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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be put off dating a man who doesn’t drive

759 replies

TrunkintheJunk · 03/03/2021 18:46

Recently started online dating. Been talking to someone who seems really nice. We’re arranging to go for a walk somewhere next week.
Thing is, he doesn’t drive. He’s 39 but just ‘never got around to learning’.
Am I a dick for being put off by this??

OP posts:
mummywantstobeslim · 03/03/2021 18:54

Yabu
I can drive, passed my test first time when I was heavily pregnancy. But I hate driving and haven't been in the driving seat in quite a while.
He might be a lovely person so do give him a chance.

ZestyDragon · 03/03/2021 18:55

My bf doesn't drive. He is 50 and was in a motorbike accident years ago. Its a pain to be honest. We live 55 miles from each other in NI and public transport is poor here. If I were to be single again I would only date a non driver if they lived nearby. At the moment I do all the running around and collecting etc especially as he doesn't want to use public transport due to covid.

Twinkie01 · 03/03/2021 18:56

Yes it would put me off.

lanbro · 03/03/2021 18:57

Would absolutely put me off, I've been driving since 3 months after my 17th birthday and always had a car. I love driving, happy driving on long journeys but I would want a partner who could take their turn

OnlyHerefortheBiscuits · 03/03/2021 18:58

It would put me off.

(Obviously not driving for medical reasons changes that.)

Original poster
TrunkintheJunk · 03/03/2021 18:58

He doesn’t have his own place either. He’s been living with a family member since his last relationship ended
Yes I do drive and the thought of paying petrol, driving everywhere, having to probably pick him up, isn’t really doing it for me. I feel so shallow! Plus, it’s a big turn on for me when a guy is driving(yup, I’m a weirdo!)

OP posts:
agreyersky · 03/03/2021 18:59

Depends if it means you will need to be the one driving to see him.

Where I live now it would put me off as it would limit where we could go and do and I would have drive the whole time.

Where I used to live it wouldn't be an issue at all. Most people I knew never drove as the public transport was excellent.

ViciousJackdaw · 03/03/2021 19:00

Knowing how to drive is a sign of having shared interests - same mindset, same life goals etc

It's not though, is it? For goodness sake, people like Jeremy Clarkson drive cars.

speakout · 03/03/2021 19:00

As functioning adults unless we walk everywhere we need transport.
If you live in a city and can walk everywhere and have good public transport links to work then not so much need for a car youself.
If you are a couple with no kids and live near school/ work, again not so much need, but then food becomes heavy, so you perhaps have to rely on deliveries or shop often/use taxis.
My ex prided himself on not being able to drive-we lived in the city, and he cycled to work.
But as a car owner and driver it really pissed me off.

Trip to a restaurant for an evening meal- me to drive
Sick dog to the vet- me to drive.
Bulky groceries- me to drive.
Lifts for friends- me to drive.
Small items of furniture, Ikea type stuff- me to drive.
Need to get somewhere quickly or an emergency- me to drive.
UK holiday- me to drive.
Nip down for a takeaway- me to drive.

Ex for a good reason.

doitwithlove · 03/03/2021 19:00

A non driver would be a no go for me 100%

Sparklingbrook · 03/03/2021 19:01

@TrunkintheJunk

He doesn’t have his own place either. He’s been living with a family member since his last relationship ended Yes I do drive and the thought of paying petrol, driving everywhere, having to probably pick him up, isn’t really doing it for me. I feel so shallow! Plus, it’s a big turn on for me when a guy is driving(yup, I’m a weirdo!)
That's going to make it hard work, the non driving and the living with family thing.

But you've not met him yet.

RabbityMcRabbit · 03/03/2021 19:01

YANBU. When I was Old I met a few guys who either were unable to drive or could drive but didn't have a car. I was always the one doing all the running and always went to theirs. It's a pain.

Volcanoexplorer · 03/03/2021 19:01

It would put me off, sorry.

OrigamiOwl · 03/03/2021 19:01

I think it depends where you live. If you're in London, or another city with really good transport links then not driving is fine.
If you in a rural area with no public transport then it would be an issue.

Not having his own place would be a concern for me. I'd wonder if he would be keen on moving in faster than I'd like...

SchrodingersImmigrant · 03/03/2021 19:02

@TrunkintheJunk

He doesn’t have his own place either. He’s been living with a family member since his last relationship ended Yes I do drive and the thought of paying petrol, driving everywhere, having to probably pick him up, isn’t really doing it for me. I feel so shallow! Plus, it’s a big turn on for me when a guy is driving(yup, I’m a weirdo!)
Recipe for a lots of grumbling and resentment
DrSbaitso · 03/03/2021 19:02

I'd be put off as well. It may be shallow, and it may be that I was missing out on the love of my life, but I think that's a risk I'd be prepared to take.

Sparklingbrook · 03/03/2021 19:03

How far away does he live from you @TrunkintheJunk?

FOJN · 03/03/2021 19:03

For me it would depend on how far apart you live and what kind of public transport was available.

You don't have to feel guilty for being put off by it but don't rule out the possibility of him learning.

DrSbaitso · 03/03/2021 19:03

@TrunkintheJunk

He doesn’t have his own place either. He’s been living with a family member since his last relationship ended Yes I do drive and the thought of paying petrol, driving everywhere, having to probably pick him up, isn’t really doing it for me. I feel so shallow! Plus, it’s a big turn on for me when a guy is driving(yup, I’m a weirdo!)
Missed this, sorry. Yeah, I wouldn't be keen. Why do you think it's weird to like a guy driving? I like it too.
MessagesKeepGettingClearer · 03/03/2021 19:04

YANBU. I'd be put off.

I think it shows a lack of independence, organisation and responsibility.

SavageBeauty73 · 03/03/2021 19:05

I'm dating someone who can't drive. We live in London and lots of people I know can't drive. I do and he hasn't asked once for a lift. Not a deal breaker for me.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 03/03/2021 19:05

Wouldn't put me off but I can't drive myself so I'd be a hypocrite if it did!

Actually I've only really ever dated non drivers. My ex husband didn't learn to drive until we were married.

MozzchopsThirty · 03/03/2021 19:05

What @MessagesKeepGettingClearer says absolutely spot on

It would, and has put me off in the past
YANBU

MessagesKeepGettingClearer · 03/03/2021 19:05

@TrunkintheJunk

He doesn’t have his own place either. He’s been living with a family member since his last relationship ended Yes I do drive and the thought of paying petrol, driving everywhere, having to probably pick him up, isn’t really doing it for me. I feel so shallow! Plus, it’s a big turn on for me when a guy is driving(yup, I’m a weirdo!)
Man child.
AtticusF1nch · 03/03/2021 19:05

YANBU

The absolute minimum is a man who can drive. I wouldn't date a man who couldn't.