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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be put off dating a man who doesn’t drive

759 replies

TrunkintheJunk · 03/03/2021 18:46

Recently started online dating. Been talking to someone who seems really nice. We’re arranging to go for a walk somewhere next week.
Thing is, he doesn’t drive. He’s 39 but just ‘never got around to learning’.
Am I a dick for being put off by this??

OP posts:
LST · 03/03/2021 18:47

I don't drive either so it wouldn't put me off at all

Whatapalavaa · 03/03/2021 18:49

I would be put off too

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 03/03/2021 18:49

Yes.

Lockheart · 03/03/2021 18:49

YANBU if you do drive.

YABU if you don't drive.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 03/03/2021 18:49

Wouldn’t put me off. Not everyone should drive, less cars is better for the environment and as long as he had a good work ethic and it didn’t impact on that it wouldn’t bother me.

TeaAndBrie · 03/03/2021 18:50

Nope, when I did online dating it was definitely off-putting to me to. No one wants to be the one that always has to drive everywhere, pay for petrol for every trip out etc.
I also was put off if people said they they weren’t working.
You learn a lot about yourself when you do online dating and what is important to you.

WonkyCactus · 03/03/2021 18:50

As a non-driver, I think you are BU.

incandescentglow · 03/03/2021 18:50

I feel the same but I couldn't tell you why

I think it may be subconciously be because I do drive, barely anyone I know does, and it always comes down to me to drive, it's just like signing up for something where you know you will always have to if you know what I mean

weird isn't it

peak2021 · 03/03/2021 18:50

He could be hiding a medical reason. He won't be someone who has a car to try to make up for a small personality or a small penis, as some men do.

I don't think you should be put off.

Tobebythesea · 03/03/2021 18:50

It depends. Do you live in a city? Then, no.

If not living in a city, yes. I personally would find it off putting.

SimonJT · 03/03/2021 18:50

Wouldn’t bother me in the slightest, my partner can’t drive and never will, a bonus is that I will never ever have to let him behind the wheel of my much beloved car.

rawalpindithelabrador · 03/03/2021 18:51

@TrunkintheJunk

Recently started online dating. Been talking to someone who seems really nice. We’re arranging to go for a walk somewhere next week. Thing is, he doesn’t drive. He’s 39 but just ‘never got around to learning’. Am I a dick for being put off by this??
Who cares? You're allowed to be put off by whatever you like. You don't owe anyone a date.

It would put me off. I'd cancel the walk and move on.

randomsabreuse · 03/03/2021 18:51

Depends on your location and lifestyle. If you live in London and like city breaks (and 'normal' ski/beach holidays) it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. If you like road trips, walking in less obvious places and live somewhere with crap public transport and no walkable pubs/restaurant it would get old having a life partner who can't share the driving!

Hawkins001 · 03/03/2021 18:51

Which matters more, a good personality, shared interests ect or a person that can drive ?

SchrodingersImmigrant · 03/03/2021 18:52

@Lockheart

YANBU if you do drive.

YABU if you don't drive.

This
flakymate · 03/03/2021 18:52

I would be put off, yes.

Even if I didn’t know how to drive (I do), I would be put off. I’m 23 and live in London so would have a reasonable reason to not drive. He doesn’t, as someone turning 40.

Sparklingbrook · 03/03/2021 18:52

It would put me off too, but I know that it won't be a popular opinion on here.
I drive and don't know anyone who doesn't if that makes a difference.

RosieGuacamosie · 03/03/2021 18:52

Wouldn’t be for me. I’d find it a massive turn off to have to drive every time we went somewhere and chauffeur him about like his mum!

speakout · 03/03/2021 18:52

Would put me off yes- totally.

PeggyMoo · 03/03/2021 18:52

If in London I wouldn’t be put off. My DP only learned to drive after moving out of London and getting a car at 35.

flakymate · 03/03/2021 18:53

@Hawkins001

Which matters more, a good personality, shared interests ect or a person that can drive ?
Knowing how to drive is a sign of having shared interests - same mindset, same life goals etc
EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 03/03/2021 18:53

Depends where you live? In a city, not a problem, but rurally more of an issue.
I do have a car in central London, a real luxury waste of money and not used often.

RosieGuacamosie · 03/03/2021 18:53

@Hawkins001

Which matters more, a good personality, shared interests ect or a person that can drive ?
These things aren’t mutually exclusive Confused
Elieza · 03/03/2021 18:54

Depends how much you drive yourself (excluding work related things).

If you say go to a lot of events or venues that involve driving to get there and would appreciate someone else taking a turn sometimes you won’t get that from him.

If you barely use your car in your social life etc then it shouldn’t be an issue.

Dozer · 03/03/2021 18:54

Would depend where I lived: in London not driving is fine, anywhere with bad public transport and/or in the sticks it’d be annoying!