To hope for the worst re pregnancy :(

[woooooohhhhhh]

So sorry if this is sensitive 😭

Be kind. I'm 40, divorcee.

Ok early pregnancy and I'm exhausted 😭I specifically told me partner last night I was exhausted- I had been for an east scab due to a suspected ectopic pregnancy and I have to go back In 10 days. Still no further forward. I suffered a previous pregnancy as ectopic. This morning I woke early to find him grinding against my back- it's was before 7am and he instigated sex which at first I told him I was still tired and then I caved in.

Later I went out and bought some lovely food and drinks and cooked and then 5 mins before everything was due to be ready I said I wanted to go and watch something that started on tv and could he finish off and bring the food through. He kicked off and stormed out. Now he's disappeared ...again.1

I am too old for this bull shit. So although I adore my kids and don't want a termination...I just don't know how I can move forward here.

I love him. I love my children. But I'm fed up of carrying everything for everyone else.

Oh OP, that's horrific that he did that to you when you have an expected ectopic pregnancy. How vile.

It won't get better. You will have a newborn baby, other children and an emotionally abusive stroppy husband. I know this isn't the done thing on here to recommend this - but I would seriously look into a termination. A baby might push you over the edge, and you matter too much to risk your health xx

Speak to your GP/midwife/local marie stopes to understand your choices. It’s easy to dismiss termination but in your shoes, christ why act as though you haven’t got medically safe options to end a pregnancy that you don’t want (thread title) with a partner who is a piece of shit?

Why though when I'm 40 years old and worldly wise did I feel that I should give in to him. And this is every single morning ...no evening sex or intimacy, just when he wakes horny in the morning. He has a way of persuading me of anything.

that sounds tough OP

So sorry, but I agree with James, I wouldn't bring a baby into this as a divorcee in my 40s (or under any circumstances TBF).

You love a man like this? Really?

Please raise your standards.

I went to see someone about a termination but they couldn't see anything and couldn't give me an abortion pill so asked me to go back in ten days because they can't rule it out.

Also, I would be thinking of my current kids and their futures with this man in their lives.

I would leave any man who thought he could do that OP. That’s disgusting.

He's. with very persuasive and yes for some stupid reason I love him I'm sorry 😳😭

@woooooohhhhhh don't blame yourself for his coercion of you. You probably find it easier to give in than have the hassle of a stroppy man sulking all day.

What do you have in the way of family support?

I do appreciate your replies. But I'm actually shocked because I've been conditioned I think...

@woooooohhhhhh

I do appreciate your replies. But I'm actually shocked because I've been conditioned I think...

Most abuse victims don't know they're abuse victims until they have the benefit of hindsight. How old are your DC? Do you have a house with youR OH (sorry just seen you're not married to him)?

He's definitely very very stroppy. I ha e told nobody about the pregnancy. My parents are dead but I have. Lose family members and friends but can't see them right now 😭

I have my own house and am financially stable. He lives with me.

My dcs ate 20, 19, 16

I've been there OP. You give in because ultimately it's the easiest way to get them to shut up and go away. It's awful isn't it. These fucking, fucking men and their 'needs.' Please consider a termination if you aren't 100% up for this. Then consider how you can get out of this relationship.

Oh love this is not the man for you. I’d tell him not to come back tbh and change the locks. I know you say you love him but this isn’t love. As for the pregnancy, decide what you want going forward and have a plan in your head for your next scan.

I'm sorry you've been there. At the moment I genuinely would rather be on my own. But I do lOve many aspects of him.

My next scan is 10th March. I'm so soft and it's not easy to suddenly let him go as I am so attached and especially after my divorce, wing together through covid etc.

He hasn't come back yet and I
Am happily chilling. He will come back, he has nowhere else to go. He flounces off ten comes back at least my ex DH was dependable. And kind.

@woooooohhhhhh

My dcs ate 20, 19, 16

And what would you advise them if they found themselves in this situation?

Bloody hell what are you thinking?! Your children are young adults or nearly, and you’re thinking of going right back to square one and tying yourself to an aggressive, childish, rapey little shit.

I'm gonna be straight with you OP.

Kick him out. ASAP. Get a termination. Enjoy your life.

If you stay with him and have a baby think about what your life will be like at 45. A stroppy bastard made stroppier by the hardships of having a small child, you probably doing EVERYTHING as usual and still being some sort of sex doll to him.

You're in a much more fortunate position than many victims - your kids are older, your house is yours, you aren't married. Take this opportunity to restart and lead a happy life. I know you love him but surely no love is worth living like this?

@woooooohhhhhh

My dcs ate 20, 19, 16

Seeing your children are this old and if you're ok with it, I'd definitely suggest a termination and leave. You're only 40, please don't saddle yourself with this waste of space and tie yourself to him with a baby.

My dd and I have already discussed this. I told her that In her life she must look after herself, support herself and if a man comes into things, see this as an extra and a bonus.

She thinks men don't respect women and they're ridiculous- but she's my youngest she gives me advice out of love ffs