To feel weird about how my exes partner is referring to our daughter

[meetmeinarizona]

My daughters dad has been with his partner for 3 years, they don't live together and my daughter maybe sees her at a max 4 times a month.

The partner is nice enough and is nice to my daughter and my daughter likes her so that's the main thing.

My best friend used to work with her and so has her on Facebook, she sent me a screenshot earlier and it was a picture of her and my daughter and the caption 'my girl, my everything' and then a few comments on the pic one being 'she's gorgeous Sarah' (fake name) and she responded 'thank you, so proud'.

I just think that's very strange, 1. What is she proud of? 2. You see my daughter once a week, how can she be your 'everything'?

Welcome to be told I'm over sensitive but I'm very close to saying something so need perspective first.

[gutful]

Don’t have kids, been a “step mum” like role & gf to people with kids

I would pity her & role my eyes. Can totally see why this would irk you

“My girl” & “so proud”

She is posturing on fb for likes & perhaps she feels this is a show to her boyfriend of her commitment to the relationship

It just sounds lame & being fake on Facebook

It must be hard to bite your tongue to your ex about this but if you can ignore it. If asked your opinion on her you can now say based on this you feel she is a bit odd.

[ElderMillennial]

I can understand why it would feel strange but what exactly are you going to say to your ex? What exactly is this issue?

She says your daughter is her "everything". Well yes dramatic but she's saying she cares.

She says she is "proud". You can be proud of someone who is not your child. I'm not sure it's relevant how many times a week she sees her.

They get along. It's a good thing.

[Urintrouble]

She just wants likes on social media and your daughter is a great accessory to get her those likes. Ignore.

[BoobBoobier]

Its a bit OTT and I can understand why it makes you feel uncomfortable but honestly I wouldn't say anything.

As PP said, what would actually be your complaint? That someone else cares too much for your DD and is proud of her?

I think all complaining about this will do is either damage the relationship between you, your ex and his partner (or worse, her and your DD) and make you look like you're throwing a tantrum about someone you think is playing too much of a 'mum' role.

The most important thing here is that DD is cared for and gets on well with her. I'd hate seeing that but I wouldn't want to jeopardise that even more so I'd leave it.

Also, if your ex is aware and thinks the post is fine, I don't think you can really dictate what she posts unfortunately.

[BoobBoobier]

Also I'm a SM and a Mum so I can see both sides.

I'd never post that personally about my SCs but some people are quite gushy on SM, seems like she may just be one of those?

Also not sure what the relevance is in regards to who raised her and being proud of her. She obviously cares about your DD, you say been to plays etc... Maybe she is proud of her? People can be proud of other people's children if they have a relationship with them.

My DSCs aren't my kids but I'm still proud of their achievements because they are my family my virtue of being my husbands kids and I care about them.

[georgarina]

Hmm I would look for context.

How does she refer to other people on FB? Is she just a generally OTT person when it comes to social media, describing everyone as an angel and her best friend?

What's your daughter's relationship with her? Do they have a good one? Are she and the woman friends on FB and has your daughter seen the pictures/what's her reaction?

I'd feel it out a bit.

[shitsandgig]

I think this is awful. It's nice she obviously loves your daughter. But a massive overstep on her part.

I personally don't put pics of my DC on social media. My Ex's new partner. (Of 6 months) puts pics of them all over her public social media. It's drives me absolutely insane.

[wonderingsoul]

I think it's quite sweet, but I do understand the werid ekk feeling. Ateast she sees her weekly and must think highly of her.

My exs wife has Never met my children, their dad hasnt seen them in 11 years, but speack on the xbox.
The wife calls them her babies and step children. It used to boil my piss as she's never met them, has spoken to them once on the phone for a few minutes.
Recently the wife mum has sent them birthday and Christmas money as their her grandchildren to....
They have no idea she's exists, but I'm thinking they just want to be nice and I'm not going to stop my children knowing/thinking other people care just because I find it werid.

[MinesAPintOfTea]

I have friends who do this for practically every child they are in any kind of "aunt" relationship to, let alone step children. It's just how her social group are taking about children they have a supportive relationship with. Same women also have lots of twee motivational quotes.

Raise your eyebrows, but don't say anything. It's coming from a place of trying to show she cares about your DD.

[CC2021]

I'm really not seeing the issue here. She loves your DD and has a positive relationship with her. I'm proud of my DSD and often say so on my social media. Why wouldn't I, she's my family and I love her. People on my social media know I didn't give birth to her and people on her SM will know this too. She's not say "I gave birth to this person and look how amazing I am". She's simply saying she's proud of the child.

I'm proud of my nephew, some of us really do just feel immensely proud of the DC in our lives. We don't have to give birth someone to feel proud of them.

Calling her the "new" girlfriend after 3 years is frankly offensive.

Wouldn't you rather your DD feel loved and have people in her life who care about her?

Oh and chances are her DP already knows she's posting. My DH has SM but doesn't us it. He knows I share things about DSD, his family love seeing updates and would rather I share them than nobody shares them.

[gutful]

Actually yes will agree after 3 years she isn’t “new”

[notacooldad]

The words she has used are common Facebook terms
I agree it's probably for attention.
I think if the relationship is ok between you two and your dd likes her I would probably seeth for a bit but ultimately it go.
Theres mo point starting a battle over this if everything else is calm.

[Sparrowtree]

@pollylocketpickedapocket What harm
Is coming to the child here? There's another adult who loves her and cares for her in her world. She's known your daughter since she was 4 so for 3 years. Being told to back off would serve no one except the mother's ego. Coparenting is bloody hard, having a blended family is bloody hard. It's all hard enough without creating territorial boundaries that can't be enforced anyway. It's not wise parenting to pick fight you can't win that will just lead to bad feelings. What if this woman becomes the mother to your child's half siblings? Why drive a wedge?

[Bepawsome]

It would bother me.

It would bother me more that she’s “proud” of how “gorgeous” she is. The one thing that a child or parents has absolutely no control over.

Sounds very narcissistic, using your “gorgeous” child to reflect glory on her.

However, if your ex has given her permission to post and he has parental responsibility you are stuck. You can ask him not to post pictures of her on his or her SM but cannot stop either of them.

My ex’s fruit loop new gf did this a lot with my daughter. The best thing I did was ask friends not to screenshot things, and block them myself.

[BoobBoobier]

Calling her the "new" girlfriend after 3 years is frankly offensive

This as well. She's hardly 'new' after 3 years for goodness sake.

[BoobBoobier]

@Cuppachino

I think you are being precious. People can be proud for all sorts of reasons

I've got SC and I would never say I'm proud of them. That's for their 2 parents to say/feel. I have said to my DH at times when they've achieved something "Oh fantastic, you must be so proud of them" or I've said to them "Well done, you should be so proud of yourself" but I don't feel I have any right to say I'M proud of them.

I find this obsession with the word proud and it's meaning really weird and pedantic to be honest...

I have two DSCs and I have often told them I'm proud of them if they've, for example won an award at school or whatever. Why not?

People seem to think that the only reason you can be proud of someone is if you are responsible for them i.e. only parents can be proud of their children because they were responsible for creating them.

I don't actually think it always means that. I'm proud of various people in my life, proud of a friend who got out of a DV situation not long ago and spoke out against her abuser, proud of my family member for working flat out in NHS during the pandemic, proud of my DSCs because they won star of the week this week at school. What's the huge deal? There's nothing remotely weird or overstepping to say you're proud of someone you have a relationship with, whatever that relationship is. You don't have to have given birth to them.

I'm not saying I agree with the GFs post but I just don't get this obsession with the fact she said she was proud of the DD and the exclaiming that PPs would never say they were proud of their step children and how inappropriate it is... Why?

[BoobBoobier]

Really it just goes to show how you can't win. You're absolutely awful if you don't love step children enough but don't you dare say you're proud of them because it's inappropriate... so odd.

[5128gap]

I wouldn't take it literally.
She's obviously fond of your DD, and wants to publicise that, for whatever reason people want to publicise anything on FB. I don't get it, but a lot of people do.
Not everyone is good at expressing themselves originally, and so tend to use one of a set of standard phrases, 'my kids are my world' etc.
Its just that I'd think.

[RootyT00t]

Yeh, weird.

[RootyT00t]

@BoobBoobier

Really it just goes to show how you can't win. You're absolutely awful if you don't love step children enough but don't you dare say you're proud of them because it's inappropriate... so odd.

I think saying she's proud is fine but ..my everything? My girl?

[Theunamedcat]

The "My girl" comment in Facebook would have had my children's father asking if he was just a sperm donar

She is even cutting your ex out of his own childs life 🤣

[Surlyburd]

Yuck! That would really piss me off

[Candyfloss99]

@BoobBoobier

Really it just goes to show how you can't win. You're absolutely awful if you don't love step children enough but don't you dare say you're proud of them because it's inappropriate... so odd.

So true and some people just like to find a problem with absolutely everything.

[MNWorldisCrazy]

@meetmeinarizona Have you decided what to do OP? I couldn't leave this..... My motherly instinct would be revving 🐻

[Supmama]

My kids have a new uncle through marriage few months married and sees them maybe once a month if that (pre lockdown) but is really full on and wants to be centre of attention around them and in every post I do on am, he writes something like "I love these kids soooo much" all the time. He is trying too hard but has a good heart in general he wants to be a favourite I think. I do think he is genuinely fond of my kids but he hardly knows them really, it's more him trying to be liked and that it's his first time being an uncle maybe. I don't believe he is actually in love with my kids as he makes out. So I'm thinking people say things and over egg without thinking to deeply especially when they are not parents themselves, that its crossing a line. I would just ignore it for now at least tbh.