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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 13 14

Original poster

To hope for the worst re pregnancy :(

349 replies

woooooohhhhhh · 28/02/2021 20:57

So sorry if this is sensitive 😭

Be kind. I'm 40, divorcee.

Ok early pregnancy and I'm exhausted 😭I specifically told me partner last night I was exhausted- I had been for an east scab due to a suspected ectopic pregnancy and I have to go back In 10 days. Still no further forward. I suffered a previous pregnancy as ectopic. This morning I woke early to find him grinding against my back- it's was before 7am and he instigated sex which at first I told him I was still tired and then I caved in.

Later I went out and bought some lovely food and drinks and cooked and then 5 mins before everything was due to be ready I said I wanted to go and watch something that started on tv and could he finish off and bring the food through. He kicked off and stormed out. Now he's disappeared ...again.1

I am too old for this bull shit. So although I adore my kids and don't want a termination...I just don't know how I can move forward here.

I love him. I love my children. But I'm fed up of carrying everything for everyone else.

OP posts:

gettingfedupagain · 28/02/2021 23:20

Please get rid of this awful specimen.

If you have this baby, then their childhood will be shaped and influenced by this awful rapey, disgusting man and you will not be able to protect them from that.

I totally know how hard it is to separate from someone you really love despite knowing that their character is lacking. It's really hard. But it can be done. And it's much easier when you don't have to see them face to face regularly for contact

theuncles · 28/02/2021 23:29

@woooooohhhhhh

Why though when I'm 40 years old and worldly wise did I feel that I should give in to him. And this is every single morning ...no evening sex or intimacy, just when he wakes horny in the morning. He has a way of persuading me of anything.

This would make me leave him even without the context! You're not his plaything, to be available whenever he feels like it!

OK - I'm probably the other end of the spectrum (mid 50s). Once a week is fine! But I like my sleep in the mornings and would never want to be 'bothered' with no foreplay, just because DH woke up feeling frisky. Luckily he knows that - and has enough respect not to try.

But you have other issues going on! You have health concerns, several children, and a totally unsupportive partner! It's easy for us to say LTB - but please think about it, or about getting support to be more assertive! .

Chocolate123 · 28/02/2021 23:36

Your kids are all grown up. You have your own house. Why on earth would you have a baby with this vile man. Time to kick him out and live your own life. If this was one of the kids you'd tell them to run.

SushiYum · 01/03/2021 00:17

Imagine if your DD or best friend was in an emotionally abusive toxic relationship and she fell pregnant. What would you say to her? What would you think?

Having this baby would tie you to this abusive man for the rest of your life. Your other DC are adults/almost adults.

Kick him out.

DishingOutDone · 01/03/2021 00:21

How long has he lived with you OP? Have your DC seen how he treats you?

DenisetheMenace · 01/03/2021 00:26

Sorry, he’d be out of the door.

Nith · 01/03/2021 00:33

He stormed off because he was asked to dish up a meal? Does he normally expect you to wait on him hand and foot?

Lalliella · 01/03/2021 00:40

He’s a cock lodger. Get rid.

NoDramaMama14 · 01/03/2021 00:58

Just left my emotionally draining man toddler and despite having 4 children 8 and under on my jack Jones, I am not looking back. Message me OP if you want to talk.

fightingSmiths · 01/03/2021 01:07

I would consider all options re baby.

But please, just pack his bag and dump it outside. You deserve so much better!

feistymumma · 01/03/2021 01:26

Sorry to hear this OP. I got pregnant at 40 as well five years ago and knew I was going to terminate as my ex was similar to yours. Absolutely hopeless and would not help with anything. I am pregnant now with a different partner who is lovely and thinks the world of me. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/03/2021 03:52

He sounds awful. He cannot continue to be part of your life. He is controlling, abusive and manipulates you into sex. That is not consent.

Can you find a therapist to talk this through now. Or speak to an abortion clinic. It doesn’t mean you’ll terminate. But will give you some much needed external help to determine your future.

opalescent · 01/03/2021 07:57

OP, in the kindest way possible- please do the adult thing, and remove this idiot from your home and family. For everyone's sake. Your existing children deserve better, as do you.

I was with someone exactly the same in my late 20s. I thank my lucky stars every day that I found the strength to kick him the fuck out of my life.

The pregnancy is yours to make a choice about- but regardless, he needs to go. Today.

Original poster

woooooohhhhhh · 01/03/2021 08:24

Thank you so much everyone for your advice. He came back but I pretended to be asleep. I do t know what today will bring or if I'll have the strength to change things just yet. I keep getting weird pains everywhere but I think that's stress. I'll spend some time with DD today

OP posts:

Original poster

woooooohhhhhh · 01/03/2021 08:27

Just left my emotionally draining man toddler and despite having 4 children 8 and under on my jack Jones, I am not looking back. Message me OP if you want to talk.

Good for you! I remember having 3 young children and a good husband and that was exhausting but nothing beats how close you will be to your children. And your girlfriends are vital.

OP posts:

Ispini · 01/03/2021 09:23

OP I hope you are OK. Get the feckin twat out. Pack up his stuff the next time he goes out, change the locks and get the bastard out of your life. Seriously get tough, you are worth so much better. 💐

user1471462428 · 01/03/2021 09:34

You should be enjoying your life. You’ve reared your kids and they’re nearly independent. You have security and a home. I think you need to do the freedom programme as I think there is a lot more that you haven’t realised is deeply unhealthy.

Original poster

woooooohhhhhh · 01/03/2021 09:53

I definitely need the freedom programme. Even today I've forgiven him although I'm still annoyed. I have an appointment t a clinic in ten days.

OP posts:

Quartz2208 · 01/03/2021 10:04

How do your children find living with him though OP

Yes you definitely do

TitOfTheIceberg · 01/03/2021 11:37

Putting aside the shit relationship stuff, how early was the early scan? Ectopic pregnancies can be, and routinely are, picked up at 4-6 weeks. Given the risk of a ruptured tube, it seems unusual to tell you to come back in almost a fortnight?

billy1966 · 01/03/2021 11:56

Your poor children.

He is a pig and you are contemplating tying yourself to him for the next 20 years.

He is a sex pest and you want give him rights to your home and spend your inheritance raising his child.

What about your poor 3 children.

How about you put them before this scum you have brought into their home.

Sahm101 · 01/03/2021 12:19

You own your own home, you have grown up kids. You are entirely in control of this situation and the choices you make. Sorry for what you are going through ,but you need to be responsible here.

TotorosFurryBehind · 01/03/2021 12:23

Having a child at this age is difficult even when the child is planned and the partner is loving and supportive. There is no shame in considering a termination.

Sunhoop · 01/03/2021 12:24

Oh for goodness sake OP you're right about one thing - you are too old for this shit and should know at this stage how this will end. Get rid of the creep and have a termination. A medical termination in the early weeks is just like a very heavy period. Obviously there's an emotional aspect to it but physically it's fine and would be the absolute right decision in these circumstances.

Best of luck

Merryoldgoat · 01/03/2021 12:26

My mum had a hideous partner. She died before I got to adulthood but I would have stopped seeing her if she stayed with him when I grew up.

Your children are adults. Be aware that you are essentially choosing him over them.

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