythree · 08/03/2021 00:01

I wouldn't invite him to the party at all

nzborn · 08/03/2021 00:03

I'd exclude him from the party but if l invited him I wouldn't treat him any differently from other kids.

LalalalalalaLand123 · 08/03/2021 00:03

No OP you mustn't do that. That is being spiteful and vindictive to a child, a child who clearly has issues.

SleepingStandingUp · 08/03/2021 00:03

Why the hell is he invited to the party and I hope you've escalated it to the Head?

Happycat1212 · 08/03/2021 00:04

That would be wrong to single one child out.

Original poster
seaclaidte · 08/03/2021 00:05

There is no party. Just party bags that are given out in class.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 08/03/2021 00:06

How are they having a party in lockdown ?

SleepingStandingUp · 08/03/2021 00:06

No then, I don't think it's right to exclude one and may escalate the bullying. What's in the bags? Are they really necessary?

bridgetreilly · 08/03/2021 00:08

There is no party. Just party bags that are given out in class.

Huh? What is this new level of bonkers? If there's no party, there's no need for party bags. Which resolves the issue with this other child nicely. Move on.

BRB2021 · 08/03/2021 00:08

Tempting and very understandable. But I couldn't do it despite wanting to

zeddybrek · 08/03/2021 00:09

I'd be more concerned as to where he's learnt language like that. And I'd be picking this up with the school, this response is unacceptable. Can you escalate it to the local authority?

9 years old is still very young, however if I were you no matter how badly I'd want to do this. I think actually singling out a child would be very difficult to do. He is a product of his environment and circumstances.

lioncitygirl · 08/03/2021 00:09

No party but party bags?! What fresh hell is this. Just forget it op!

Gemma2019 · 08/03/2021 00:10

Don't give out party bags if there's no party - that's mental. My kids usually hand out a cake or chocolate bar to the class on their birthdays but even this isn't allowed at the moment due to the current situation.

Stompythedinosaur · 08/03/2021 00:10

No, despite those things you can't give out bags in school and exclude one child.

I don't imagine the school will allow anything to be given out if you are excluding one dc.

activitythree · 08/03/2021 00:10

@seaclaidte

There is no party. Just party bags that are given out in class.

I didn't know this was a thing!! Surely even if it is, Covid must mean it can't go ahead? Our school are doing everything they can to make sure no child even has to share a pencil just now. Oh, and allergies ?

But no, you can't exclude one child out of a whole class. And you know it.

Floralnomad · 08/03/2021 00:11

No , you cannot give something to every other child in the class and exclude one whatever you think of them as that makes you as bad as the bully and you are supposed to be an adult .

Original poster
seaclaidte · 08/03/2021 00:12

At my children's school. The birthday child usually brings sweets or chocolates to school. Sometimes there are party bags instead, in which there are a couple of small sweets and a novelty party filler.

There is no party.

Apologies for the confusion.

OP posts:
23PissOffAvenueWF · 08/03/2021 00:12

Come on, you know the answer to this!

UhtredRagnarson · 08/03/2021 00:14

How are you allowed to give out party bags? Surely kids aren’t allowed to be swapping or sharing anything?

BaggoMcoys · 08/03/2021 00:16

I understand why you want to leave him out, but I do think it's wrong and I'd also worry it could make the bullying worse. I think the school need to take this more seriously.

FrostyChocolateMilkshake · 08/03/2021 00:16

Why would you invite this little monster to the party in the first place?

faithfulbird20 · 08/03/2021 00:17

I wouldn't exclude him but give it to him and hopefully it makes him feel ashamed.

JustLyra · 08/03/2021 00:17

If the school have any sense they'll only allow treats like this if you provide them for the whole class.

Either do the party bags for all the kids or don't do them at all. You can't expect the teacher to exclude one child in their class.

EvilOnion · 08/03/2021 00:17

Ours usually hand out sweets but on my DC's birthday this week they said they weren't allowed to take anything in to hand out due to Covid.

Even in normal circumstances the teachers at our school wouldn't allow stuff to be given to select pupils let alone all bar one regardless of the situation. It's alternating and humiliating - essentially targeting them.

CoffeeRunner · 08/03/2021 00:18

No you can’t. To single him out is not going to help.

The racist language I would guess the child has learnt at home. I’m assuming the school have spoken to his parents?