Friend offended I returned her gift?

[Laura187]

Friend sent me a bits from next for DD. I am not into colours and everything she purchased was quite colourful, pink and frilly. She also sent me the gift receipt.

I went and changed most of the bits into baby clothes that are more to my taste and what I needed.

Today I sent her a pic of DD in the clothes I changed and thanked her for the gifts.

'This isnt what I brought' was her reply, I told her I changed a few bits and thought I'd send it to her.

She replied 'You changed what I got!' with a covering face emoji.

I said yes I thought I'd get things I needed and could use and she replied with 'ok'

I am quite shocked by this! Opinions please - AIBU in changing the items?

Id be offended and upset too, op

Of course its standard practice to send a pic of baby wearing gifts but not when you've returned them because you don't like them.

Would it have been that awful to at least keep some of them and dress baby in them once or twice?

@CuriousaboutSamphire

As others have said, change the clothes by all means but sending the picture basically told her how much you didn't appreciate her effort!

Did you really get rid of all of it? Did you really show her how bad you think her taste in kids clothing is? And are you REALLY trying to say that your culture thinks this is OK? You didn't show her that her gift is being use, you showed her how awful you thought it was!

You have just offended a good friend ( big hamper from Next is quite an investment in someone elses child) who probably won't bother in future!

And it's probably too late to make it right!

I gave her a big hamper from next to! Which is why she did the same. Do you really think she would have given me a hamper if I had sent her one top. Her DS is 6 months older than mine.

Very silly of you to have done that. Rude as well. You could have sent a picture of the one you didn't return.

Am I the only one who dresses their baby in the clothes, takes a photo, then just pops them in a babygro?

@TaraR2020

Id be offended and upset too, op

Of course its standard practice to send a pic of baby wearing gifts but not when you've returned them because you don't like them.

Would it have been that awful to at least keep some of them and dress baby in them once or twice?

I kept the toys. Just returned the clothes

What a dreadfully hurtful and rude thing to do to a friend.

Exchanging was ok (though honestly I’d just have sucked it up and used them) but to take a picture of what you bought instead and thus so clearly point out to her that you didn’t like anything she chose you was
an awful decision. That’s not a thing anyone I know would do. And if they did I wouldn’t want to know them for much longer.

@creaminfudge

Am I the only one who dresses their baby in the clothes, takes a photo, then just pops them in a babygro?

Nope thats all of us :) I like her to be comfy

@WisestIsShe

You could have just changed them and not mentioned it? Thanked her for the clothes and left it at that.

Yep. Next time ask for a voucher

That first text suggests she thought you’d sent the picture to the wrong person...

You were okay to swap the clothes if you wouldn’t have used them, although the convention is generally to keep something and send a photo in that... but it’s pretty cold to send a photo thanking someone for what they got, and then point out that you basically changed it all. That will have totally taken the shine off for her, especially if she initially thought you’d confused what she bought you.

I’d leave it for today but try to make amends soon.

@Travis1

Am I the only one that would rather a friend exchange something and let me know than me never seeing the child use/wear what I bought and me assuming it’s been a total waste of money? I mean that’s why I give gift receipts because I accept I won’t always get it right.

If I don’t see them wearing what I bought I don’t assume that they haven’t worn it... it’s not compulsory to send photos of kids wearing things! I bought some bits for a friends new baby a few weeks ago. She said thank you very much but didn’t send me any pictures of him in the clothes. I bumped into them on a walk the other day and he had one of the outfits on.

Personally I am a fan of bright colours/scandi prints etc on babies and was so bored of the greys/whites and creams. Babies love strong contrasting prints as their eyesight isn’t great so please don’t surround your baby in a completely neutral world!

I also think you were really rude. I would have thanked her without a picture and if pushed say you swapped them for some bigger clothes as you had so many in newborn size or whatever. Babies go through so many outfits in a day and grow so quickly, she probably wouldn’t have noticed if she didn’t see your baby in anything she had bought.

Why did you send a photo of the clothes you had replaced with?? Seems really fucking odd to me..you didn't have to say anything she'd never have known. I'd probably not know how to respond to that either !

@SendMeHome

That first text suggests she thought you’d sent the picture to the wrong person...

You were okay to swap the clothes if you wouldn’t have used them, although the convention is generally to keep something and send a photo in that... but it’s pretty cold to send a photo thanking someone for what they got, and then point out that you basically changed it all. That will have totally taken the shine off for her, especially if she initially thought you’d confused what she bought you.

I’d leave it for today but try to make amends soon.

Yes I think I would get back to her tomorrow

You could have sent a pic of the baby in one of the outfits or next to the hamper.
By sending a picture in unrelated items you have unnecessarily caused drama. It’s quite rude.

I understand taking a photo and sharing it with the gift giver, that is what I would do as well.

But taking a picture of the baby in clothes she didn't pick out isn't really the same thing. If you want to send a picture for the thank you, you should choose from the clothes she gave you that you decided to keep.

Yes, eventually she would find out that you'd exchanged some of them, but for the purposes of the "oh here is a picture of the lovely clothes you gave us, thank you!" message, it just seems to be common sense to not make it a message which highlights that you don't like her taste in clothes. basically.

I'd be more upset if I bought someone something they didn't use because they didn't like it. I'd much prefer the person exchanged it for something they liked. After all, surely the gift is supposed to bring some joy to the giftee isn't it? Otherwise what's the bloody point?

@Laura187

Yes I agree. I regret sending it now. I actually thought it would be a nice thing to do - show her I am using what she got etc. (in my culture its something that is done to show you are thankful etc)

But you've done the opposite of showing you're thankful. You've rubbished her gift to the extent of showing her you couldn't bear it in the house!

I don’t think she sounds very offended though tbh?

What an odd thing to do, Change them but dont rub her nose in it.

Sad thing is, she has a baby 6 months older than yours- hand me down heaven, but you probably wouldnt appreciate that either

I gave her a big hamper from next to! Which is why she did the same. Do you really think she would have given me a hamper if I had sent her one top. Her DS is 6 months older than mine. I don't know. I rarely assess the costs of gifts given to me. I buy things I think my friends will like! It shows that you and she have money to give lovely extravagent gifts to their friends.

I just don't think you thought it through. You didn't give her a second thought. You judged her gift to be lacking and acted without thinking! She has every right to be a bit pissed off with you. You were rude!

@Travis1

Am I the only one that would rather a friend exchange something and let me know than me never seeing the child use/wear what I bought and me assuming it’s been a total waste of money? I mean that’s why I give gift receipts because I accept I won’t always get it right.

No I am the same. I wouldn't mind at all if a friend changed EVERYTHING I got her. My intention is to get the friend something they would use. Not something they dislike. So I wouldn't mind at all.

I wouldn't be buying you anything in future!

I think that was pretty mean of you @Laura187

Swapping the stuff was fine, if you really couldn't live with the things she chose (although I don't envy you a child dressed only in whites creams and greys from a washing perspective 😱).

Sending the photo was incredibly rude. You weren't at all showing that you were using what she got (because you didn't use it! You returned it).

Instead you were very explicitly making the point that you hated what she chose so much it was unusable.

If I were her I probably wouldn't buy for your child again until your child was old enough to receive their presents directly without them going through you.

Also fwiw are you so controlling that your child is totally banned from colours? What if she prefers colours as she grows older? Would it really be so harmful for her to wear clothes that family friends / grandparents / godparents had bought?

Sorry OP but YABU. A gift receipt when it’s baby clothes is normally in case the sizes are off not so you can just swap everything. She’s probably actually quite upset at what you did, I know I would be. I’d rather not know. You should have just text to say thank you.