Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend offended I returned her gift?

281 replies

Laura187 · 06/03/2021 12:08

Friend sent me a bits from next for DD. I am not into colours and everything she purchased was quite colourful, pink and frilly. She also sent me the gift receipt.

I went and changed most of the bits into baby clothes that are more to my taste and what I needed.

Today I sent her a pic of DD in the clothes I changed and thanked her for the gifts.

'This isnt what I brought' was her reply, I told her I changed a few bits and thought I'd send it to her.

She replied 'You changed what I got!' with a covering face emoji.

I said yes I thought I'd get things I needed and could use and she replied with 'ok'

I am quite shocked by this! Opinions please - AIBU in changing the items?

OP posts:
Jenasaurus · 06/03/2021 12:45

So if you sent your friends child a christmas jumper and then she sent you a photo of her child in a pretty dress and said, heres my DC wearing the clothes you bought her, you wouldntthink that was odd

Erkrie · 06/03/2021 12:46

I wouldn't think it was odd. I'd just say I'm glad you found something you liked. And give them a gift voucher next time instead.

Newnamefor2021 · 06/03/2021 12:46

I think it's rude too.

Sugarandteaandmum · 06/03/2021 12:47

Next has a lot of super gendered pink/blue stuff and also the white cream monochrome stuff. Plus they have colourful character clothes. But it sounds like you think those are the only 3 choices OP? Next also does general bright colours and prints that are neither daddy's little princess nor HULK SMASH!

I know this is not the subject of the thread really but I am just confused about what your taste is Smile

Original poster
Laura187 · 06/03/2021 12:47

She just called me now - asked about dd and said she looked lovely. I asked her if she was offended. She said she was cooking and just couldn't write properly.

I do think she was offended though. I mean wouldn't you write 'she looks lovely or anything' other than 'you changed what I got'

hmm I am now scared she saw this post!! But didnt mention anything to me

OP posts:
TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 06/03/2021 12:48

@Laura187

Yes I agree. I regret sending it now. I actually thought it would be a nice thing to do - show her I am using what she got etc. (in my culture its something that is done to show you are thankful etc)
But you're not using what she got and you're not thankful!

How on earth did what you did seem "a nice thing to do"?!

Redrunbluerun · 06/03/2021 12:48

I can’t believe you thought this was ok Op! Sorry but lesson learnt on this one.
Fair enough you changed the clothes, but sending the photos of the changed clothes was an odd thing to do.

SoulofanAggron · 06/03/2021 12:48

I wouldn'tve rubbed it in that you didn't like her gifts.

Somethingsnappy · 06/03/2021 12:48

It's done now OP, so try to have a think about how you can fix it. Have you responded to her message yet? Could you go back to Next and buy back one or two of the items and photograph your baby in them and then say you kept most of the things but there were just a couple that you weren't so keen on, so swapped those? And then thank her profusely and say sorry about the misunderstanding.

Stonerosie67 · 06/03/2021 12:48

Yeah, YANBU to swap the clothes but YAVU to send her a photo, that was really rude! The gift receipt was to change the size if needed, not the whole lot. I would be really pissed off if you'd done that then sent me a photo....that's the whole point and why your friend is offended, but you don't (or refuse to!) seem able to grasp this!
I had definite ideas on how I wanted to dress ds and most of the time he wore what I decided. However, he was lucky enough to have generous family on both sides who had different ideas to me and so if I was going to see them, he wore something that they bought him. They loved to see him in it, I could live with it for the time we were all together and let's face it, ds couldn't have given a shit what he wore!
I didn't keep everything, I took some back and exchanged it for what I liked, but this way, everyone was kept happy.

SabrinaMorningstar · 06/03/2021 12:49

This is so misguided, it's hilarious. Sorry OP but I don't see how any adult could genuinely think sending a photo of gifts someone didn't buy would be viewed as being grateful Grin
The reason for the gift receipt is usually so you can swop any doublers - happens quite often with baby gifts - or any wrong sizes. Not so you can return everything and replace with items more to your taste. Plus the neutrals are 'your' taste, not your baby's taste. DD isn't a doll. If something was offensive then yy by all means return it but just because it didn't match your colour scheme ... sorry, I'm laughing just thinking about it. Hopefully your friend will have a good sense of humour about it too Grin

Gwenhwyfar · 06/03/2021 12:49

@Travis1

Am I the only one that would rather a friend exchange something and let me know than me never seeing the child use/wear what I bought and me assuming it’s been a total waste of money? I mean that’s why I give gift receipts because I accept I won’t always get it right.
If a parent has an objection to a certain thing, I'd prefer them to tell me first. Other than that, the gift was for the baby so why does it have be OP's favourite colour? What harm would it do the baby? I'd find this very rude. Totally different matter if I bought an item of clothing for a friend (which I would never do anyway because taste is so personal).
RootyT00t · 06/03/2021 12:49

@Laura187

She just called me now - asked about dd and said she looked lovely. I asked her if she was offended. She said she was cooking and just couldn't write properly.

I do think she was offended though. I mean wouldn't you write 'she looks lovely or anything' other than 'you changed what I got'

hmm I am now scared she saw this post!! But didnt mention anything to me

No, I wouldn't.

I don't think id even reply.

I can't believe you think she is the wrong with her message to you. The woman is a saint.

Original poster
Laura187 · 06/03/2021 12:49

@Jenasaurus

So if you sent your friends child a christmas jumper and then she sent you a photo of her child in a pretty dress and said, heres my DC wearing the clothes you bought her, you wouldntthink that was odd
I personally wouldn't. I would be happy they got something the child and they like. That is the point of my gift
OP posts:
Kitkatchunkyplease · 06/03/2021 12:49

@Laura187

She just called me now - asked about dd and said she looked lovely. I asked her if she was offended. She said she was cooking and just couldn't write properly.

I do think she was offended though. I mean wouldn't you write 'she looks lovely or anything' other than 'you changed what I got'

hmm I am now scared she saw this post!! But didnt mention anything to me

Did you apologise? I would probably apologise and put this down to experience. It wasn't good to swap the entire hamper and then tell her about it!
Pebbledashery · 06/03/2021 12:49

God. What on earth possessed you to send her a pictures of the exchanged gifts....thats very rude.
You're within your rights to exchange stuff but I can't even begin to understand why you thought she wouldn't be offended after seeing a picture.

AllMyPrettyOnes · 06/03/2021 12:50

God, what a rude git you are!

lioncitygirl · 06/03/2021 12:50

Yikes Op. that was a terrible move on your part - I would think twice about giving you stuff in the future 😂..... I mean, who does that?! You didn’t even take one picture of your child in the clothes she bought? I mean not even one? You exchanged everything??? Every single thing?

Yes - I think she’s offended. 100%.

MuddleMoo · 06/03/2021 12:50

Change it but don't send a photo!

Original poster
Laura187 · 06/03/2021 12:51

ROOTYTOOT - I don't think she is in the wrong at all if she was offended. You are twisting what I am saying.

I just pointed out maybe she is offended and just doesnt want to upset me and so is making out everything is fine.

OP posts:
mainsfed · 06/03/2021 12:51

I do think she was offended though. I mean wouldn't you write 'she looks lovely or anything' other than 'you changed what I got'

OP, you are turning this around on her now when it was you that was rude. You seem annoyed that she asserted herself. Are you generally the more dominant one in the friendship?

CuriousaboutSamphire · 06/03/2021 12:52

@Erkrie

There's a balance in there though! Change things by all means, but maybe be a little more thoughtful in how present it!

All sounds a bit precious and daft to me.

I know. It's like we have different opinions isn't it? Smile
Original poster
Laura187 · 06/03/2021 12:52

@lioncitygirl

Yikes Op. that was a terrible move on your part - I would think twice about giving you stuff in the future 😂..... I mean, who does that?! You didn’t even take one picture of your child in the clothes she bought? I mean not even one? You exchanged everything??? Every single thing?

Yes - I think she’s offended. 100%.

Well I kept the toys and bibs. Just changed the clothes.

And yes I think she is offended too although she called a few mins ago and said everything is fine. I will try to make it up with her somehow

OP posts:
HeyDemonsItsYaGirl · 06/03/2021 12:53

Maybe she feels sorry for your baby being dressed like a Victorian ghost?

CuriousaboutSamphire · 06/03/2021 12:53

I'd leave it now, if I were you. Lest you make the whole issue more about you than it already is!