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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend offended I returned her gift?

281 replies

Laura187 · 06/03/2021 12:08

Friend sent me a bits from next for DD. I am not into colours and everything she purchased was quite colourful, pink and frilly. She also sent me the gift receipt.

I went and changed most of the bits into baby clothes that are more to my taste and what I needed.

Today I sent her a pic of DD in the clothes I changed and thanked her for the gifts.

'This isnt what I brought' was her reply, I told her I changed a few bits and thought I'd send it to her.

She replied 'You changed what I got!' with a covering face emoji.

I said yes I thought I'd get things I needed and could use and she replied with 'ok'

I am quite shocked by this! Opinions please - AIBU in changing the items?

OP posts:
ValidUser · 06/03/2021 20:15

Someone a few weeks ago was upset that her MIL returned a gift directly to her because she didn't like it. She was also told she was BU.

(For the record, I think YABU, but I find it interesting that both of you were largely described as U.)

Pebbledashery · 06/03/2021 20:17

When I had my DD, I was gifted all manner of things that weren't particularly my taste... Fluffy rabbit slippers for example. But you know something, I didn't return a single thing. For someone to think of my DD and gift us something, I was just grateful for that. She loved the slippers too. I'm sure you aren't a genuinely ungrateful person.. But you do give off precious first born vibes.. What does it even matter if its pink and frilly, your friend thought of you and your DD!

dottiedaisee · 06/03/2021 20:20

I wouldn’t have sent her a photo showing her what you would have chosen !

WoolieLiberal · 06/03/2021 20:20

I suspect the gift receipt was intended for changing sizes in case she got the size wrong, not returning the clothes to swap them for something else.

Awkward!

Mum497 · 06/03/2021 20:21

You definitely shouldn't have sent her a picture of the new stuff Blush I can see why she is miffed!

User1511 · 06/03/2021 20:27

You’re not unreasonable to change them but you shouldn’t have rubbed her nose in it.

gottakeeponmovin · 06/03/2021 21:21

Blimey

Dee1975 · 06/03/2021 21:41

I don’t think you were that rude op. She sent you the gift receipt! So she gave you the option to change it!
Although I prob would have said that they didn’t fit her too well, so that’s why you had to change ...!

HeyGirlHeyBoy · 06/03/2021 21:45

As the giver, this wouldn't bother me at all. I'm always very clear with friends that the gift receipt is there if it doesn't suit or fit or if something else would be used more. I would take absolutely zero offence. However unless I'd explained to a friend that I was going to exchange (because of an acceptable reason ie not ' I don't like them') then I wouldn't have sent a photo. If I had explained I'd have sent the photo. But I know my friends and they'd know me so there wouldn't be any offence.

HeyGirlHeyBoy · 06/03/2021 21:47

As the giver, this wouldn't bother me at all. I'm always very clear with friends that the gift receipt is there if it doesn't suit or fit or if something else would be used more. I would take absolutely zero offence. However unless I'd explained to a friend that I was going to exchange (because of an acceptable reason ie not ' I don't like them') then I wouldn't have sent a photo. If I had explained I'd have sent the photo. But I know my friends and they'd know me so there wouldn't be any offence. Good point tho re changing an entire hamper of clothes, this does seem a bit insensitive!

Blueberries0112 · 06/03/2021 21:55

I would care either as a giver personally ... i would not care but it is hard to watch when i see my family members do it

Builtthiscityontoiletrolls · 07/03/2021 05:14

Yeah that was rude but I don’t think you’ve been horrible just silly in telling your friend. It’s quite weird not allowing your child to wear any colour at all. @MunaZaldrizoti how rude referring to gifts as crap. People work hard for their money and if they have chosen to spend hours working for a gift for you, you should be grateful. Also the hamper was Next, it wasn’t crap at all. Ffs. How can people be so rude?

Sapho47 · 07/03/2021 05:43

Is she also a parent?

I'm not and I wouldn't be upset, because well you know better what your baby needs, i will have bought it on "ohhh that will be cute".

But I think from the posts on here many people who are parents wouldn't see it that way.

Sapho47 · 07/03/2021 05:44

@IDontDrinkTea

Just curious... if your child is only allowed to wear cream, what is your plan for when she’s two and will only wear something with peppa pig on it?
I suppose at that point the issue resolves itself as dd is making her choice?
Hyppogriff · 07/03/2021 06:07

Super tactless

TipToingParent · 07/03/2021 06:55

When my 1st DS was born one of my DH's relatives (not British) gave us a blue gingham dress for him to wear, some baby Mary Janes and frilly socks. Luckily I was able to keep a straight face and say thanks. It was kind of awkward because my baby was dressed very stereotypically male back in those days. He was probably in a rugby baby grow or our footy team top with a matching beanie.

They said I didn't dress him like a baby. If I had turned up to my side of the family in this dress my dad and brothers would have gone mad.

My point is the OP has said this is what she would do in her culture. Sounds like a cultural difference to me.

TheOneWithOfficerGoodBody · 07/03/2021 07:02

I would have changed the clothes too if I didn’t like them, however I definitely would not have sent her a photo of the baby’s wearing the clothes I had swapped them for.

23PissOffAvenueWF · 07/03/2021 07:18

OMG, this is hilarious. Grin

Nobody is this socially clueless. ‘In your culture’...!?

In your culture, you send pics of your child in clothes that someone who bought your baby a present had never laid eyes on in their life?!

Who does that?

She doesn’t mind that ooh exchanged the clothes - that’s what the exchange card was for. Grin

What she minds, is you making a big song and dance about the fact you didn’t like what she bought, and exchanged it! AND then rubbed her nose in it.

Oh dear, OP.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 07/03/2021 12:14

I think you’ve mixed up the etiquette for a gift card where you can take pic of what you’ve selected and a gift receipt which is intended as a backstop if the item is unsuitable. Fine to exchange discreetly but not send picture of new items.

Clappingforjoy · 07/03/2021 12:15

I saw items I bought for my friends DC on her car boot stall now beat that one lol

Rollmopsrule · 07/03/2021 12:18

I like your honesty Op and you obviously were not being intentionally rude but I would have thanked your friend then swapped stuff without telling her. I'd prefer the honest option though. We all dance around politeness - I'd rather a friend could be honest with me.

Rollmopsrule · 07/03/2021 12:19

My ex best friend took the rather expensive christening gift I gave my then god son and sold it. No that is rude!

Sevensilverrings · 07/03/2021 12:26

It’s a strange culture we have, isn’t it? I’d much rather have someone tell me they changed things than lie to me about it! I really wouldn’t be offended because someone had different taste to me, and especially with baby gifts it sometimes feels like you get given so much you don’t get a chance to dress them how you’d like.
Now my kids are older as long as they are clean and dressed for the weather I’m completely grateful for anything anyone gives us, but I do remember being gutted I couldn’t justify choosing clothes for them with the amount of gifts they had when they were tiny. First world problem, I know!

Janegrey333 · 07/03/2021 12:30

OP:

You were unsubtle, to say the least. I would never change a gift unless the size was wrong. It’s very rude and ungrateful.

Sceptre86 · 07/03/2021 12:59

I don't see an issue in you changing the clothes to setting more in line with your taste however you shouldn't have sent rhe picture. My sil and bil often buy my ds clothes I would never normally choose myself, he usually wears then once, I take a picture and then they go into a pile for the charity shop or are used for messy play at home. If it was anyone else I would tell them that I am not a big fan of clothes with slogans on and to please avoid those but they would be offended so instead I thank them politely and get rid. They are fully aware that I don't dress either of mine in those types of clothes but they do for their son. I always try to buy gifts that the recipient would like rather than my own taste whereas some people do the opposite.

Sounds like your friend was a bit hurt but realises it is not worth falling out over so u would draw a line under it and carry on.

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