To feel weird about how my exes partner is referring to our daughter

[meetmeinarizona]

My daughters dad has been with his partner for 3 years, they don't live together and my daughter maybe sees her at a max 4 times a month.

The partner is nice enough and is nice to my daughter and my daughter likes her so that's the main thing.

My best friend used to work with her and so has her on Facebook, she sent me a screenshot earlier and it was a picture of her and my daughter and the caption 'my girl, my everything' and then a few comments on the pic one being 'she's gorgeous Sarah' (fake name) and she responded 'thank you, so proud'.

I just think that's very strange, 1. What is she proud of? 2. You see my daughter once a week, how can she be your 'everything'?

Welcome to be told I'm over sensitive but I'm very close to saying something so need perspective first.

That is bloody weird! I don’t know why people do this

It would make me feel uncomfortable personally

Does she have children of her own?

I’m stuck between thinking it’s quite nice of her making an effort and also thinking it’s bleddy weird. I’m going with weird. DS’s stepmum doesn’t make an effort with him at all but I think I would get spun out if she did as you explain.

That is very upsetting for you , and totally ott on her part

Hideously inappropriate!

Is she passing your dd off as her own?
It is definitely odd and OTT imo.
But your dd likes her. Thats something where relationships are concerned I think.
If you're uncomfortable send her a private msg and ask her to tone it down?

Sounds like she's using her for social media attention. I wouldn't be happy if that were my dd. I don't like her being on SM though. I have a couple of baby pics up of her on FB but not many and my privacy settings are very strict.

Weird. It's probably just for the FB likes, but still strange, attention seeking behaviour.

That's quite inappropriate.

I’d speak to your ex about it.

She likes your daughter. She cares for her. Your daughter likes her. I'd do nothing to jeopardise this by getting territorial over a Facebook post that she didn't mean for you to see. It would make me feel uncomfortable too but I'd leave it.

Yeah that’s weird! My ex’s other half tries to do the whole “we’re all three of us parents” thing, and I’m like great that he has another adult that cares, but nope, he has two parents, and you don’t get a vote.

Politely ask her to restrain herself as, although you're delighted she cares, she's your daughter after all.

Posted too soon. Do you have many pics of her on your sm? If not, I'd say to her dad that you're not comfortable with her photos being posted online and ask for them to be removed.

It's all about image. She's doing it for the likes.

Should be called Fake Book...

Yeah that's too much and would make me uncomfortable.

Listen to @Sparrowtree

Yeah she's using your daughter for attention. Are you amicable enough with ex to raise it with him?

Glad to see it is as weird as I thought. She has no kids of her own. I will speak to my ex rather than her as I don't want to cause any drama, we've had a very civil relationship so far, she's been to plays and birthday party's and has always been nice and approached me and had a chat. I just think the post is taking it too far.

What bothered me most was her saying she's so proud?....hmm, you see her once a week, me and her dad have raised her and continue to raise her...what are you proud of?

Effing weirdo.
I was with my now dh when his dd was only 9 months old and we used to have her three nights a week, I had her on all my days off from work on my own as she got older. But I still wouldn't have done this, it's odd. I obviously think the world of her, she's 16 now, but she wasn't my girl and I would not have said it!

It is weird

But what do you want? For her to not care about DD? To not love DD? To not look forward to time she spends with DD? To not be another person proud of DD?

Obviously not, so I think you’d be complaining on principle. Whilst I would also dislike it, the point is DD is happy, another person loves DD, and DD has more people in her life supporting her.

What exactly would be your complaint?

I think it’s weird.

When looking after my niece and nephew or friends children for the day I may take pictures and send them to their parents (ie proof of life) but I have never posted them on social media. Mum and dad can post them if they want to.

Frankly “my girl, my everything” has hand that rocks the cradle vibe to it.....

Can you post that it’s lovely that she gets on with your daughter so well?

I don't know how I'd feel about that. But, seeing someone just once a week can lead to a close bond. Grandparents often see grandchildren less than that and have a very close bond.