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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend offended I returned her gift?

281 replies

Laura187 · 06/03/2021 12:08

Friend sent me a bits from next for DD. I am not into colours and everything she purchased was quite colourful, pink and frilly. She also sent me the gift receipt.

I went and changed most of the bits into baby clothes that are more to my taste and what I needed.

Today I sent her a pic of DD in the clothes I changed and thanked her for the gifts.

'This isnt what I brought' was her reply, I told her I changed a few bits and thought I'd send it to her.

She replied 'You changed what I got!' with a covering face emoji.

I said yes I thought I'd get things I needed and could use and she replied with 'ok'

I am quite shocked by this! Opinions please - AIBU in changing the items?

OP posts:
DinosaurDiana · 06/03/2021 12:09

I wouldn’t have sent a picture to her showing that you’d swapped. Its a bit like saying that ‘this is what you should have bought’.

WisestIsShe · 06/03/2021 12:10

You could have just changed them and not mentioned it? Thanked her for the clothes and left it at that.

Aurorie11 · 06/03/2021 12:11

I would have just thanked for the gift and then swapped them but not told them.

TenThousandSpoons · 06/03/2021 12:11

Yabu to send her a photo of stuff she didn’t get. If you kept some you could have sent a pic in that. She didn’t need to know that you’d returned some of it.

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 06/03/2021 12:11

Yeah, that was really rude.

"Thanks, they're lovely"

Then go and change them if you want, but don't tell her.

I'd be pissed off too and your DD wouldn't be getting anything else from me.

Original poster
Laura187 · 06/03/2021 12:12

Yes I agree. I regret sending it now. I actually thought it would be a nice thing to do - show her I am using what she got etc. (in my culture its something that is done to show you are thankful etc)

OP posts:
Sandgrown1970 · 06/03/2021 12:12

I can understand why she’d be upset. When an item is not to someone’s preference then they usually don’t make it so obvious they’ve returned and exchanged. With babies and especially in a pandemic where you can’t see one another there was no need for you to send photos and rub her nose in the fact that you didn’t like what she bought you. That’s what’s hurtful.

Dyrne · 06/03/2021 12:12

Massively rude - you effectively sent a message to the friend telling them what a shit present they chose and how much better taste you have.

BrumBoo · 06/03/2021 12:12

Why on earth did you tell her? Why didn't you just take a picture oh her in what you kept and say thank you? What an odd way to behave.

Camomila · 06/03/2021 12:12

If someone sent me baby clothes I didn't like I would either say thank you and never mention them again or make up a white lie like I had to change them for a bigger size or they got ruined in the tumble drier.

RootyT00t · 06/03/2021 12:12

Oh my god OP that's such a rude thing to do!

RootyT00t · 06/03/2021 12:13

@Dyrne

Massively rude - you effectively sent a message to the friend telling them what a shit present they chose and how much better taste you have.
😂
ChaToilLeam · 06/03/2021 12:13

YANBU to change the items.
YABU to send a picture that basically said “thanks, but I didn’t at all like what you got me.”

M0rT · 06/03/2021 12:13

I don't understand why she gave you a gift receipt if she didn't want you to change it?
I could understand being hurt if she had bought you a very personal gift or your DD something she loved from her childhood but clothes are just clothes!
I know my audience on this, I have a friend that hates strong colours so go neutral if buying clothes for her DC and another with a little girl who I can indulge all of my glitter and sparkle desires with.
But I do give gift receipts in case of sizing problems and wouldn't be at all offended if they exchanged for something they thought more suitable or useful.
No point in having ten party dresses and no pajamas!

JosephineBaker · 06/03/2021 12:13

You were rude. Changing them was totally ok, sending a photo rubs it in.
“Here’s what we got when we ditched that crap you chose.”

Original poster
Laura187 · 06/03/2021 12:13

She is someone I am close too and do think she would have noticed anyways. She sent a big hamper of clothes from next - she sees DD often (facetime/zoom) and I do think she would have noticed DD never had anything she got on.

OP posts:
CuriousSeal · 06/03/2021 12:13

Oh...how could you not see that sending a picture of the swapped items was a bad idea? I'd apologise to your friend OP.

JenIsAGem · 06/03/2021 12:13

I don't get why she would put a gift receipt in and then get offended if you actually used it.

I can see both sides as it's a bit sad to see you didn't get it 'right' and that the thought you put into the gifts wasn't really worth it (questionable though as if she had truly thought about it - she would buy things YOU like to dress YOUR baby in not the other way round) but at the end of the day, I wouldn't want my money going to waste on items just sitting in the cupboard or going to charity shops etc. So I'd personally say that ultimately YANBU.

hulahoopqueen · 06/03/2021 12:14

Sorry OP but YADBU!!
I'd be very strongly put off sending future gifts if that's the reply I got. Next time just say thanks and exchange them without saying anything

user1493413286 · 06/03/2021 12:14

To be honest I’ve done this but I wouldn’t then send a picture of the clothes I’ve swapped it for; the receipt was most likely so you could change sizes. You’ve basically just told her that you don’t like her taste which is quite rude and if she’d wanted you to pick your own thing she’d have sent a gift voucher. I don’t think you’ll be getting more presents from her.

Newfor2021 · 06/03/2021 12:14

YABU and very rude!! HTH Grin

HerMammy · 06/03/2021 12:14

Im not into colours
do you only buy white??

unchienandalusia · 06/03/2021 12:14

YANBU to change the items.
YABU to send a picture that basically said “thanks, but I didn’t at all like what you got me.”

This!

Vetyveriohohoh · 06/03/2021 12:15

I think people give gift receipts incase you need to change size or you get duplicates. You were pretty rude. I changed plenty for stuff more to my test but wouldn’t have sent a pic

GintyMcGinty · 06/03/2021 12:15

YANBU to change the clothes

YABU and are utterly daft to send a picture of the new clothes to her - pretty insulting.

I am not surprised your friend is miffed.