Page 30 | To be put off dating a man who doesn’t drive

TrunkintheJunk · 2021-03-03T18:46:55+00:00

Recently started online dating. Been talking to someone who seems really nice. We’re arranging to go for a walk somewhere next week. Thing is, he doesn’t drive. He’s 39 but just ‘never got around to learning’. Am I a dick for being put off by this??

Megan2018 · 10/03/2021 10:33

@StillCoughingandLaughing

You really do have a chip on your shoulder don’t you! I don’t give a flying fig about you. The thread isn’t about you. The world doesn’t revolve around you.

The OP asked if they were reasonable to reject a date from someone that doesn’t drive. I think it’s perfectly reasonable. End of. Jeez

If you could drive and get out more I think you’d be much happier

Okbussitout · 10/03/2021 10:37

[quote Megan2018]@Waxonwaxoff0 I live rurally with no public transport and taxis have to be booked weeks ahead (there’s only literally 1 taxi and they do airport runs etc only). A non driver would be completely dependent on me for transport. I’d never live in a town or city so a non driver is incompatible with me and my life.

I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who hasn’t got the wherewithal to drive.[/quote]
Perhaps a non driver wouldn't be up for being in a relationship with someone who lives rurally? Why assume others have not boundaries or preferences?

Okbussitout · 10/03/2021 10:38

[quote Megan2018]@StillCoughingandLaughing

You really do have a chip on your shoulder don’t you! I don’t give a flying fig about you. The thread isn’t about you. The world doesn’t revolve around you.

The OP asked if they were reasonable to reject a date from someone that doesn’t drive. I think it’s perfectly reasonable. End of. Jeez

If you could drive and get out more I think you’d be much happier[/quote]
Why are you being a bully?

donewithitalltodayandxmas · 10/03/2021 10:43

@Megan2018 learning to drive is a choice
For you its important for others its not
Do you realise some people can't even afford to learn to drive ,
Like all on here saying at 17 we paid for my dc to drive etc , well lucky you not everyone can afford it
If dating a non driver puts you off then don't do it and of online dating maybe mention in your profile that non drivers are not on your list
My dad has never learnt to drive as they had me young and couldn't afford it , we were in london though so not so much issue.
When I was a little older and they had some money my mum learned as you wanted to as job meant later night oublic transport and they could only afford for one to drive.
Later on they could afford it but by then my dad just lost confidence in learning and he walked or took public transport everywhere.
Even now they have moved out of a city he still walks , if they go out for a meal or drink they get a taxi.
My ds is 17 we are financially due to lost of job struggling to pay for lessons for him, its not cheap .

StellaKowalski · 10/03/2021 11:17

[quote Megan2018]@StillCoughingandLaughing

You really do have a chip on your shoulder don’t you! I don’t give a flying fig about you. The thread isn’t about you. The world doesn’t revolve around you.

The OP asked if they were reasonable to reject a date from someone that doesn’t drive. I think it’s perfectly reasonable. End of. Jeez

If you could drive and get out more I think you’d be much happier[/quote]
Shut up, you absolute knob.

TedMullins · 10/03/2021 11:20

As PP have said, what about people who simply can’t afford lessons, and whose parents couldn’t afford them when they were 17? They’re hardly cheap are they

StellaKowalski · 10/03/2021 11:23

@TedMullins

As PP have said, what about people who simply can’t afford lessons, and whose parents couldn’t afford them when they were 17? They’re hardly cheap are they

Yep, that's me (only mid-twenties now). The only reason DP, or as this thread likens him, my chauffeur drives is because driving lessons were served to him on a silver platter by his well-off parents, a luxury that I didn't have because my mum was a low-income, single parent.

Not sure how this makes me lazy and useless, but hey - there you go.

RoseLimeade · 10/03/2021 11:23

@TedMullins

As PP have said, what about people who simply can’t afford lessons, and whose parents couldn’t afford them when they were 17? They’re hardly cheap are they

Personally when I was most recently dating (back when I met my husband) if someone was unable to afford driving lessons I would have considered them unsuitable for the kind of relationship I was looking for at that point (one that could lead to marriage and children). Doesn’t mean I think he’s a bad guy. Just that at 28 I wouldn’t be willing to get into an exclusive relationship with him.

kittycorner · 10/03/2021 12:13

I wouldn’t not go on a date with someone and other things are far more important. But I do get your hesitation.

I had too many friends who expect you to be their individual taxi services that it’s put me off. And don’t seem to get how wearing and expensive ‘only’ a 15-20 min drive out of your way is.

Having said that he’s only 39. Not too late to learn!

Waxonwaxoff0 · 10/03/2021 14:41

@silverbubbles

It would put me off as it speaks volumes. What has he been doing his entire life - just walking round the block and living locally?

Yes, those of us who can't drive never go anywhere further than our own street.

HermioneKipper · 10/03/2021 14:45

Yes it would hugely put me off. Sorry to generalise but all the people I know who can’t drive are cheeky beggars who always expect you to go to them/pick them up, ask for lifts to and from work and never take turns taking relatives to appointments etc. It’s just such a useful life skill. A few friends’ husbands don’t drive so never share drop offs/pick ups and can never take the kids to clubs /parties. Drives their wives mad

StillCoughingandLaughing · 10/03/2021 15:22

[quote Megan2018]@StillCoughingandLaughing

You really do have a chip on your shoulder don’t you! I don’t give a flying fig about you. The thread isn’t about you. The world doesn’t revolve around you.

The OP asked if they were reasonable to reject a date from someone that doesn’t drive. I think it’s perfectly reasonable. End of. Jeez

If you could drive and get out more I think you’d be much happier[/quote]
I think you’re the one with the chip on your shoulder. Why are you singling me out, on a thread of over 30 pages and 700 posts? If it was really ‘YANBU - end of’, it wouldn’t even have reached the second page.

You asked how people who don’t drive known whether they’re good or bad at it. You didn’t specify ‘this question is directed at the OP’s potential boyfriend, and him only - even though he isn’t here to answer’. As someone who doesn’t drive and DOES know she’s bad at it, I answered.

XingMing · 10/03/2021 15:42

If you live in a city centre and can walk everywhere, or get a cab in the rain, it's fine. If you live in the suburbs, it's more nuanced. If rural, it's an absolute no way. Unless, as a PP said, there's a medical condition like epilepsy or serious vision problems.

rosetylersbiggun · 10/03/2021 16:20

Date or don't date whomever you want for whatever reasons you want, as long as you don't judge them.

I personally wouldn't consider dating anyone who doesn't live in central-ish London. I don't judge anyone who lives rurally or in other parts of the UK (I have friends who live rurally), it just wouldn't work for my lifestyle.

Lampzade · 10/03/2021 16:27

I would be put off if a healthy man was unwilling to learn , because as much as I love driving , I would hate to be the individual who would have to do all the school runs, after school activities etc

fellrunner85 · 10/03/2021 16:31

I didn't learn to drive until I was 27, and you would not believe how hard it was to get myself to races (I run competitively)

This feels so familiar! The assumption by some on this thread that drivers are somehow lazier than non-drivers is just bollocks. I commute by bike every day to work and am a keen runner (as my username gives away ) but a car is essential because I'm a sporty person - not sort of in spite of it.

It would be impossible to get to fell races without a car; and lots of road races too. I remember a marathon in York one year, while I didn't have a car, where there were literally no trains on a Sunday morning to get me there in time...and that's a major city event. Getting to little Lakes or Peaks villages without a car, for fell runs, just isn't possible.

Not every car owner is behind the wheel every day getting lazy and fat; just as not every non-driver is sporty and a cycling nut..

Maverickess · 10/03/2021 17:15

[quote Megan2018]@StillCoughingandLaughing

You really do have a chip on your shoulder don’t you! I don’t give a flying fig about you. The thread isn’t about you. The world doesn’t revolve around you.

The OP asked if they were reasonable to reject a date from someone that doesn’t drive. I think it’s perfectly reasonable. End of. Jeez

If you could drive and get out more I think you’d be much happier[/quote]
You're kind of coming across as the one with a chip on your shoulder tbh.
Your question came across as a general one on an open internet forum, to anyone who happens to read it, someone answered you, you didn't like the answer apparently.
That doesn't mean the poster who answered you is the one with a problem.
Her answer is pretty much the same as mine, several failed tests and thousands in lessons is not 'never bothered to try'.

The OP is reasonable to not date anyone she doesn't want to, as anyone is. But the thread has gone in a direction that is stereotyping and belittling (just like your last statement in the quoted post for example) any person who doesn't drive.
People like myself and others who have, are perfectly allowed to counter that when our own lived experiences don't conform to that. Just in the same way you and others are allowed to relate your experiences and opinions.
The fact we're non drivers doesn't remove that, as much as many people on this thread apparently think it does.......

ChristmasAlone · 10/03/2021 20:05

Call materialistic but the people saying what if X could never afford it, they are 39 of they have never been able to afford £20 a week for 22 years I would be extremely worried what else they couldn't afford. I guess no holidays or never getting a mortgage would be on the cards as well. Yes I understand that it could be a lot if you was looking to do it extremely quickly.

RedcurrantPuff · 10/03/2021 20:48

Do households with no car never go for days out then?

I presume they do, but that’s got nothing to do with me and my preference to not be the only driver in a relationship, @DdraigGoch. I said it would do my head in. It’s not compulsory for other people to feel the same.

RedcurrantPuff · 10/03/2021 20:51

@phoenixrosehere

Even if people don’t ask partners for lifts etc most couples or families will go out together, it would do my head in having to be the only driver whenever we went for a day out/holiday etc.

You do know you don’t need a car every time for a day out depending on where you live. Even going on holidays many families don’t rent cars especially when you have to consider car seats.

Yes. I do know thanks. It’s still entirely my personal preference not to be in a relationship with a non driver.

Wrenna · 10/03/2021 21:03

Yanbu at all. I dated a guy who drove but insisted I drive everywhere because he drove to appointments all day and was sick of driving. It was a major drag! Luckily I’ve been married for 20+ years to a guy who likes to drive, as I do not like it.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 10/03/2021 21:24

@ChristmasAlone

Call materialistic but the people saying what if X could never afford it, they are 39 of they have never been able to afford £20 a week for 22 years I would be extremely worried what else they couldn't afford. I guess no holidays or never getting a mortgage would be on the cards as well. Yes I understand that it could be a lot if you was looking to do it extremely quickly.

Or maybe they couldn’t afford it because they were spending the money on nice holidays and a mortgage instead?

StillCoughingandLaughing · 10/03/2021 21:27

Do households with no car never go for days out then?

I went on a six-week tour of Europe - 12 cities, nine countries - without one. Not a bad ‘day out’.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 10/03/2021 21:33

@Wrenna

Yanbu at all. I dated a guy who drove but insisted I drive everywhere because he drove to appointments all day and was sick of driving. It was a major drag! Luckily I’ve been married for 20+ years to a guy who likes to drive, as I do not like it.

So let me get this straight - it was a ‘major drag’ being the main driver, but now you’re putting someone else in that exact same position because you don’t like driving?

DdraigGoch · 10/03/2021 21:56

@Wrenna

Yanbu at all. I dated a guy who drove but insisted I drive everywhere because he drove to appointments all day and was sick of driving. It was a major drag! Luckily I’ve been married for 20+ years to a guy who likes to drive, as I do not like it.

Just a minute, are you trying to say that even suitably qualified and insured drivers can be CFs too? Good grief!