To feel weird about how my exes partner is referring to our daughter

[meetmeinarizona]

My daughters dad has been with his partner for 3 years, they don't live together and my daughter maybe sees her at a max 4 times a month.

The partner is nice enough and is nice to my daughter and my daughter likes her so that's the main thing.

My best friend used to work with her and so has her on Facebook, she sent me a screenshot earlier and it was a picture of her and my daughter and the caption 'my girl, my everything' and then a few comments on the pic one being 'she's gorgeous Sarah' (fake name) and she responded 'thank you, so proud'.

I just think that's very strange, 1. What is she proud of? 2. You see my daughter once a week, how can she be your 'everything'?

Welcome to be told I'm over sensitive but I'm very close to saying something so need perspective first.

[babbaloushka]

Seems like typical SM bragging, totally inappropriate when it's your child.

[YouokHun]

Well if she is fond of your daughter that is very good news. I think I would say say that it’s good they get on when you speak to your ex but (and it depends on your attitude to photos of children on FB) I would say that I don’t want my DD’s image shared on FB without consent.

I once attended a very scary lecture from a retired CEOP officer about the amount of information we give away about children through innocent posts on social media. It stayed with me, put it like that ...

[Littlepaws18]

As a step mum and a mom myself I can completely empathise with you here! It's way over the mark to be making comments like that about her step child. I love my step children dearly and I make posts showing how proud I am of them or exciting times as a family, but I would never associate them with being mine. It's a privilege having them in my life but I'm not their mother, I'm their loco parentis when she's not there.

[WaltzingBetty]

It's Facebook grandstanding.

Just her way of showing how amazing and caring she is and soliciting positive feedback

Nothing on social media is 'real'
I wouldn't dignify it with a response. Surely you know your child well enough to know who is really important in her life.

[TooManyMiles]

She’s using her as a prop for her Facebook image/brand. It probably isn’t particularly sincere or she wouldn’t use her that way.

It probably isn’t harming your daughter though there is something ‘off’ about it in my opinion.

[SciFiScream]

I don't put pictures of my children on social media without their permission.

I would not be happy for someone else to do that, never mind the comment.

[Livelovebehappy]

Weird and very very inappropriate. Don’t confront her yourself, but if your relationship is okay with your ex, tell him you feel uncomfortable and ask him to have a word with her.

[FireflyRainbow]

Been step mum to my step daughter for 6 years and even I think that's weird. I I wouldn't do that.

[silverbubbles]

I think it might be better to try and see the positives here. Your daughter is lucky they get along so well, so are you.

OK, her turn of phrase is odd but if that is all it is then just exhale and let her get on with it. She hasn't got her own child so maybe she is making the most of it. Try not to let it annoy you.

Why bother stirring up bad feelings between you all for no good reason? Unless she is upsetting your daughter or displaying other worrying traits then let it go.

She probably just wants to post something to be like her friends with kids who do the same...

[majesticallyawkward]

It's weird and overstepping. Do you have the kind of relationship where you could talk to your ex about boundaries?

Posting a photo of someone else's child is always a bit iffy if you're not close and the parents can't see it. As a gf of your dcs father she should be speaking to him first and ideally you and him would have an agreement about what both of you are comfortable with.

[FireflyRainbow]

She's just using her to look good on fb.

[Beseigedbykillersquirrels]

I don't agree that you should ignore it. You don't know who can see her SM posts and I wouldn't want photos of my daughter put online to be seen by people I don't know. Yes, I know that all photos, once uploaded, aren't our own any more, but how many of the PPs telling OP to just ignore it and be pleased that her daughter's dad's girlfriend likes her daughter would be happy for people they don't really know to share photos of their kids on Facebook?

[woollysheeps]

So very Facebook
People thrive off shallow posts and pics in a world of fake living
Ignore it as long as they get along, do not listen or delve into gossip or her Facebook it will always be a little off to you.

I would ask that posts with photos of your daughter are not able to be viewed be everyone only between the gf and dad. Not with every person but that defeats her purpose I guess.

[GabsAlot]

yeah she can be nice and say having fun etc but proud?

[hannayeah]

@SciFiScream

I don't put pictures of my children on social media without their permission.

I would not be happy for someone else to do that, never mind the comment.

I agree with this. I said I wouldn’t say anything but wasn’t thinking about the safety aspect.

[MarkRuffaloCrumble]

I know someone who often posts “my boys, my world” on photos of her DH and DSSs - it’s quite sweet I suppose but I do wonder what their mum thinks.

[thenewduchessofhastings]

Ooooo we have a social media chameleon on our hands here.

It is abit OTT with the way she's referring to your DD on FB however believe me people on her FB will be thinking the same thing.

[COS2102]

Comment from a step-mum here....
If I post a photo of my DH and his son on my social media then I think I've posted a comment which has included something about them being my boys over the years but I haven't done it on a photo of my step-son alone....photos of him alone get something like 'this boy' followed by a reason why we're proud of him etc (my husband doesn't use his social media much and likes for me to share things for our families to see because I enjoy sharing stuff with them). They come as a package to me, I guess, and they're my package. I don't do it 'for the likes' because most of my Facebook is filled with our family and I don't have hoards of friends....its just the way I refer to them and my stepson says he's his Dad's baby and he's my 'kid'. Something he decided of his own accord and its always stuck....I guess what I'm trying to say is everyone feels in different ways and everyone's situation is different. I do feel for you OP that you feel the comment was unnecessary and that you didn't like it and I do think that the best way to go about things, if you wanted to bring it up, is to say to your ex that you were shown a screenshot of the post and as much as you are happy with how much they get on, the wording made you feel uncomfortable. All it takes is for her to become aware and hopefully change her wording in future

[TooManyMiles]

In spite of it being galling, having read through more of the tread, on balance, I think probably those posters are wise who say your daughter has a good relationship with her, that’s what matters most - let it go, don’t cause upset.

[SmallPrawnEnergy]

I have a friend like this, had practically turned her boyfriends daughter into her little mini me. It’s weird but at least she likes the girl and treats her nicely I suppose. I wouldn’t say anything but I don’t blame you for feeling weirded out. If you’re bothered about her putting photos on social media in general if it’s something you don’t do then I may say something about that.

[CoffeeRunner]

I’m inclined to think she meant well by it.

She has no DCs of her own, so your DD, her DSD is her only child.

I think it’s nice that she loves her & is proud of her. Surely that’s far preferable to a SM who is constantly trying to put your DD down & make her feel second best?

Step mums really can do nothing right can they?

[Mrsmadevans]

Perhaps she is just a really nice person who loves your Dd . Can she have children , if not, then perhaps that is why , as long as she is kind to your Dd . If you want to hurt her then carry on . Your 'friend' ...... tbh she doesn't strike me as being your friend more like a trouble maker, is there some back story to her working with her l wonder?

[nimbuscloud]

Again, what about the rights of the child??

[gettingfedupagain]

My Ex husband and his new wife have always sent birthday and Christmas cards to the DC that say eg
"To our wonderful daughter" sometimes printed on the front, sometimes written inside, sometimes both.

New wife has refused to see the DC at all for 18months, they haven't had them overnight for two years, he pops over (40 min drive) to see them for one hour max three times a year