To hope for the worst re pregnancy :(

[woooooohhhhhh]

So sorry if this is sensitive 😭

Be kind. I'm 40, divorcee.

Ok early pregnancy and I'm exhausted 😭I specifically told me partner last night I was exhausted- I had been for an east scab due to a suspected ectopic pregnancy and I have to go back In 10 days. Still no further forward. I suffered a previous pregnancy as ectopic. This morning I woke early to find him grinding against my back- it's was before 7am and he instigated sex which at first I told him I was still tired and then I caved in.

Later I went out and bought some lovely food and drinks and cooked and then 5 mins before everything was due to be ready I said I wanted to go and watch something that started on tv and could he finish off and bring the food through. He kicked off and stormed out. Now he's disappeared ...again.1

I am too old for this bull shit. So although I adore my kids and don't want a termination...I just don't know how I can move forward here.

I love him. I love my children. But I'm fed up of carrying everything for everyone else.

My dc are 20, 19 and 16

I'm sorry to be so harsh, OP, but I feel so angry that men are allowed to treat women like that. And I'm afraid children are like sponges, they soak up the atmosphere around them and probably know and sense much more than you think.

Good luck.

Bloody hell, OP you have three nearly grown children and you want to have a baby with an sexually abusive man?

Thank you xx

He's a man, he got you pregnant, he will be able to get another woman pregnant until he's 80 or so!

Making him a father (which he seems very unsuited to and incapable of doing properly) is NOT your responsibility.

You have you, and your existing children, and the impact on the rest of your life and your career to consider.

Please don't saddle yourself to this unpleasant loser xx

H OP, it makes me so sad to read this. Over the next few days please think about what you want your life to be like and what it will be like with this man - do the two match up? Think about what kind of father you would choose to give a baby - is this man it?

Please do not take into consideration the blackmail by his family. It's not likely to be his only chance at becoming a father but if it is then that's not your concern. Try to put it in a box and throw it away as it will cloud your judgement and really it's just noise. They are not going to be the ones who actually have to do the work. The decisions you make right now will be some of the most important you ever make and will affect you and the children you already have for the rest of your life.

Please also don't listen to what he says, it's a red herring. Look at and consider who he is and his intentions by his actions and what he does - the rest is all words and manipulation.

I do wonder if part of your love for this man in particular is just wanting to love and be loved by someone? Do you want to tie yourself and a child to this man for the next part of your life?

He is an abuser. Call WA please. If you continue in this relationship your DC will be impacted. They are probably aware of the unhealthy dynamic already.

His mother calling is another huge red flag.

This is one of the saddest things I've read on MN.

This man is an abuser, OP, nothing more, nothing less. He's not paying his way, he's raping you, he's lied about his fertility and trapped you into pregnancy to get you even further under his control, he's even got his mother involved to pressurise you into continuing with this pregnancy.

Please, get rid of this man, and quickly. That will give you the head space you need to decide about the pregnancy.

Your children are all living in the same house as you and unless you are an Oscar winning type actress I don’t see how they can fail to pick up on the atmosphere , or see that you are upset / have been crying . I’m sure you are an excellent parent in all other respects but you are doing them a disservice if you seriously think they will be unaffected by this , particularly at the moment when people are stuck at home so much .

Why are you with this guy? He’s treating you like crap!

Yes of course. I want to love and be loved. I lost both my parents last year.

Please don't listen to his mother. This is your decision. It's you who will end up doing all the work of raising any child with a leech like this man. If I were in your shoes I couldn't contemplate tying myself to him for the next 20 years.

You deserve much better.

@woooooohhhhhh

He had a wank over my tits this morning- first he wanted to cum in my face. Afterwards I was in hysterical tears and he did say he hadn't meant to hurt me but I just feel so insecure and vulnerable and would have preferred more affection.

But I am emotional and hormonal and don't know what's normal any more. My judgement is all over the place.

OP he's a fucking animal.

Put him out of the damn door. Once it's shut on his face your life will be infinitely lovelier.

Thank you xx

WTF have I just read ...

Oh OP, I'm so sorry to read the update about your parents. I'm 42 and have lost both of my parents too abs understand how hard it is. You are vulnerable right now but please try and see the long term future for yourself and your children. You will love and be loved but you deserve that love to come from someone who really does love you, treats you with respect and doesn't abuse you. You deserve that.

You’re not loved by an abuser, you’re own by them. A possession that is there for their use and pleasure but can be discarded in a blink of an eye. Real love is what your children have for you as you did for your parents.
You won’t heal from this abuse till you recognise it as abuse.

Please leave him OP and have the termination, it sounds like you don’t want a baby and he is just vile. I don’t usually comment on these types of posts but this genuinely is one of the worst things I’ve read on here as it’s almost like we are at the start of a book or a film when you know it’s all going to end horribly and you can’t do anything. Honestly OP, please, before it’s too late, you deserve so much more.

@enigma16

I'm sorry to be so harsh, OP, but I feel so angry that men are allowed to treat women like that. And I'm afraid children are like sponges, they soak up the atmosphere around them and probably know and sense much more than you think.

Good luck.

OP,

You are absolutely kidding yourself if you think your children haven't a huge idea of how toxic your relationship is.

The may not know he cums on your chest,🙄 but you can be sure they can sense that it is not a healthy relationship.

God help your children being in a house where your sex life is clearly your priority.

You are extremely dismissive of your children, but that clearly suits you, so you don't have to consider them.

My sympathy is with them.

@woooooohhhhhh

He had a wank over my tits this morning- first he wanted to cum in my face. Afterwards I was in hysterical tears and he did say he hadn't meant to hurt me but I just feel so insecure and vulnerable and would have preferred more affection.

But I am emotional and hormonal and don't know what's normal any more. My judgement is all over the place.

Did you want this? It does not sound like you consented. This baby will tie you to this abusive psycho for the rest of your life. Leave him and put all your attention on your 3 DCs. You need time on your own to build some self-respect.

How long have you been with him? I wonder if the lose of your parents and your children growing up has made you feel very alone and you are desperate for any affection you can get even if it means you are with him.

You need to get him out of your life to grieve and heal.

Your children will see some of this they cant not.

Get a grip. Leave him. Get a termination. Wake up!!! Sending courage.

this relationship has Shocked me ... OP he saw you coming with bells and lights and an inheritance FFS

please OP ... listen to these posters.. they are experienced and knowledgable ... read The Freedom Programme 🌺

You are extremely dismissive of your children, but that clearly suits you, so you don't have to consider them.

That comment is uncalled for and disgusting.

Misogynism At it's best.

At 20 and 19 the are not children, they work full time, I barely see them yet I have raised them well and houses them. Plus they're with their Absent dad and his gf some of the time. And so now I leave the thread.

Dear god this is utterly horrendous. You do not seem in a good place to have a baby. Tying yourself to this disgusting 'man' will be a terrible decision.