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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend offended I returned her gift?

281 replies

Laura187 · 06/03/2021 12:08

Friend sent me a bits from next for DD. I am not into colours and everything she purchased was quite colourful, pink and frilly. She also sent me the gift receipt.

I went and changed most of the bits into baby clothes that are more to my taste and what I needed.

Today I sent her a pic of DD in the clothes I changed and thanked her for the gifts.

'This isnt what I brought' was her reply, I told her I changed a few bits and thought I'd send it to her.

She replied 'You changed what I got!' with a covering face emoji.

I said yes I thought I'd get things I needed and could use and she replied with 'ok'

I am quite shocked by this! Opinions please - AIBU in changing the items?

OP posts:
Morello339 · 06/03/2021 12:35

How close is this friend? I would 100% do this with my friends and be happy if they did it back. I'd be glad they had got something they needed and would love to see what they had chosen.

Why include a gift receipt otherwise?

UhtredRagnarson · 06/03/2021 12:36

I meant bright colourful colours. I dont like black too smile

Its mainly whites, greys and creams

I think she was trying to help you.

Original poster
Laura187 · 06/03/2021 12:37

@EileenGC

But clothes usually are very different

And? Who cares if a boy is wearing a pink jumper with a bow on it from the girl section? Or viceversa? They’re babies. No one cares which section their clothes came from.

Yes, you can dress your son in a pink jumper and your daughter in a lovely navy shirt, bowtie and shorts. I have no objection to that at all, I am sure he and she would look lovely.

See - I do not get offended at what others think and do!

But I have my own taste and I like to dress my daughter in what I like for now

OP posts:
Teardrop2021 · 06/03/2021 12:37

Utterly rude who does that!

sixthtimelucky · 06/03/2021 12:38

OP: AIBU?

MN: Yes

OP: No I'm not

Not sure what the point was for posting really.

Branleuse · 06/03/2021 12:38

I think gift receipts are usually with the intention of exchanging for a different size if necessary, otherwise she would have just done gift vouchers, so youve done a bit of a faux pas.

Not a big deal really though, but id say it would have been better to have just thanked her and then changed the clothes quietly

Charm23 · 06/03/2021 12:38

I can see both sides. On one hand I can see why she was a bit surprised but she did include the gift receipt so she's obviously intended for you to exchange if necessary? Maybe she just expected you to change size not entirely new items

Original poster
Laura187 · 06/03/2021 12:38

@Morello339

How close is this friend? I would 100% do this with my friends and be happy if they did it back. I'd be glad they had got something they needed and would love to see what they had chosen.

Why include a gift receipt otherwise?

She is a very close friend - I didnt think she'd be offended too.

Its a complete different matter when it comes to distant family and friends. I wouldn't send them pics too - I would just thank them on receiving the gifts and be done with it.

OP posts:
JenIsAGem · 06/03/2021 12:38

@Erkrie

I'd be more upset if I bought someone something they didn't use because they didn't like it. I'd much prefer the person exchanged it for something they liked. After all, surely the gift is supposed to bring some joy to the giftee isn't it? Otherwise what's the bloody point?
👏🏻
LaceyBetty · 06/03/2021 12:39

Very rude of you OP. I'd be so embarrassed if I was your friend. Totally fine to exchange for something else, but you don't send a photo of what you like better! Yikes.

Teardrop2021 · 06/03/2021 12:39

Why would you send her the photos she likely included the receipts incase they were the wrong size.

Glitterblue · 06/03/2021 12:39

I changed quite a few things when DD was a baby but I never sent a photo or let the person know in any way that I'd changed them, for fear of hurting their feelings. It's OK to change for things you'll use rather than wasting them, but I wouldn't have sent the photo.

TitusPullo · 06/03/2021 12:40

I have a DS and my friend has a DD born around the same time. We happen to have bought our babies some of the same things from next, completely coincidentally so they are definitely not all “boy” and “girl”. I am not a fan of frilly and pink or pale blue and cars either.

UhtredRagnarson · 06/03/2021 12:40

No - I appreciate all hand me downs and even got lovely bits off friends. I will also be handing DS clothes to friends when he outgrows them.

She has a DS. I have a DD. Maybe that would explain a few things to you?

Hang on, do you have a DS or a DD? You’ve said both here.

Kitkatchunkyplease · 06/03/2021 12:40

She must have spent a fortune! I would message and apologise op, you've messed up on this one. Congratulations on your little one.

Original poster
Laura187 · 06/03/2021 12:40

@sixthtimelucky

OP: AIBU?

MN: Yes

OP: No I'm not

Not sure what the point was for posting really.

Just another miserable mumsnetter. I see you. I did not say I am not being unreasonable. I always replied with yes I understand and even said I would talk to her tomorrow about it.
OP posts:
Chloemol · 06/03/2021 12:41

I would have just thanked her and perhaps quietly change the items. I certainly would have rubbed her face in it as you have done, that’s just rude

You need to apologise to her

AaronPurr · 06/03/2021 12:41

See - I do not get offended at what others think and do!

Yet you're happy to offend others.

But I have my own taste and I like to dress my daughter in what I like for now

Clothes are just that, something for a baby to wear. Being this hung up on having specific colours and styles is weird.

Original poster
Laura187 · 06/03/2021 12:41

@UhtredRagnarson

No - I appreciate all hand me downs and even got lovely bits off friends. I will also be handing DS clothes to friends when he outgrows them.

She has a DS. I have a DD. Maybe that would explain a few things to you?

Hang on, do you have a DS or a DD? You’ve said both here.

I have a DD. She has a DS. (I also have an older DS)

But I think I got confused above if I did say DS for myself.

OP posts:
saraclara · 06/03/2021 12:42

exchanging every single item of clothes is commenting on her taste and the fact that you hated the stuff she bought so much you couldn't keep a single item

Yep, exchanging EVERYTHING? For the sake of tact, I'd at least keep one or two things from that hamper full.

Rationally accepting that we all have different tastes and that someone might not be keen on what I bought, is one thing. But having it rubbed in my face would be another. I'd be hurt.

Original poster
Laura187 · 06/03/2021 12:42

@Chloemol

I would have just thanked her and perhaps quietly change the items. I certainly would have rubbed her face in it as you have done, that’s just rude

You need to apologise to her

Yes I will speak to her tomorrow and hopefully manage to fix everything
OP posts:
Floralnomad · 06/03/2021 12:43

YABU and very rude , you had 2 choices change the things and don’t tell her or keep them and use them very rarely .

Erkrie · 06/03/2021 12:43

There's a balance in there though! Change things by all means, but maybe be a little more thoughtful in how present it!

All sounds a bit precious and daft to me.

Original poster
Laura187 · 06/03/2021 12:43

@AaronPurr

See - I do not get offended at what others think and do!

Yet you're happy to offend others.

But I have my own taste and I like to dress my daughter in what I like for now

Clothes are just that, something for a baby to wear. Being this hung up on having specific colours and styles is weird.

Yes, I appreciate you are not hung up on colours. How lovely of you.

I love my neutrals and thats what I like. That is how I will dress DD until she herself wants her clothes different.

OP posts:
RootyT00t · 06/03/2021 12:45

I wouldn't worry about liking to dress your DD in what you like. I don't think any friends will be racing to buy anything again

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