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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend offended I returned her gift?

281 replies

Laura187 · 06/03/2021 12:08

Friend sent me a bits from next for DD. I am not into colours and everything she purchased was quite colourful, pink and frilly. She also sent me the gift receipt.

I went and changed most of the bits into baby clothes that are more to my taste and what I needed.

Today I sent her a pic of DD in the clothes I changed and thanked her for the gifts.

'This isnt what I brought' was her reply, I told her I changed a few bits and thought I'd send it to her.

She replied 'You changed what I got!' with a covering face emoji.

I said yes I thought I'd get things I needed and could use and she replied with 'ok'

I am quite shocked by this! Opinions please - AIBU in changing the items?

OP posts:
MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 06/03/2021 12:16

I voted yanbu because she sent you the gift receipt. But I think it wasn't tactful to draw her attention to the fact that you returned what she chose.

Original poster
Laura187 · 06/03/2021 12:16

@M0rT

I don't understand why she gave you a gift receipt if she didn't want you to change it? I could understand being hurt if she had bought you a very personal gift or your DD something she loved from her childhood but clothes are just clothes! I know my audience on this, I have a friend that hates strong colours so go neutral if buying clothes for her DC and another with a little girl who I can indulge all of my glitter and sparkle desires with. But I do give gift receipts in case of sizing problems and wouldn't be at all offended if they exchanged for something they thought more suitable or useful. No point in having ten party dresses and no pajamas!
She actually knows I hate colours all together. She had her DS 6 months ago and I brought her loads of colourful Lion Kings and Dumbo clothes, as that is what she loves.

We often talk about our different tastes, she knows I dont like characters or colourful clothes. I am grateful still for her present though.

OP posts:
CavernousScream · 06/03/2021 12:16

How are you dressing your baby without using any colours? Is hé/she a goth baby?

sunflowersandbuttercups · 06/03/2021 12:16

I don't understand why she gave you a gift receipt if she didn't want you to change it?

In case it was the wrong size! Not in case OP thought it was all awful!

justanotherneighinparadise · 06/03/2021 12:16

Yeah I wouldn’t have done that.

OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 06/03/2021 12:17

Having had relatives who bought a lot of crap for mine, I kept the odd least tasteless bit but somehow most other things were not the right size and then when I went to swap them they didn't have the right size in stock which was SUCH a shame. I would try to find a positive so if they got a warm cardi then I would say how useful something snuggly was so while they didn't have the right size in stock I had swapped of for this other jumper etc. Seemed to work on them anyway.

Original poster
Laura187 · 06/03/2021 12:17

@Dyrne

Massively rude - you effectively sent a message to the friend telling them what a shit present they chose and how much better taste you have.
I dont remember telling her I have better taste then her. We have very DIFFERENT tastes which we both appreciate.
OP posts:
Keratinsmooth · 06/03/2021 12:18

You were daft to send photos or admit to changing them, it is rude albeit unintentionally. Don’t be surprised by lack of future gifts...

halllftheworllldawway · 06/03/2021 12:18

At a push if it came up in conversation I might have admitted exchanging clothes, but said that they were too small and the next size up was out of stock. Just to explain why my child hadn't been seen in the gifts.
No way would I send photos effectively saying I didn't like what you bought 😂

Carolina24 · 06/03/2021 12:18

Rude to mention that you swapped it all. Just say thank you next time without pointing out that you didn’t like everything...

Original poster
Laura187 · 06/03/2021 12:18

@CavernousScream

How are you dressing your baby without using any colours? Is hé/she a goth baby?
I meant bright colourful colours. I dont like black too :)

Its mainly whites, greys and creams

OP posts:
MrBullinaChinaShop · 06/03/2021 12:18

@Laura187

Yes I agree. I regret sending it now. I actually thought it would be a nice thing to do - show her I am using what she got etc. (in my culture its something that is done to show you are thankful etc)
But she didn’t get those things, that’s the point. I always send pictures of my children in the clothes they’ve been bought too, but your child wasn’t bought those clothes. Changing them to something you’ll use... fine. Swapping them for something else then sending a picture... very odd!
user1487194234 · 06/03/2021 12:18

Sorry I think that was very rude

AreTurnipsReal · 06/03/2021 12:18

It's not the end if the world OP. Now you know people may get upset. Apologise you misread and move on :)

sunflowersandbuttercups · 06/03/2021 12:19

@CavernousScream

How are you dressing your baby without using any colours? Is hé/she a goth baby?
Grin
Brieminewine · 06/03/2021 12:19

Why would you send a photo? It’s like you’re trying to make a point of saying you didn’t like what she bought. That is so rude.

Gobbledene · 06/03/2021 12:20

Meh I dunno, I would only buy stuff for friends I was close enough to for them to say if they wanted to swap it, so I wouldn't be offended if they said so. It was possibly more that you didn't mention it then sent her pics in the stuff you had chosen which kinda makes her present and the thought that went into choosing it pointless. I don't think either are unreasonable, it was probably just more of a surprise when she saw the pic.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 06/03/2021 12:20

As others have said, change the clothes by all means but sending the picture basically told her how much you didn't appreciate her effort!

Did you really get rid of all of it? Did you really show her how bad you think her taste in kids clothing is? And are you REALLY trying to say that your culture thinks this is OK? You didn't show her that her gift is being use, you showed her how awful you thought it was!

You have just offended a good friend ( big hamper from Next is quite an investment in someone elses child) who probably won't bother in future!

And it's probably too late to make it right!

sunflowersandbuttercups · 06/03/2021 12:20

I dont remember telling her I have better taste then her.

Not outright, but that's what you did by sending her that photo. It's rude.

When someone gives you a gift, even if it's not to your taste, the polite thing to do is say thank you. Could you not have photographed your child in them and then sold them on eBay or something if you really found them so offensive?

Carolina24 · 06/03/2021 12:21

I think grey looks like prison scrubs on a baby but when my aunt sent me dreary grey babygrows I sent a polite thank you card and quietly exchanged them for something nice. Wouldn’t have occurred to me to tell her I didn’t like them!

LunaHeather · 06/03/2021 12:21

@Laura187

Yes I agree. I regret sending it now. I actually thought it would be a nice thing to do - show her I am using what she got etc. (in my culture its something that is done to show you are thankful etc)
In your culture?

What culture takes a photo of the gift the giver didn't buy?

I don't blame you for changing them at all. But I cannot understand how you excuse the picture.

Erkrie · 06/03/2021 12:21

Can't see what the problem is here. I'd assume the face covering emoji thing was because she got it wrong, not because she's annoyed. Why don't you pick up the phone and actually talk to her about it?

LagunaBubbles · 06/03/2021 12:21

actually thought it would be a nice thing to do - show her I am using what she got etc

Except you weren't using what she got! Yoy swapped for things she didn't get. Whether you meant it or not it sent a message that was rude.

riotlady · 06/03/2021 12:21

Yeah that was a weird way to go about it tbh

Travis1 · 06/03/2021 12:22

Am I the only one that would rather a friend exchange something and let me know than me never seeing the child use/wear what I bought and me assuming it’s been a total waste of money? I mean that’s why I give gift receipts because I accept I won’t always get it right.