Page 31 | To be put off dating a man who doesn’t drive

TrunkintheJunk · 2021-03-03T18:46:55+00:00

Recently started online dating. Been talking to someone who seems really nice. We’re arranging to go for a walk somewhere next week. Thing is, he doesn’t drive. He’s 39 but just ‘never got around to learning’. Am I a dick for being put off by this??

RoseLimeade · 11/03/2021 07:38

In my experience 90% of non drivers are cheeky fuckers. Not all. My best friend doesn’t drive but always offers to get an uber if it’s too far to cycle. She doesn’t expect to be driven around and I have absolutely no issues picking her up and dropping her off when we meet somewhere she can’t get to, I’m very happy to.

On the flip side a new coworker started at my work and on her first day she asked how to get to the station so I offered to take her as it wasn’t too far in car, before getting out she tried to get me to agree on a meeting place at the end of each day so I could drop her off every day!! I was gobsmacked lol. That’s CF to a new level.

CounsellorTroi · 11/03/2021 07:45

On the flip side a new coworker started at my work and on her first day she asked how to get to the station so I offered to take her as it wasn’t too far in car, before getting out she tried to get me to agree on a meeting place at the end of each day so I could drop her off every day!! I was gobsmacked lol. That’s CF to a new level.

So she must have got a lift to work as well, if she had no idea how to get to the station! Unless she was just trying it on.

fellrunner85 · 11/03/2021 11:01

As PP have said, what about people who simply can’t afford lessons, and whose parents couldn’t afford them when they were 17?

Erm... you get a job and pay for them yourself?!
I was brought up by a single mum on benefits- who didn't drive! - and was determined for my life not to be as limited as hers was, and sadly still is.

So when I was 16 I got a job in Tesco and had saved up enough by the time I was 17 to be able to afford driving lessons. Of course I couldn't afford a car at that point, but the minute I got my first full time job I could buy an ancient four-gear Peugeot, and I was able to drive it. That also meant making sacrifices and not spending as much on clothes or going out or whatever, but I'm glad I was savvy enough even back then to realise that driving is important.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 11/03/2021 14:28

@fellrunner85

As PP have said, what about people who simply can’t afford lessons, and whose parents couldn’t afford them when they were 17?

Erm... you get a job and pay for them yourself?!
I was brought up by a single mum on benefits- who didn't drive! - and was determined for my life not to be as limited as hers was, and sadly still is.

So when I was 16 I got a job in Tesco and had saved up enough by the time I was 17 to be able to afford driving lessons. Of course I couldn't afford a car at that point, but the minute I got my first full time job I could buy an ancient four-gear Peugeot, and I was able to drive it. That also meant making sacrifices and not spending as much on clothes or going out or whatever, but I'm glad I was savvy enough even back then to realise that driving is important.

That's fine if you can still live at home. I was living on my own at 17 with bills to pay and a minimum wage job.

Welikebeingcosy · 11/03/2021 14:48

Maybe just ask him if he would be willing to learn to drive. That would tell you what you need to know. I don't drive because I never needed to until recently having a baby, but if I had the time and money to learn I would now and I've always been really independent with public transport or having funds for taxis.

Basically not driving doesn't tell you what a person is really like- because I'm someone who is very caring and motivated hard working independent and adventurous who has just never made the time for it as it was never a huge deal to me to take public transport and I wanted to learn other skills first. I've also met guys in really high powered jobs who couldn't drive either and didn't feel it necessary. I think it only becomes important if you live somewhere remote and /or have children with the person.

fellrunner85 · 11/03/2021 18:53

That's fine if you can still live at home. I was living on my own at 17 with bills to pay and a minimum wage job.

Which is a really good point - and I'm genuinely sorry I didn't acknowledge in my post that I was privileged to still be able to live at home rent free and with bills paid at that age.

It was more a response to those posters who presumed all 17 year olds who learned to drive had it paid for by parents.

XingMing · 11/03/2021 20:45

I didn't bother to learn to drive while I lived in NYC. No one owned a car there, but back in the Uk in London's suburbs, with rubbish late transport services, it was a priority.

Ohforarainyday · 12/03/2021 17:42

Erm... you get a job and pay for them yourself?!

Where are these magical, flexible, disabled accessible jobs that can be fitted around school and exams, desperate to hire unqualified kids?

I mean yeah plenty of teens do have part-time jobs but it's not an option for everyone, and plenty of young people have more important things to spend their money on than driving lessons.

Inkpaperstars · 12/03/2021 18:32

On the one hand YANBU. I don’t drive although I hope to retake test again and it’s pain in the arse for me and DP. And the fact that I don’t does reflect on ongoing problems I have had. Also if you just aren’t feeling it for whatever reason then no need to pursue it.

On the other hand i don’t think it should be a dealbreaker if someone is otherwise suited to you, and he could always learn. So in general if I was keen to establish a relationship in my life I wouldn’t want to dismiss too many people for something like that without meeting them first. Never mind this time, but in general I think one of the problems in dating is having strict rules about who is worth getting to know, when often once you do know someone those things won’t matter so much.