To hope for the worst re pregnancy :(

[woooooohhhhhh]

So sorry if this is sensitive 😭

Be kind. I'm 40, divorcee.

Ok early pregnancy and I'm exhausted 😭I specifically told me partner last night I was exhausted- I had been for an east scab due to a suspected ectopic pregnancy and I have to go back In 10 days. Still no further forward. I suffered a previous pregnancy as ectopic. This morning I woke early to find him grinding against my back- it's was before 7am and he instigated sex which at first I told him I was still tired and then I caved in.

Later I went out and bought some lovely food and drinks and cooked and then 5 mins before everything was due to be ready I said I wanted to go and watch something that started on tv and could he finish off and bring the food through. He kicked off and stormed out. Now he's disappeared ...again.1

I am too old for this bull shit. So although I adore my kids and don't want a termination...I just don't know how I can move forward here.

I love him. I love my children. But I'm fed up of carrying everything for everyone else.

Putting aside the shit relationship stuff, how early was the early scan? Ectopic pregnancies can be, and routinely are, picked up at 4-6 weeks. Given the risk of a ruptured tube, it seems unusual to tell you to come back in almost a fortnight?

Yes they made an appointment for me for ten days time. On the internal scan they couldn't see anything in my uterus and because it was only 5 days since I missed my period and I had a glowing positive pregnancy test they gave me a leaflet which told me to go to a and e if I developed symptoms. She said it was maybe too early to see anything but they couldn't rule out ectopic. I've had an ectopic pregnancy before.

And I'm taking on board all the responses thank you 🙏🏼

You are living with a parasite.

OP you seem so lovely, you deserve so much better than someone who makes you feel like this. Please find the strength to kick this awful man out and get back to living your life. You have a lovely family and home. I truely believe good things will come to you.

Whether your pregnancy is viable or not, you owe it to your children and yourself to get this man out of your lives.

If you go ahead with this pregnancy, this man will be in your life for ever - through the child’s life, & through their children’s lives. Always.

He will always be the child’s father irrespective of how involved he is in either your or your child’s life. Always.

He can have a say in how you bring up the child. To the point of contact with him EOW & more.

From what you say, you loved your ExH & has a good relationship at the outset to bring three children into the world. Alas, that relationship did not last.

Already this man you are involved with now, is not that good, kind or loving before the pregnancy comes to term. Get out of this now.

Do you really really want a baby in your early 40s with parental responsibilities into your 60s ? Was this a game plan before you met this man & your children were teenagers.
I ask, as I know women who have held a burning yearning need to have their own baby, & know the fulfilment of motherhood, & have persisted with solo IVF to achieve this - even into mid 40s - but none of them found or wanted an inadequate man to make this happen.

If you really feel so strongly about having another child - not just offsetting an imminent empty nest or waning fertility as you age - then you may or may not consider a termination, but you need to face full-on your true feelings to this pregnancy. If you continue, the overhead to having this baby at all costs is being tied to an inadequate unkind man & also choosing him to be the father your child will always know.

If you're in your own house and financially secure I'd get rid of him. You can do better than someone who treats you like that. I'd also suggest considering a termination. Poor you x

You have your own house and you're financially secure. You have two good options. Any options involving continuing with him are BAD options.

1-You can terminate and get rid of him for good and all.
2-You can have the baby and get rid of him, but it may not be for good and all.

Number 1 is what I'd choose. Your children are basically grown. You're now 'your own woman' without the demands of constant attention from small/growing children. Why would you want to turn the clock back?

I stopped feeling 'broody' for a baby at 40 when youngest started school. It occurred to me that I would only 'gain' in time and 'freedom' as he grew and that I NEVER again wanted to deal with nappies, potty training, sleepless nights, all the things that go with a baby/young child. Think very carefully before you surrender your freedom because you have earned it raising the children you have. That decision can't be 'taken back'.

The caveat with #2 is that even if you kick him out and end the relationship he'll always be a part of your life because of the child. You know you won't get CMS off him, you know he's more than likely going to be a royal pain in every phase of child-rearing from access to school selection to, well, any and all child-rearing decisions. And God forbid you should want to relocate for a better job or a new relationship. Do you really want to have to deal with that for the next 18-20 years?

Even if he's totally non-involved, the worry that he'll decide to 'demand his rights' will hang over your head like the Sword of Damocles.

@woooooohhhhhh

Well when I told him I was pregnant and therefore super fertile, the next time he withdrew and came on my tits and told me if was the future now.

What now?

How can you be super fertile if you're pregnant?

@Mrsbrownsgargoyle

How can you be super fertile if you're pregnant?

She was apparently "super fertile" to be pregnant by a man who was "unable" to father a child. But she wasn't, because he wasn't.

Yes and with my other children I always conceived straight away. And conceived and ectopic pregnancy whilst on the pill.

I've read threads similar to this before. You have already forgiven him today OP? you're going to keep forgiving him. Over and over.

You are letting yourself be treated this way because you live him.

He WILL take from you, he WILL abuse you and he WILL take your inherited money. And you are letting him. And that is what your children are seeing.

Nobody can do this for you.

Best advice from AcrossthePond55:
1-You can terminate and get rid of him for good and all.
2-You can have the baby and get rid of him, but it may not be for good and all.

Number 1 is what I'd choose. Your children are basically grown. You're now 'your own woman' without the demands of constant attention from small/growing children. Why would you want to turn the clock back?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1715821-what-is-a-cocklodger

Good luck, really hope you can find the strength to take your life back.

Thank you 🙏🏼

I still really don't know what to do. I have less than a week now to decide.

I have spoken with him and he says he doesn't want me to feel the way I do and doesn't mean to hurt me or upset me when he does.

My emotions are now all over the place.

I've had a Message from his mother now asking me to consider I would be taking away his only chance of being a parent if I terminated.

Please do not give in to this emotional blackmail. It’s not your job to provide him with children and her with grandchildren.

I've had a Message from his mother now asking me to consider I would be taking away his only chance of being a parent if I terminated

Reply with the cumming on your tits story.

There is no way this man is ever going to be a real parent - he clearly doesn't have the skills for it. The most he will be is another useless sperm doner and all children deserve better than that.

As do you, OP. Get bigger dreams - please.

He had a wank over my tits this morning- first he wanted to cum in my face. Afterwards I was in hysterical tears and he did say he hadn't meant to hurt me but I just feel so insecure and vulnerable and would have preferred more affection.

But I am emotional and hormonal and don't know what's normal any more. My judgement is all over the place.

But you'd be taking away your freedom, energy, time, money and health (and honestly, your future happiness and quiet middle age) if you continue this relationship and pregnancy. Why would you do that to yourself? I am 41. Nobody would be taking those things away from me when I have spent a good 3 decades dancing to every one else's tune. Love yourself more, you deserve it.

You have done parenting. It doesn't matter if this is 'his only chance' (it isn't if he got you pregnant he can get others pregnant, it is how it works). You matter more. Your life is more important to you.

@woooooohhhhhh

He had a wank over my tits this morning- first he wanted to cum in my face. Afterwards I was in hysterical tears and he did say he hadn't meant to hurt me but I just feel so insecure and vulnerable and would have preferred more affection.

But I am emotional and hormonal and don't know what's normal any more. My judgement is all over the place.

It certainly is if you’re still with him

You do know what’s normal and this relationship isn’t it.

Both him and his Mum are horrible. How dare she try to get involved and emotionally blackmail you.

You are setting a terrible example for your children by showing them that it is OK for women to be treated like this. How would you feel if your daughter was in your shoes one day? You are also basically saying to your partner that it is OK to treat women like this.

It never ceases to amaze me why women get together with men like this, let alone have children with them. Take some responsibility FGS. It isn't just about your feelings.

FGS just Chuck him out at least why you decide what you want . What sort of an example are you setting for your existing children putting up with this knob and his behaviour .

Please can you be a bit kinder, my children have no idea at all what happens in the bedroom between us obviously. They're mostly living their own lives. Just because I have emotional and personal problems, that doesn't make me an irresponsible parent. He is doing nothing to harm them. Yes I'm responsible but I'm also vulnerable right now so please don't bring my parenting of my adult/teenage children into this.