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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I dont want to share babies 1st time at zoo with mil, fil and her sons?

208 replies

Sophie1029734 · 28/02/2021 02:59

Hi everyone. My mil wants to go to the zoo when lockdown lifts with her, the fil, her 2 sons, their 2 girlfriends, me, the baby and partner. No one one really likes the zoo, its more for the baby.
I dont want to feel at competition, trying to talk to my child with MIL talking first. I dont want to have to move from the pram by 1inch and mil grabbing the handles. I have a bit of anxiety and I dont want to feel anxious haveing all these people focusing on me and the my child, like I'm in a spotlight. I want to just enjoy takeing her, not have to constantly pass her about and share it. Plus I'd rather go when my kids older, maybe 2 or 3 so she can truly enjoy the zoo. I want to it to be just us. Is this selfish. AIBU?

OP posts:
FireflyRainbow · 28/02/2021 07:48

I want a day out and would go anywhere can I come 😆

sonjadog · 28/02/2021 07:48

I would have thought it was more of an excuse for a meeting up and day out at the zoo than a big trip for your baby's first time at the zoo. Sounds like your baby is too young to really enjoy a trip anyway. These days I think people just want to go somewhere different and do something different, no matter what it is. Also, adults like zoos too. Plenty of adults are at zoos. My Mum and I like a trip out to the zoo. In fact, we enjoy it more without small children alongside!

Takemetothebar · 28/02/2021 07:48

YABU.

A) firs trip to the zoo? It’s not a graduation ceremony!

B) your family wants to enjoy your child with you. Explain to me why that’s a bad thing?

C) grandparents are special. Interested grandparents don’t come around every day. My child has one grandparent, who she barely ever sees as live abroad. Interested grandparents who want to spend time and who can spend time? And you want to ban them so you can talk to your child about the animals first?

Vodkabulary · 28/02/2021 07:49

YABU to make first zoo trip such a thing. Chances our your DS will nap / not be interested / there will be loads of other people around all trying to see the animals so it’s all crap views.

I know it’s hard especially with lockdowns so you’ve not had a normal maternity leave experience with babies but people
Put all these firsts on a Pedestal and they nearly always turn out to be a complete anticlimax and a disappointment because it’s not the rose tinted family experience you imagined.

sweetpotatopie12 · 28/02/2021 07:50

Just think are you going to be like this for every first?

First ice cream
First trip to the beach
First time swimming
First donkey ride
First circus etc etc

If so you better tell your family now to avoid issues later

Takebackthepower · 28/02/2021 07:51

I remember being excited taking my baby the first time.. she slept the whole way through and wasnt remotely interested.. it was boring

SnuggyBuggy · 28/02/2021 07:51

I don't get why the siblings and partners are interested either. Maybe if it was a mobile more interactive toddler but I don't get this at all unless it's MIL pushing everyone into enacting her vision of a perfect family occasion and they are just pleasing her.

Then again I'm the sort that would rather live in an alleyway than with my partners parents so maybe it's a dynamic I don't get.

AnaisNun · 28/02/2021 07:52

Is the first time at the zoo a “thing”, though, OP? It’s just one of many many life experiences - will you want it to just be you, DD and your partner for all of them?

It actually sounds quite sad to me. My DS doesn’t have much family, and those we do have, aren’t at all involved. I often wish for a crowd of eager relatives for days out etc. They’re the stuff that kids remember really fondly.

I think you’re being a bit OTT- maybe get some help for the anxiety as it actually sounds less like it’s about the baby’s first time at the zoo, and more about your social anxiety.

Rainallnight · 28/02/2021 07:55

Is the zoo a very special place to you?

Cam77 · 28/02/2021 07:55

Do what you like, but most children won’t show much interest in the zoo animals until they’re at least 2 or 3 usually older, as they can’t “interact” with them. They usually only like ducks and squirrels etc when they are younger than that.

MaryShelley1818 · 28/02/2021 07:55

This sounds like a ridiculous overreaction. (And I have a lockdown baby).
It's a trip to the zoo....the sort of trip your baby won't even remember. As other people have said your baby would probably much prefer an aquarium or farm. We took our toddler to the zoo several times last summer. Be grateful baby has a loving family who is interested in them.

Nomorepies · 28/02/2021 07:56

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request

Mwnci123 · 28/02/2021 07:58

It sounds like your MIL is really keen to arrange a family get together because she has missed everyone. You're overreacting and not seeing things from anyone else's point of view. Maybe suggest some other way of meeting up if you really don't like this plan.

FKW112 · 28/02/2021 07:59

"In fact they live at street next to us which is a 3 minute walk, they have seen her so many times at the dolr. And for a couple weeks they've been seeing her"

Have you been breaking the lockdown rules for them to see her? Is that under pressure from MIL? If so I think you need to be a bit firmer with her. The zoo thing is ridiculous but we all have things like that when we have babies so I understand.

Chunkymenrock · 28/02/2021 07:59

I think this infatuation with 'firsts' is really unhelpful and weird. We just did stuff, it never occurred to chalk it down as a historic 'first'. It's just life and why not say no thank you if you'd rather not go and yes please if you would?

Hopdathelf · 28/02/2021 07:59

Being precious about a first trip to the zoo? I’ve heard everything now.

AgnesNaismith · 28/02/2021 08:01

I wouldn’t like this either OP. Ignore people telling you to ‘re-frame’ your ideas! If you don’t want to do this just say no - you have to assert your own boundaries and it’s healthy to do so.

You may well feel differently in the future but for now just do what keeps you and the baby happy. See them in the usual way you would see them!

nannybeach · 28/02/2021 08:01

If you live in the UK, it's unlikely this ammount of people will be able to meet up for a very long time.

Babyfg · 28/02/2021 08:01

I really wanted to take my two to peppa pig world as they hadn't been before (it's about 3 hours from us). I promised I'd take them as soon as the restrictions were more relaxed.

My Sister in law offered to take them in the summer as she wanted to do something nice with them. I packed lunches and spare clothes and happily waved them off and enjoyed sitting front of the tv stuffing my face.

Could you turn it into a first outing with nanny and enjoy the day off? Something like oh I know how much you want to spend time with dd why don't I stay at home abd you guys enjoy?

nicnacnew · 28/02/2021 08:02

Just go with it. She won't remember and you can go on your own, together, when she is old enough to enjoy it.

RussellCroweslefteyebrow · 28/02/2021 08:02

@Dontforgetyourbrolly

It's a non starter due to covid , so why worry about it right now. I doubt very much the sons and girlfriends want to go either ! When I was young and child free that would have sounded like an awful day out. When the time comes just say you dont fancy it , no one can force you to do anything. You do sound overly anxious about it all .
Non starter due to covid. What are you talking about? I went to a 5 year olds birthday party at the zoo yesterday. The whole family was there.

You know there is a whole world outside of the UK, yeah? And some parts of it are no longer in lockdown and are free to roam.

WhateverJudy · 28/02/2021 08:05

@Sophie1029734

Dont assume since lockdown they havnt seen my child and its turned me in to obsessive monster.In fact they live at street next to us which is a 3 minute walk, they have seen her so many times at the dolr. And for a couple weeks they've been seeing her, wrong.. I know... but dont assume. I'm not competitive with my child's time, mil has in fact been competitive on previous outings which in turn has made me insecure going out with her. The only reason for me to go the zoo is to take my child, not for a family outing to walk around with lots of a adults pretending to be entertained by animals. Theres more entertaining, more practical places to go with everyone. If you did every single outing with most your partners side if the family, if you never wanted to just have a special day with your partner and kid then dont want their makeing out like I'm a horrible person for wanting that too. I know I asked for an opinion but I've quickly relised that I'm nit being selfish at all.
Don’t worry OP, if enough people continue to meet family inside and stick two fingers up to the people working their guts out in ICU like you are then it’ll be a while before the zoo is open anyway. I’m so fucked off reading about people doing what they want when I haven’t seen my family in months. I’m really not sure why I bother anymore. Honestly just grow up OP it’s the fucking zoo. Your baby won’t have a clue and your MiLs sons and gfs probably won’t come, I doubt it’s very appealing to them.
Original poster
Sophie1029734 · 28/02/2021 08:05

Yes the more I think about it the more I relised how dumb I was to be to be hung up on going the zoo. I think with little one being my 1st child and with lockdown I've never took her out properly, I was obsessing that the day needed to be perfect, I didn't want to feel anxious with lots of family. But itll be a good day.

OP posts:
mindutopia · 28/02/2021 08:06

Why not all meet up and do something fun for the adults? The zoo is expensive and pretty boring. Our dd first went at 2.5 and was still not interested. It would have been painful to have the whole family, bored, trailing behind. I would suggest meeting in a park for a picnic or at someone’s house for a BBQ outside. The baby can sleep and adults can enjoy themselves.

Pebbledashery · 28/02/2021 08:08

Op you are definitely being precious. I have zero family whatsoever and raise my daughter alone... I would love to be in the position you find yourself in with family wanting to take my DD out and spend time with her. Its just the zoo. I'm not minimising how you feel at all. You're entitled to and it's not selfish.. But really, you could have it worse.

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