To feel weird about how my exes partner is referring to our daughter

[meetmeinarizona]

My daughters dad has been with his partner for 3 years, they don't live together and my daughter maybe sees her at a max 4 times a month.

The partner is nice enough and is nice to my daughter and my daughter likes her so that's the main thing.

My best friend used to work with her and so has her on Facebook, she sent me a screenshot earlier and it was a picture of her and my daughter and the caption 'my girl, my everything' and then a few comments on the pic one being 'she's gorgeous Sarah' (fake name) and she responded 'thank you, so proud'.

I just think that's very strange, 1. What is she proud of? 2. You see my daughter once a week, how can she be your 'everything'?

Welcome to be told I'm over sensitive but I'm very close to saying something so need perspective first.

It is weird and ridiculous. But it’s not harming anyone, is it?

I don’t think your friend did you a favor sending it.

It seems weird to me but some people are just very very gushy. I have a family member who is like that. Dd is very sporty and “wins things”. I am occasionally slightly concerned that she may actually explode by the amount of “bursting with pride” that she is.

Me and dh are very neglectful parents and don’t burst at all. We do sometimes talk about it once the kids are in bed and we are loading the dishwasher - “she did well today, didn’t she” “yes - it was quite impressive - oooh - that plate needs swilling before it goes in.”

I have a child free friend who always refers to her niece as being the centre of her world and her reason for keeping going. She sees this girl a maximum of 6 times a year (in normal times) so I find it a bit strange. Also she posts pics of her doing things such as swimming or gymnastics and says "Obviously has Aunty x genes"
She genuinely love the niece and her comments come from a good place, but I wonder what her SIL thinks about it.

But it’s not harming anyone, is it?

What about the child? What about her right not to be used like this?

She can be nice to your daughter and your daughter like her but this is just plain fucking weird and is all about the comments . I would be livid.

Tbf id not get too concerned about this...
Shes obviously showing off a little. Yes it's a bit wierd but who really cares? And at least she seems to think your daughter is special enough to be worth showing off as part of her life...
I'd just ignore it tbh.

I find this weird. Could she be trying to score brownie points with your ex to show him how "down with this situation" she is, when she really isn't?
She sounds like she's either trying to convince herself or convince other people.
But personally I wouldn't say anything to your ex because you'll not come off looking very hinged if he's besotted with this woman.

It's really odd behaviour - your DD is in no way 'her' girl, that's really offensive given she has 2 loving and involved parents already.

Sounds like she's using your DD for attention - like a PP said, it's a bit 'Hand that rocks the cradle' but don't raise it with her. Speak to your ex, assuming you have an amicable relationship.

My exes gf has on her twitter bio 'mother of one'. My ex hasn't seen his child in nearly a year due to emotional abuse that was disclosed to a councillor. She Def isn't pregnant/had a baby as she doesn't want kids. So clearly referring to my child. Bizarre.

She sounds like a hun, I would just leave her to it. Her facebook is probably full of pictures of her with a different 'bestie' every week and all that shite.

@WhiskyIrnBru

My exes gf has on her twitter bio 'mother of one'. My ex hasn't seen his child in nearly a year due to emotional abuse that was disclosed to a councillor. She Def isn't pregnant/had a baby as she doesn't want kids. So clearly referring to my child. Bizarre.

That wins weirdness!

So has your ex’s girlfriend even “her child”?

It’s gushy and OTT but honestly the benefits of positive relationships all round outweigh the slightly cringiness. I’d let it go.

That should say “has your ex’s girlfriend even MET her child?”

let it go - be pleased your dd has more people in her life to love her.

One of the best parenting arrangements I've seen is a friend whose dd is severely autistic. Her marriage ended and her exH got together with someone else and married her. They share care of the dd, who is at a special school. I'm only FB friends with the mum but its clear that all three of them adore the dd and rejoice in her achievements and laugh together at her quirks.

It was not easy for my friend as the breakup was not her choice - but they are all putting the dd first and co-parenting as a team. The best thing for your dd is to be loved and supported by the adults in her life, not fought over.

I had a relationship with a man that had two little kids that were fond of me and I was fond of them but I would never post anything remotely like she did!

Surely if your ex is on FB too, he will have seen it?

But I think I'd mention it, and say that you love how well they (she and DD) get on, but you're not comfortable with the use of "my girl, my everything" as you are her mother.

She has and spent time with DC. But has made it clear she's not a 'step mother'' (in fact one year lost the plot because my child bought a small box of chocolates for mother's Day because she didn't want her to feel left out!)

I've tried to rationalise it that perhaps it's the hamster they have together but... It's not. She also comments a lot on the school FB page and regularly posts how she is raising money for the school.

We've had no contact with them for months.
It's bizarre. They live in a different city too...

@meetmeinarizona YANBU!

Weird and scary.

I'd be reluctant to let her spend anymore time with her tbh.

Are you comfortable with her posting photos of your daughter? If not, discuss it with your ex. If so, I’d let this slide. You have to pick your battles and while I agree she’s being inappropriate I don’t think it’s worth a fall out. My ex husband had a female friend who only met our children a few times but would refer to them as ‘my boys’ and posted some photos of them at a group event saying the same thing. It irritated me too because they’re ‘my boys’ but I left it and later found out she had some pretty bad emotional/mental health problems. I don’t think people use other people’s children to get Facebook likes unless they have issues.

I dont know, I think seeing her every week for 3 years of course she will care very much for her, and see her as family.
I understand how it would get to you as I would definitly feel like this if I was in your shoes, but I don't think I'd do anything if you can figure that she actually feels this way about her. It's good for steparents to be loving, it could certainly be much worse.

An example, a friend of mine married a man who has a vasectomy and wants no more children and she is stepmom to two boys. She absolutely truly dotes on them and treats them as if they were her blood. She doesnt plan on having children of her own.

@missbridgerton

Surely if your ex is on FB too, he will have seen it?

But I think I'd mention it, and say that you love how well they (she and DD) get on, but you're not comfortable with the use of "my girl, my everything" as you are her mother.

This!

It's the quote that makes it awkward. It's nice that she obviously likes your DD - but she isn't her girl.

I'd have been ok with "My gorgeous stepdaughter" perhaps - but as a pp said - it is a bit 'hand that rocks the cradle'...

And she's overstepping imo by posting pictures of your DD on FB without asking you if you're happy with this.

@nimbuscloud

But it’s not harming anyone, is it?

What about the child? What about her right not to be used like this?

But even actual parents use their own kids for likes and love hearts all the time on FB.

I'm another one who agrees with @Sparrowtree

It's a bit weird but that's Facebook for you and I think your friend is a shit stirrer.

I think this is more about being the perfect partner for your ex than how she feels about your daughter

Its over the top (but then I don’t allow da on fb so that would piss me off)

This would freak me out, but I actually think it's sweet in an innocent way. My dsis is so proud of my children Can't wait until she produces some that I can be so proud of.

Inappropriate. I think she should ask permission before putting photos of your child on FB. She sounds a bit needy.