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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend offended I returned her gift?

281 replies

Laura187 · 06/03/2021 12:08

Friend sent me a bits from next for DD. I am not into colours and everything she purchased was quite colourful, pink and frilly. She also sent me the gift receipt.

I went and changed most of the bits into baby clothes that are more to my taste and what I needed.

Today I sent her a pic of DD in the clothes I changed and thanked her for the gifts.

'This isnt what I brought' was her reply, I told her I changed a few bits and thought I'd send it to her.

She replied 'You changed what I got!' with a covering face emoji.

I said yes I thought I'd get things I needed and could use and she replied with 'ok'

I am quite shocked by this! Opinions please - AIBU in changing the items?

OP posts:
CuriousaboutSamphire · 06/03/2021 12:28

@Erkrie

I'd be more upset if I bought someone something they didn't use because they didn't like it. I'd much prefer the person exchanged it for something they liked. After all, surely the gift is supposed to bring some joy to the giftee isn't it? Otherwise what's the bloody point?
There's a balance in there though! Change things by all means, but maybe be a little more thoughtful in how present it!
Nebulacoffee · 06/03/2021 12:28

YANBU to change them, but I would have asked her first if she minded that I use the gift receipt and explain why. Just out of courtesy.

Original poster
Laura187 · 06/03/2021 12:29

@Jessbow

What an odd thing to do, Change them but dont rub her nose in it.

Sad thing is, she has a baby 6 months older than yours- hand me down heaven, but you probably wouldnt appreciate that either

No - I appreciate all hand me downs and even got lovely bits off friends. I will also be handing DS clothes to friends when he outgrows them.

She has a DS. I have a DD. Maybe that would explain a few things to you?

OP posts:
mainsfed · 06/03/2021 12:29

This is the quickest way to ensure you get no gifts in future.

Original poster
Laura187 · 06/03/2021 12:30

@Nebulacoffee

YANBU to change them, but I would have asked her first if she minded that I use the gift receipt and explain why. Just out of courtesy.
Yes but she put the receipt in? I do the same usually so the other person can change what they dont need or like.
OP posts:
Blueskytoday06 · 06/03/2021 12:30

Perhaps not rude but thoughtless. It's done. Forget about it and move on.

strawbmilk · 06/03/2021 12:30

Someone bought my DD an expensive coat from gap. They gave me the gift receipt and I exchanged for the next size up as it was a bit small on her and they were offended.... I learnt my lesson there.

The thing is they bought the coat 16 months ago now and it still fits her so we got 2 winters out of it! We see them all the time and she's always wearing it. I'd be delighted if my gift stretched that long.

AaronPurr · 06/03/2021 12:30

She has a DS. I have a DD. Maybe that would explain a few things to you?

They're baby clothes, why would the sex of the children matter? Confused

Original poster
Laura187 · 06/03/2021 12:31

@AaronPurr

She has a DS. I have a DD. Maybe that would explain a few things to you?

They're baby clothes, why would the sex of the children matter? Confused

Have a look online at the baby boy and girl clothing on Next. Might just answer your question.

Onesies - yes
But clothes usually are very different

OP posts:
Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 06/03/2021 12:32

Chronically daft and insensitive to send her pics of stuff she hadn't spent time, thought and care on picking!

You could have kept one thing and photoed the baby in it

Or just said "thanks" and left it at that?

UhtredRagnarson · 06/03/2021 12:32

“Bits” “brought” “not into colour”

YANBU to change the clothes

YABU to send her a photo of the new clothes

If you need to change something you just do it tactfully. You don’t announce it to the person that their taste is shit.

Moondust001 · 06/03/2021 12:32

@Laura187

Yes I agree. I regret sending it now. I actually thought it would be a nice thing to do - show her I am using what she got etc. (in my culture its something that is done to show you are thankful etc)
I am not sure what culture shows it's gratitude by sending photo's of things someone didn't buy whilst telling them that you replaced everything they did! Awfully rude.
mcclucky · 06/03/2021 12:32

Couldn't you have taken a photo of her next to a toy and said 'thank you'? Given you kept the toys? You could have then left it there.

As for the clothes, it was rude to swap them and tell her you had swapped them by sending her photos. I'm not really sure why you did, TBH - your DD is a baby, she doesn't care what she wears, and she'll ruin a lot of her clothes by being a baby. You could have easily kept the clothes you didn't particularly like for the next time she's sick and keeps throwing up every time you change her.

MiddlesexGirl · 06/03/2021 12:32

Mind boggles at all this hamper giving for one small baby!

Original poster
Laura187 · 06/03/2021 12:33

@strawbmilk

Someone bought my DD an expensive coat from gap. They gave me the gift receipt and I exchanged for the next size up as it was a bit small on her and they were offended.... I learnt my lesson there.

The thing is they bought the coat 16 months ago now and it still fits her so we got 2 winters out of it! We see them all the time and she's always wearing it. I'd be delighted if my gift stretched that long.

Yes I would have been happy too. I honestly don't expect people to LOVE what I get them. I am reasonable, I know theres a chance they may not like it, it might not fit, they may have similar items etc etc.
OP posts:
Abraxan · 06/03/2021 12:33

@Laura187

Yes I agree. I regret sending it now. I actually thought it would be a nice thing to do - show her I am using what she got etc. (in my culture its something that is done to show you are thankful etc)
But you didn't show her that you were using what she got -you showed her what you got, after exchanging her gift.

Next time just send a thank you message without the picture.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 06/03/2021 12:33

It would be the last gift I sent if someone did that. A gift receipt is for duplicates or the wrong size.

I take the tags off gifts though so that they can’t be returned and always ensure the size is correct. I think it’s very rude to return, it says to me the receiver thinks the choice was rubbish and they can do better.

Echobelly · 06/03/2021 12:33

You're not unreasonable to have changed them but I think it would seem a bit snarky to send a pic like that. I would either have thanked and said no more, or maybe said 'Those clothes were very cute but I'm wanting to put DD in more gender-neutral/practical stuff so I've change them'

EileenGC · 06/03/2021 12:33

But clothes usually are very different

And? Who cares if a boy is wearing a pink jumper with a bow on it from the girl section? Or viceversa? They’re babies. No one cares which section their clothes came from.

Original poster
Laura187 · 06/03/2021 12:34

@MiddlesexGirl

Mind boggles at all this hamper giving for one small baby!
I understand this but to be honest I hate offending anyone but that is quite normal in our friend group. One of my friends got me an expensive pump. Another got me baby swing etc.

We all get gifts of the same value for each other.

OP posts:
mainsfed · 06/03/2021 12:34

Yes I agree. I regret sending it now. I actually thought it would be a nice thing to do - show her I am using what she got etc. (in my culture its something that is done to show you are thankful etc)

But part of that is to show them that you like THEIR choice for your baby. It's fine to exchange but sending a pic of different clothes is saying didn't like what you bought.

OnceUponAThread · 06/03/2021 12:35

You keep harping on about the gift receipt being in there.

  1. loads of people have already said that this is often a size thing.

  2. almost everyone is saying that you are extremely unreasonable - not for swapping the stuff but for SENDING THE PICTURE.

  3. even if she did include the receipt so you can swap where necessary - exchanging every single item of clothes is commenting on her taste and the fact that you hated the stuff she bought so much you couldn't keep a single item

  4. you've said upthread that you kept the toys she chose. Why on earth not just send a picture of baby with toys saying "he loves his new bear" (or whatever) and not comment on the clothes.

Everyone has told you the message is rule. You bleating on about a gift receipt is not going to change that.

Abraxan · 06/03/2021 12:35

Or at least lie and say they didn't fit - that's why most people leave a gift receipt in I guess.

supersonicginandtonic · 06/03/2021 12:35

Whites, greys and creams. You sound incredibly boring. They're ok colours for a new baby but for an older one, come on! Are you going to be one of those arsey parents that don't like their kids getting dirty? Hope you aren't thinking of sending her to a childminder or nursery.

I don't personally like character clothing but I am not rude and I appreciate gifts. My kids would wear them anyway, they don't care when they are little:

Echobelly · 06/03/2021 12:35

FWIW, I was also anti pink and frilly for DD, but if people bought it/gave it to me (we got hand-me-downs from a very 'girly' relative) I used it, and just got more neutral stuff when I was buying.

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