Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I dont want to share babies 1st time at zoo with mil, fil and her sons?

208 replies

Sophie1029734 · 28/02/2021 02:59

Hi everyone. My mil wants to go to the zoo when lockdown lifts with her, the fil, her 2 sons, their 2 girlfriends, me, the baby and partner. No one one really likes the zoo, its more for the baby.
I dont want to feel at competition, trying to talk to my child with MIL talking first. I dont want to have to move from the pram by 1inch and mil grabbing the handles. I have a bit of anxiety and I dont want to feel anxious haveing all these people focusing on me and the my child, like I'm in a spotlight. I want to just enjoy takeing her, not have to constantly pass her about and share it. Plus I'd rather go when my kids older, maybe 2 or 3 so she can truly enjoy the zoo. I want to it to be just us. Is this selfish. AIBU?

OP posts:
ItsJackieWeaverBitch · 28/02/2021 09:27

YANBU that sounds like a stressful day out, and in all honesty I wouldn’t like having that many tagging along on my family day out.

Maybe suggest to your inlaws that they take the baby out on their own day out at some point in the near future.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 28/02/2021 09:31

sounds like an expensive day out that no one is going to enjoy! - entry to most zoos is £25+, overpriced drinks snacks, 8 people?

Might as well all go to a nice park.

London Zoo is planning to open on April 12 Grin

diddl · 28/02/2021 09:31

If you're still reading, Op, it does all sound a bit much.

If it was just you, husband & the ILs that would be something, but why the rest of the family?

My MIL would try to do "performance Grandparenting".

And the annoying insistance that there were things that the kids would do "just for GM".

Looking back it was harmless, but infuriating at the time!

bloomingroses · 28/02/2021 09:32

I think it’s beneficial for a baby to have lots of interaction with a large family. When I was a child i had none of that, consequently I was rather a shy timid child.

morninglive · 28/02/2021 09:32

A family trip to the zoo. What on earth is there to get anxious about. Just go, relax and enjoy the day.

Spidey66 · 28/02/2021 09:49

The baby won't remember. I'd go with granny and then take her when she's about 4 or 5 and she will remember....then in her head this was the first time going, but granny also thinks she's got a first experience. Win win, imo.

midnightstar66 · 28/02/2021 09:52

It seems a bit much to have that many adults tagging along on baby’s first trip to the zoo

What if dh likes his family and would enjoy an outing with his siblings included after all this time of not being able to!

Nebulacoffee · 28/02/2021 09:55

Well as you say, the baby won’t remember, so you can have the real first trip experience at age 3 or whenever you want to go.
Sounds like this is about you not wanting to spend time in the company of so many others, regardless of activity.
I would seek help for your anxiety, and in the meantime explain to in laws how you feel, and more than 3 others (or whatever your comfy limit is) is too much for you.

WolfHunter · 28/02/2021 09:55

We took my youngest when she was about 8 months. We went with our PILs for the eldest birthday. Grandad passes away 2 months later and I am very thankful we went to do something all together otherwise we wouldn't have those photos.

Fastestbrownie · 28/02/2021 10:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SnuggyBuggy · 28/02/2021 10:02

I'd just do a general family thing that's not baby focused so everyone is more comfortable

BeakyWinder · 28/02/2021 10:08

I'm the first to do a Hmm face when a poster is being PFB, but actually, in the context of lockdown and never having taken your baby for a day out then I don't blame you for building that up in your mind, it must feel like a big deal and a return to normality. Enjoy it with your dp and baby, then plan some days with other people.

MonaLisaDoesntSmile · 28/02/2021 10:12

@Sophie1029734 Set up some boudnaries for the MIL. ALso, someone gave a good advice about a sling, that will make it more difficult for MIL to be forceful with the buggy.

I get what you're sayin totally, MIL and her family dont want o get involved in everything and it's totally fine to want to have some memories without people you may not like much- YOUR memories also matter. This place is full of spiteful MILs.

crystalcherry87 · 28/02/2021 10:29

The baby won't really remember the zoo and it's good to have the support of family. On the other hand, big family days out wirh extended family are not really my thing so I can see why you might not want to do this. But as a one off day I would just take her and enjoy the day. It's not a competition, your mil will have just planned a nice day out and not realised you've made it into a huge problem.

Bellaphant · 28/02/2021 11:05

Honestly, another vote against the zoo in general! My brother arranged my niece's 3rd bday at a small zoo...we spent more time cutting the cake and playing in the playground than seeing any animals, plus the groups (two sets of grandparents, a few aunts and uncles) all split up anyway. She was three, she's now five, she doesn't remember a thing but I remember how much entry cost!

Why don't you take baby to something you actually want to do, and if mil wants to take baby on her own to the zoo, that's fine?

Blockedoff · 28/02/2021 11:49

Not sure why you've asked the question? You don't want to listen to what people say, unless they agree with you obs!

YABVVU for what it's worth!

Lollypop4 · 28/02/2021 12:00

Just go before with your dp and dc.

Then make plans with everyone else, Im a bit like you , I enjoy doing 1st days out ect as a little family, then enjoy next visit with extended family ect.

Your MIL has her 'first' with her kids,its ok for you to want that too, if they arnt happy with your plans- their problem, not yours

VinylDetective · 28/02/2021 12:07

@Sophie1029734

Thats a good idea, I'll take her and then go another time with everyone else and we can go have something to eat together. Maybe I am more protective about firsts because of lockdown, all I've done with my child is sit in a house or walk down the same path. Maybe it had a played a role
That’s very honest of you. I doubt anyone who had a first baby in the last year is in the same space they would be in normal times. Is your baby the first grandchild? If so, try and remember grannies get excited too and no child can be loved too much.
nannybeach · 28/02/2021 12:40

summer isn't very far away, well, where I live its February!!!

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 28/02/2021 13:06

OP, people telling you YABU is not rude. People telling you YABU because you're being precious is not rude. Don't post on here if you only want one point of view. And as I said earlier don't burn bridges with people who will one day provide valuable support because of some claim you think you have to your child and some ridiculous notion that pushing a pram means someone is in competition with you. The world is not so complicated - maybe she just wants to push a pram because she likes looking g at her GC, not because she's secretly trying to take over.

I do feel so sad for some MILs when this is the attitude and I hope my own DC choose less precious partners. I'd hate to be alienated from a GC because of ridiculous made up reasons of "I'm the winner"

Brunt0n · 28/02/2021 13:10

‘First day at the zoo’ Christ 🤦🏼‍♀️ Stop making out like it’s some bloody milestone

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 28/02/2021 13:11

@midnightstar66

It seems a bit much to have that many adults tagging along on baby’s first trip to the zoo

What if dh likes his family and would enjoy an outing with his siblings included after all this time of not being able to!

This is MN, dad's views and families aren't important.

If the OP wanted a day out with her own family though I'm sure that would be fine

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 28/02/2021 13:12

FWIW I agree with others. The zoo with a baby is shit. Aside from the fact that it's morally questionable and pretty boring for a baby, there's lots of accessibility issues meaning it's a PITA taking a pram. Just go to the park with a picnic on a sunny day when we can all meet again, send MIL off to the swings with the baby, kick back and relax. Cheaper, too

DaisyHeadMaisey · 28/02/2021 13:15

Just remember OP, one day you may be a grandma and you may want to have a day out with the DCs and DGCs and it will give you immense joy to see them all together. It's a good thing that so many people love your baby and want to spend time with them, calm down.

hulloall · 28/02/2021 13:51

I completely understand how you feel. I was very much the same with my first child (not sure if this is your first baby or not). I felt like MIL was always trying to take over, always inviting herself to all the firsts, often doing the firsts without my knowledge etc. I fucking hated her guts for a couple of years.

I then had my second child, and suddenly realised that a lot of the things I was pissed off about weren't actually important. I'd kicked up a stink over very minor things and I'm actually out a little bit embarrassed now about how I acted.

As an outsider, I think the zoo idea is one of the things that I would look back at and think "why did I even care". It seems important now, but it might not a couple of years down the line.

However, I would just take your baby with just you and partner. You can just visit the next time with everyone. No big deal for you to go on your own without them x

Swipe left for the next trending thread