To feel weird about how my exes partner is referring to our daughter

[meetmeinarizona]

My daughters dad has been with his partner for 3 years, they don't live together and my daughter maybe sees her at a max 4 times a month.

The partner is nice enough and is nice to my daughter and my daughter likes her so that's the main thing.

My best friend used to work with her and so has her on Facebook, she sent me a screenshot earlier and it was a picture of her and my daughter and the caption 'my girl, my everything' and then a few comments on the pic one being 'she's gorgeous Sarah' (fake name) and she responded 'thank you, so proud'.

I just think that's very strange, 1. What is she proud of? 2. You see my daughter once a week, how can she be your 'everything'?

Welcome to be told I'm over sensitive but I'm very close to saying something so need perspective first.

[Bimblybomeyelash]

Some people just gush more than others. I wouldn’t post that sort of stuff about my own children, let alone my step children, but some people are more hearts n flowers n rainbows and love/live/laugh signs. I think
Your reading too much into the word ‘proud’ though. She’s proud of your daughter, not proud of herself. I’ve said to plenty of my
pupils that I am proud of them, and meant that I am impressed with their achievements, not that I was responsible for them.

[lighteincastlewindow]

very weird, a bit of a Molly Martens Corbett vibe.

[Cuppachino]

I find this weird. Could she be trying to score brownie points with your ex to show him how "down with this situation" she is, when she really isn't?
She sounds like she's either trying to convince herself or convince other people

I agree with this. She's desperate to show how 'cool' she is with the situation. Or there's trouble in paradise and she's desperately trying to convince herself they're a 'happy family'.

[Cuppachino]

I think you are being precious. People can be proud for all sorts of reasons

I've got SC and I would never say I'm proud of them. That's for their 2 parents to say/feel. I have said to my DH at times when they've achieved something "Oh fantastic, you must be so proud of them" or I've said to them "Well done, you should be so proud of yourself" but I don't feel I have any right to say I'M proud of them.

[Cam2020]

She's just using your daughter to get FB likes and attention! Sounds shallow and insincere to me.

[Orphlids]

Why shouldn’t she feel proud? By saying she’s proud, she’s not claiming credit for your daughter; she just feels proud to have that association with her. I feel inexplicably proud of my own kids. They’ve done nothing exceptional, but I feel so proud of them I want to shout about them from the rooftops (although I don’t).

I do understand you feeling uncomfortable about her declarations of love though. I’m sure I’d feel similarly, if I’m honest, if I were in your situation. But if you decide to say anything, I think you should tread very carefully. A step-parent’s relationship with a child is an extremely complex one. It sounds as though she and your daughter have a positive relationship. Interference from you will most likely result in a negative impact on their relationship. Is it worth damaging their relationship, so you have the satisfaction of controlling her rather gushing declarations? I think I’d rather my child was loved, even if is rather OTT, and have my nose put out of joint, than have my child held at arm’s reach by a step-mother.

[RavingAnnie]

Personally I wouldn't say anything even though it's super weird.

My experience with co-parenting is you really need to pick your battles.

As you have said the most important thing is that they get on and she's nice/kind to your daughter. I would try to not worry about too much else.

My son's dad's partner did the worse thing and was lovely to him and they had a great relationship. Then as soon as her and ex moved in together she started being horrible to him (and me but that's less of a concern). It was awful.

If l could have swapped that fir inappropriate, over-gushy FB posts o would have done it on a heartbeat.

[sessell]

It's totally inappropriate. Also children should not be plastered on social media without their parents consent. I mean schools or clubs don't use children's photos without consent for good reason. I'd say this to ex and ask for it not to happen again. As a side note I find it odd that so many people here are calling the live out gf of your ex her stepmother! No she's your DDs dad's gf, that is all.

[Cuppachino]

Why shouldn’t she feel proud? By saying she’s proud, she’s not claiming credit for your daughter; she just feels proud to have that association with her. I feel inexplicably proud of my own kids

Yes but you don't feel inexplicably proud of other peoples children though do you?

[FreshFancyFrogglette]

If you don't allow pics of your dd on FB then you have to say something about that. But i don't think that there is anything wrong with the sentiment. Id be delighted if exp had a gf who thought so much of my DC. As long as the relationship has been fairly steady, and long term. Not worth getting territorial about, you will always be her mum, its nice that other adults want to love and protect her when you're not there.

[Orphlids]

@Cuppachino perhaps you don’t, but some people do. Don’t you feel proud of your friends, or other family members? I generally feel loathing for other people’s children, but I’m perfectly able to understand that other people feel totally differently. This woman and the child have obviously got some sort of connection. She feels proud of this kid. That’s nice for the kid, and nice for her. Not so nice for mum, who understandably feels uncomfortable.

[SandyY2K]

Being proud is not a problem. Telling her friends verbally is not a problem. Putting it on social media and inferring she's her DD isn't so great.

[kittycorner]

I know two women who do this. One literally within a month of meeting her boyfriends 10 year old daughter. The other isn't very nice to her step daughter and yet social media posts constantly saying how she's her world and she'd never be without her.

Maybe as a way of showing their place in the family, demonstrating they need to stay/insecurity etc? I agree it's odd and probably doesn't do much for relationship with their partners ex/mother of dc.

[DeeCeeCherry]

I love DP's son. We get on so well. My friends and family know. I don't feel any urge to announce on social media. Don't need likes for validation. It just is. & He's not my world, why would he be?

Women know this thing of parading children who aren't yours on social media is off-key. I don't get the pretence as to why it isn't. There's no need for it.

[Crikeycroc]

I know someone who started posting gushing posts about her new boyfriends daughter shortly after they got together. She has been struggling with infertility for rainy years

[1forAll74]

No not. good at all to say these things, and also not good to put up a photo of your daughter without permission.

[PeggyHill]

How old is she?

I'm sorry if I sound judgmental here but it sounds to me like she's very young and inexperienced, and maybe doesn't know exactly what is appropriate in this situation? Perhaps she thinks she is supposed to say these things to be loving and accepting. Or maybe she wants to feel like her relationship with your ex is more serious than it is, and sees acting like his child's mother as a way of doing that.

[COS2102]

To those saying she did it without permission.. .how do you know she didn't have dad's permission? If school were putting a photo on social media then they'd only need permission from one parent, not both? When my SS was on TV they only needed permission from Dad, they didn't need to gain mum's permission too

[londonscalling]

I'd be careful here. Don't cause an issue between her and your daughter.

Why can't she be proud of your daughter? Isn't that at a good thing?

Don't we want our ex's new partners to love our kids and treat them well?

[TacCat49]

I wouldn't be happy that my
child is pictured on social media either.

[Lachimolala]

Step mum here! 👋 maybe she's just proud to be a part of your little girls world. Proud of who she is! You can be proud of a child without necessarily claiming credit for something. If you've got a good relationship and things are going well you're onto a good thing! I'd leave it

She’s not a step mum though is she? She’s just dad’s girlfriend, they don’t even live together. She’s using someone else’s child for Facebook clout and massively overstepping reasonable boundaries whilst doing so.

I was a step mum for 6 years and wouldn’t dream of writing something so bizarre and ‘owning’ on Facebook. In fact I didn’t put anything on Facebook of my SD at all, neither of her parents had Facebook so it didn’t feel right. Also she wasn’t my child so it really wasn’t my decision to make.

Dads GF needs to step back and be a little more respectful of the child’s actual parents here.

[Ylvamoon]

Social Media 🤮

[pollylocketpickedapocket]

@Sparrowtree

She likes your daughter. She cares for her. Your daughter likes her. I'd do nothing to jeopardise this by getting territorial over a Facebook post that she didn't mean for you to see. It would make me feel uncomfortable too but I'd leave it.

I wouldn’t leave shit that made me uncomfortable where my daughter was concerned.

[joystir59]

@Sparrowtree listen to what she said.

[pollylocketpickedapocket]

@Dutchesss

I don't know how I'd feel about that. But, seeing someone just once a week can lead to a close bond. Grandparents often see grandchildren less than that and have a very close bond.

Not really the same thing is it?