Excluding one child from birthday party bags

[seaclaidte]

Would you blame me?

This child has targeted my DS with his nasty comments, including calling him a Paki.
He also put his hands around my sons neck. The teacher brushed both items off as boys being boys type of thing but that's another story.

Both boys are 9 years old.

I'd give party bags to every child in the class, but make sure I included stickers or badges or something which carried a message. The child in question would be sure to get several 'Be kind' stickers. Other kids in the class would get the same sticker of course, but without quite so much satisfaction on my part....

@seaclaidte

I know it's unkind.

It's so frustrating that my child comes home and asks me things like what (insert swear word) means or asks what certain homophobic terms mean.

And he has been physically aggressive towards my DS on more than one occasion.

The school like to bury things like this as its will affect their perfect ofsted score. They don't ever inform me. I usually hear it from DS.

The first ever encounter regarding racism in the school apparently happened when I reported it to them.

I'd be looking to change schools if it's that bad op. Save yourself a fortune too!

As a teacher, I wouldn't give out birthday treats if there wasn't enough for the whole class!
You need to write to the school officially about the child's behaviour and speak to his teacher. Ask what they have done about the situation.

Apart from the fact that I do not want people giving my children plastic tat that will go straight into the bin, you are being incredibly cruel. I can’t believe an adult would be intentionally cruel to to a child. Your behaviour will be no better than his if you try to humiliate a child who is just a product of his parents.

Sorry but by doing this, you're being more childish than the child you refer to.

Be a grown up and tackle the issue with the school, tit for tat is not the best way forward.

You shouldn’t do this.

But if the school aren’t dealing with racism I would inform them you will be contacting ofsted.

Nah I’m petty I wouldn’t be giving that kid anything

So basically you’d be bullying the bully. I don’t blame you for thinking this way as bullies are horrible but you’re the adult. Either give to all or to none. However I am surprised your school is allowing it. Save your money and take your child out somewhere nice when you can as honestly party bags are such a total waste of time effort and money and most of it gets chucked in the bin. I would really go to town with school to get the bullying sorted out. I was bullied relentlessly at school it’s awful and can have a lifelong effect on kids.

I'm guessing a lot of people responding somewhat negatively towards the OP haven't been racially abused before?
OP, forget excluding the kid from party bags: one for all, or not at all.
Revisit the situation with the school; it won't go away of its own accord and will likely worsen over time?
Sending love to you and your son.

I completely understand why you want to leave him out.
The DC is a terror.
I doubt teacher would allow the exclusion of a DC.
I hope your DS is okay.

So you want to bring party bags to school, hand them out to all the children and leave one child out? And your reasoning is because this child is a bully? So you want to punish this child by being a bully?

Can’t believe what I’m reading ☹️

It’s not a party, you don’t have to be around the child, it’s just party bags. Give them to all the children or none of them.

What kind of example are you setting to your child if you leave one out? This is how bullies are created.

I can see why you want to do this, but the child won’t link their behaviour to the punishment. The school absolutely should be taking this more seriously. Sadly I am not surprised that they haven’t as I have a friend with a son in a similar position. I would want a copy of their bullying policies, policy on inclusion/ discrimination and a meeting with the head.

I hope the school actually does something about the bullying. Keep on their case or they won’t follow it up.

Party bags... hmmmm... would be tempting to put something in the bag the kid wasn’t expecting... not a dead spider or dog poo or anything, maybe a book a comic about a bully who got his comeuppance?

The boy's behaviour needs addressing, but not giving him a party bag is not the way to do it.
Speak to the teacher again, if no action taken, take it to the head teacher. But definitely give the child a party bag. Otherwise you're as bad as he is - in fact worse as you are an adult and should know better.

Yes I think of this child doesn’t get one - like the bullied child who punches the bully on the nose - the bullied child gets the punishment and the bully’s behaviour is ignored.

Either give one to all or none at all. Who will be giving them out? The teacher? Are you going to tell them to not give one to the boy? Or is your son giving them out? In which case you are teaching him from now to behave in this manner than rise above it.

See kids...they are sometimes utter gits. Good kids can be utter gits, troubled kids can be utter gits. They will pick on anything...big nose, red hair, fat, poor, smelly, too tall, a funny surname, skin colour, hairstyle, clothes...anything at all.
A lot of you seem to be focusing on the racial slur, which I agree is a matter for the school and they should be made aware of it, of course. It’s not a worse sort of insult though...the fat kid doesn’t want to be called names either. Neither does the kid with braces. I know racism is as topical as it gets right now...but spiteful is spiteful whoever it is directed at...and many children experiment with spiteful for different reasons, unsophisticated as they are. Even our own perfect angels.

OP I’m not saying you have to accept this lad’s racism for one second...you tell that school what was said. I do think you should bear in mind that one day your son might say something unkind to another pupil. Would you see him left out of a whole class treat by the parent because he did?

It’s not the way.

Nope.
My son had a boy that treated him much the same (he had behavioural issues which his mother acknowledged) but he stabbed my son with a pencil, put hands around his neck, excluded him from games and was generally a little shit.
He was the only boy not invited to the party.

I’d give him a party bag but put in different things ie. a mini book on kindness and tolerance ... something like that

Stink bombs and give stoppers!

Do people not read the post. She didn't mention a party.

I'd give one then if anything happens in the future they have no ammunition.

I can't believe school won't step in. Unless he has SEN I blame the parents for introducing him to that word.

@BackforGood 🤣🤣🤣

All or nothing, please don't just exclude one child.

Don’t give him a party bag.

This child isn't bullying my son. He has been nasty on several occasions.

@seaclaidte That is bullying. Just because something isn't all day every day doesn't mean it's not bullying. It's included physical violence and racial slurs.

I would take it further I think, if you still feel this strongly about it (which is understandable.)