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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I dont want to share babies 1st time at zoo with mil, fil and her sons?

208 replies

Sophie1029734 · 28/02/2021 02:59

Hi everyone. My mil wants to go to the zoo when lockdown lifts with her, the fil, her 2 sons, their 2 girlfriends, me, the baby and partner. No one one really likes the zoo, its more for the baby.
I dont want to feel at competition, trying to talk to my child with MIL talking first. I dont want to have to move from the pram by 1inch and mil grabbing the handles. I have a bit of anxiety and I dont want to feel anxious haveing all these people focusing on me and the my child, like I'm in a spotlight. I want to just enjoy takeing her, not have to constantly pass her about and share it. Plus I'd rather go when my kids older, maybe 2 or 3 so she can truly enjoy the zoo. I want to it to be just us. Is this selfish. AIBU?

OP posts:
makingmammaries · 28/02/2021 06:54

How very PFB is this? Who cares who is there when your baby goes to the zoo?

Mine didn’t go until they were well into primary school. They survived somehow and so did we.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 28/02/2021 06:57

It's a non starter due to covid , so why worry about it right now. I doubt very much the sons and girlfriends want to go either ! When I was young and child free that would have sounded like an awful day out.
When the time comes just say you dont fancy it , no one can force you to do anything.
You do sound overly anxious about it all .

Sleepingdogs12 · 28/02/2021 07:02

Blimey, this is all very strange! Your baby sounds quite young so likely not to remember this first trip to the zoo. I am unsure why your whole family or you are so excited about this trip out (other than covid etc ) , why it is a massive deal to any of you unless your sir name is Attenborough and you have a family dynasty to continue. It isn't a thing , the first Zoo trip ,obviously it is factually but it isn't on the list of milestones as far as I know. I don't want to sound unkind but this seems to be out of proportion in your mind. But essentially if it really bothers you just go before the planned trip and have a lovely time , your baby will be too young to care or spill the beans to grandma.

cptartapp · 28/02/2021 07:03

Your child, you get to choose.
If it suits you and you want to go, do. If not then don't.
It may set a precedent that MIL gets her own way and always has to be involved. SIL had years of this. PIL still see themselves as one family unit, pushing their way into everything and the DC are 17 now and hate it!

RosesAndHellebores · 28/02/2021 07:05

OP I'd develop a headache on the day. Wave of dh and dd then run a glorious bubble bath, read a good book, and have a glorious day of me time whilst they are pretending to be Dr Dolittle

moanieleminx · 28/02/2021 07:11

@makingmammaries

How very PFB is this? Who cares who is there when your baby goes to the zoo?

Mine didn’t go until they were well into primary school. They survived somehow and so did we.

This!

All I can see is that deep down you really really don't like your in laws.

It is important for babies to see socialisation, and it's about the whole day, together as a family, your PFB's family. If you don't want to go, then don't but I don't see why you would want to stop everyone else from a fun family day out?

Cloudbeeb · 28/02/2021 07:13

Just say yeah that sounds like it'll be really nice when he is a bit older, me and DH are going to take him soon.

Bungal00 · 28/02/2021 07:14

What does your dp think about it? Maybe he can talk to his family and explain. I took my baby to the zoo with partner, my mother and sister, we had a lovely day. But I agree with pp's, baby won't give no fucks about the zoo.

Bungal00 · 28/02/2021 07:17

Maybe the adults just want an excuse to go to the zoo? Mil probably wants the chance to spend a nice day with the baby.

CoconutFatFeast · 28/02/2021 07:17

Your baby will probably enjoy a children’s farm more than the zoo. Animals are closer and easier to see. Plus a baby doesn’t think that an elephant is more exciting than a sheep, it’s all new! Their first trip to the zoo probably won’t live up to your expectations. A day at the zoo with a whole family of adults and only one child who is too young to understand it doesn’t sound like a good day out for anyone. I know people have been buying up zoo tickets in advance to support them financially during lockdown so perhaps that’s what your MIL is thinking.

DianaT1969 · 28/02/2021 07:17

When was your first time at the zoo OP? What do you remember from that day?
What other firsts are you waiting for? That you are desperate to do as a family? Baby's first swim? Baby's first soft play? Baby's first trip to Primark? Baby's first flight? It never ends...

Sahm101 · 28/02/2021 07:19

Op you sound really ridiculous about mummy and daddy taking baby to the zoo. It is just the zoo. Not mars.
Please don't get into this type of mindset. It really is ridiculous.

Potterythrowdown · 28/02/2021 07:19

You're making this into a bigger thing than it is. It's not a milestone to take your child to the zoo and it's hard work - long queues for the baby change, it'll rain because if always does, your kid wont give a shit about half the animals and will probably end up napping through most of it. You might as well set fire to £50.

pictish · 28/02/2021 07:19

So you don’t like your in laws then. I can’t imagine another reason a proposed and very ordinary family trip to the zoo would be viewed with sourness like this, otherwise.
Making problems where there is none.
It’s not all about you.
Stop being so precious.

Sahm101 · 28/02/2021 07:21

And it's not ok to have brought anxiety into this. Shame really. I do have anxiety and know full well that you are using this as an excuse.

Original poster
Sophie1029734 · 28/02/2021 07:32

Ive said yes, alot of comments are right. I do thin lockdown has made me frantic because weve done nothing with her but we have so much time to do things. Plus we can ust go off on our own for a bit, join up and meet up again to more animals, go for something to eat and that.

Asumptions about the family, all this side live together it's not like a big get together of family who havnt seen each other. And as some zoos were only takeing bookings a while ago, we thought wed try pre book to get in.
Thank you for all ur comments

OP posts:
Equimum · 28/02/2021 07:32

How old is baby? If too young to really care, I’d just suck it up, and then take them again, without all the relatives, when they are big enough to enjoy it. DS loved a zoo for around 18 months.

TheGoogleMum · 28/02/2021 07:36

I voted YABU because its just a trip to the zoo. It does seem silly to go just for a baby who probably won't be interested yet, why not instead all do something everyone will enjoy?

BigPaperBag · 28/02/2021 07:38

FGS!! She just wants to enjoy it, you should be glad that your little one has a grandma who’s interested. Many don’t you know. In case my post isn’t clear YABU.

VivaLeBeaver · 28/02/2021 07:41

You can go more than once. Getting hung up on “firsts” is silly.

I get youd maybe have a nicer time without them. I’d have a nicer life if there were various people I never saw again. But I put on a smile and have a slightly shit day.

Go with the wider family, your Dd will enjoy it regardless. Then another time go, just you, Dd and dh....don’t tell them.

MindyStClaire · 28/02/2021 07:42

It's the MIL's other children and their partners I feel sorry for, I'm guessing they're not so keen on a trip to the zoo with a baby Grin

Ladyofmainlyleisure · 28/02/2021 07:45

This is why I have a dog and not a baby.

I took him to the zoo for the first time last year when he was 2. (There is a zoo in the Uk that allows this) and we had the best time!

No one else wanted to muscle in on this first, because he’s a dog! 🤣

Shoxfordian · 28/02/2021 07:45

I don’t really think the first time at the zoo should be a big deal, your baby won’t even understand any of it anyway. Are you generally anxious or is this really about boundaries with your mil? I probably wouldn’t pick this particular hill to die on, but increase your self esteem and your boundaries gradually instead

FireflyRainbow · 28/02/2021 07:47

Yabu it is just the zoo. But your baby won't care. It's not for the baby. If none of you like the zoo go somewhere you do like.

SD1978 · 28/02/2021 07:47

You're sounding like PFB issues. The baby will not give a crap- and will be passingly interested at most. Most people use the zoo as a family day out. The fin is when they are older and actually choose Toni retract with the animals. This is age it's juts a walk around wi you making comments they don't care a fig for