AIBU to not help out with money?

[TroublesomeTrucks]

As background, DH and I have separate finances, I know MN don't tend to like it but he's been stung in previous relationships but is also terrible with money and so has a poor credit score. Keeping things separate suits him and suits me because I keep my credit rating and have a rainy day fund to bail us out as a family when needed and we both know our individual financial responsibilities. We earn similar amounts.

The issue now is that, because he's self employed, he has his tax bill for the year. It is more than he expected and he's really worried about paying it. He has put nothing aside over the last year and has also spent the whole of a modest inheritance. (We both have kept working during the pandemic.) Over the last 5 years he has also slightly changed his job with no planning or discussion with me to one that is significantly lower paying and has gradually reduced the number of days he works to one a week, again with no input from me. I have increased my hours and my contribution to the mortgage but it is not enough to offset the drop in his earnings, hence the problem with the tax bill. He probably earns the same as me doing one day a week as I do working full time.

We have recently started building an extension, which I am paying for alone, but now seems the height of foolishness given the issue with his income. Had we not done it, I could pay his tax bill from my savings with plenty to spare but now I can't. I don't have access to his financial information so I didn't know how bad it was, but he was aware of the planned building work and agreed we'd go ahead.

I could help out with the tax bill, but I don't feel it's my responsibility. He choses to work one day a week, and knows his financial obligations. He could easily increase his work as his job is in short supply. He also has a vanity car (plus another car for regular use) he can sell to cover the majority of the bill.

Obviously if it comes down to us potentially losing the house or having bailiffs round, I will pay up, but I don't want him to think he can be this financially irresponsible and I'll just bail him out when this situation is entirely by his choice. He is very very worried though.

AIBU?

@An0n0n0n Unless you mean starting to contribute towards the mortgage. As I said before, my salary went up so my contribution went up. That is what's fair. The increase in my contribution was a lot less than the increase in my pay.

You definitely shouldn't pay his bill! Why doesn't he just work more days to get the o way for the tax bill? He can't be that anxious if he hasn't actually just started working more days?

Why are you in a serious relationship with such a financially irresponsible man. Time to call it a day.

As others have said, he needs to contact HMRC to arrange a payment plan. I think it's particularly easy to arrange a payment plan this year because of Covid. I am (partly) self-employed and wasn't able to pay the tax I owed this year either (one of my sources of income, which I normally use to pay my tax, had dried up completely due to Covid). I found it very easy to set up a payment plan to pay in installments. I will be charged a small interest fee but no late payment fees -- it's the late payment fees which are hefty.

I'd be worried about retirement (his) if I were you. Surely you'll end up paying for him in the end?

@Viviennemary

Why are you in a serious relationship with such a financially irresponsible man. Time to call it a day.

Because she loves him. That’s why most of us are with our partners.

What does he say when you suggest selling the car or working an extra day?

You know the answer. He needs to work more and be more responsible with his money.

You are sharing finances. He just is not.
He has to sell the vanity car then he needs to shift his lazy arse and get working. Tax bills are not unexpected-they arrive on a yearly basis without fail I’ve found...

@Viviennemary because I'm financially independent, I don't need his money and I love him.

Unless you mean starting to contribute towards the mortgage. As I said before, my salary went up so my contribution went up. That is what's fair. The increase in my contribution was a lot less than the increase in my pay.

You’re forgetting the fact that you had to increase your hours because he reduced his...your pay went up and hence your supposed portion of contributions, because your lazy arse husband decided unilaterally to work much much less so his contributions could go down and you conveniently picked up the slack for him. So no, that’s not what is fair by any stretch of the imagination

@MrsElijahMikaelson1 We are sharing finances and he is too. He's not asked me for anything and hasn't hinted that he wants me to offer, I was just wondering if I should.

@MrsElijahMikaelson1 my basic salary has also increased, independent of my hours. When we were first together my full time salary was £23K. I now earn £66K

It's sometimes easier to go along with the status quo than have a discussion about money.

DH earns way more than me, but he does shifts, and not even on a regular static rota, so my work essentially has to be office hours, but the trade off is that he is able to do a significant amount of over time which goes towards debts. He also has been contributing to a great pension scheme since he was 18.

The difference is that your DH has more earning power but doesn't use it, and somehow doesn't equate his tax bill with him doing more hours, but with the fact that you have the funds available.

Is there a middle ground? Could you pay off the HMRC debt on the understanding that he increases his hours?

@ilovemydogandmrobama2 he doesn't expect me to pay it, I just feel bad for not offering.

Does he get a tax discount for being married. The main reason I married DH was he saves lots in tax as he's self employed, (and we have Dc together).

[quote TroublesomeTrucks]@MrsElijahMikaelson1 my basic salary has also increased, independent of my hours. When we were first together my full time salary was £23K. I now earn £66K[/quote]
I imagine your pay has increased because you have worked hard and been promoted.

His has gone down because he has decided to work less and earn less.

Not quite the same thing

Didn’t married tax allowance stop decades ago?

@Outbutnotoutout yes of course, but as I have said repeatedly, the increase in my salary meant it was right my increased contribution to household expenses was appropriate, whether DH's salary and stayed the same or not. I'm not paying anymore than I would have done if he was still on the same income.

@Alsohuman

Didn’t married tax allowance stop decades ago?

It does exist but basically only applies if the other partner is not a taxpayer.

How much tax can he possibly owe working a self employed job one day a week?

Has he dropped to less well remunerated work (an just one day) by choice - or because there is less work about?
Sounds like he needs to get his arse in gear and find more work.

@Loveitorlistitlover £17K now and another £7k in July.

@EveryDayIsADuvetDay By choice. There is plenty of work.

@TroublesomeTrucks a lot of what you said makes sense and I can see why he has felt the need to reduce his hours but he has still done that without taking responsibility for his liabilities so I still wouldn't help him. He needs to learn to sort this stuff himself.

Also, has he adjusted his tax payments on account because his income has dropped?