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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have I gone too far with my son?

456 replies

BBCONEANDTWO · 27/02/2021 18:22

I work FT and at weekends do the cleaning, ironing, dusting etc. I have a son and daughter and my son still lives at home (he's 21). Last weekend he came down from his room and had a go at me for cleaning and that he can hear every step I take and it's annoying etc etc. I explained I only have the weekends to clean and I was sorry but needed to get on top of things.

Today - he came down from his room again complaining about me walking about (OK I do tend to clean one room, have a rest, do ironing, have a rest and a cuppa etc). It was how he said it to me that I don't need to clean all the time the house is immaculate (I do tend to try and keep on top of things during the week). I lost it. I told him not to tell me that I shouldn't be doing my housework, cooking etc and that I paid the mortgage and had every right to do what I wanted at the weekend.

Fast forward to tea time - DH said that it was a nasty thing to say about paying the mortgage and I had been in a bad mood all day and it wasn't fair what I said to DS.

I told DH that I will not feel uncomfortable in my own house etc etc but he doesn't agree with me.

So - I am asking you mums netters if you think I was out of order or not.

Yes you are being unreasonable
No you are not being unreasonable

OP posts:
Original poster
BBCONEANDTWO · 27/02/2021 18:23

Sorry - that should say

Yes - you are being unreasonable and are bad tempered
No - you are not being unreasonable and your DS/DH are in the wrong

OP posts:
mbosnz · 27/02/2021 18:24

I think it was very healthy for DS to good a jolly good dose of home truth.

Ikora · 27/02/2021 18:25

You are not even a tiny bit unreasonable.

What do these two do domestic wise?

Plump82 · 27/02/2021 18:25

Your son needs to treat you with a bit of respect. If he's that bothered about the noise, he can find himself somewhere else to live. He's clearly picked up his attitude from his dad as he should have been more supportive of you.
Or how about your son does the house work mid week so you can have the weekends to yourself?

WhatWouldPhyllisCraneDo · 27/02/2021 18:25

Perhaps he could get his grown up arse out of bed and help. Then it wouldn't take as long and you wouldn't be disturbing him.

MaudTheInvincible · 27/02/2021 18:26

Yanbu in the least

Mistystar99 · 27/02/2021 18:27

High time your grown up son leaves the nest!

WorraLiberty · 27/02/2021 18:27

YANBU

But why are you doing so much housework when you're not the only one who lives there?

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 27/02/2021 18:27

Does DS contribute to either financially or to the housework?

ineedaholidaynow · 27/02/2021 18:28

Does anyone else in the house contribute either financially or chore wise? Why do you have to spend the weekend cleaning, ironing etc when there are other adults in the house?

FeckinCat · 27/02/2021 18:28

The only thing that was possibly unreasonable was not giving him that speech the very first time he complained about you cleaning.

My 21yr-old would have been handed the hoover, mop, and cleaning supplies and told to get on and do the rest of the cleaning. Your DS got off very lightly indeed!

midgedude · 27/02/2021 18:29

Yabu, you are being far too soft on the pair of them

Tell him you will make a deal , you will be totally quiet on a Saturday if he had the house properly clean when you go to bed on Friday night

Suzi888 · 27/02/2021 18:30

“DH said that it was a nasty thing to say about paying the mortgage” no, that’s just the truth. DS needs to either shift his butt and help you or get some noise cancelling headphones (if your feeling generous!) Maybe it’s time DS looks for his own place!
Who are the 7%? Come on, explain your reasoning! Grin

sadie9 · 27/02/2021 18:31

Does your son do any housework? You are entitled to do as you please in your own house.
I don't think you are being unreasonable, what other time could you do it? It sounds like you enjoy doing the housework and its more like a hobby for you.
Tell your son to put in earplugs or listen to music. Just how much noise could you possibly be making?

Whooptydooperbounce · 27/02/2021 18:31

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OliverBabish · 27/02/2021 18:32

Time for your son to find his own place - and respect for his mum

DIshedUp · 27/02/2021 18:32

Unless you were cleaning at 3am they are both being massively unreasonable. How much cleaning is the DS doing? How much rent is he paying?

Mischance · 27/02/2021 18:32

He's 21 and still living at home - if he doesn't like the sound of you cleaning then he can do it himself. Ditto your OH.

Hankunamatata · 27/02/2021 18:32

Unless your obsessively cleaning then yanbu

Whooptydooperbounce · 27/02/2021 18:33

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FoffeeCoffee · 27/02/2021 18:34

Aw the poor men. Your housework is disturbing him!

Fucking hell I am fed up to the back teeth with men today.

ThewhoamIquestion · 27/02/2021 18:34

My DS (17) tried to tell me what I should and shouldn't be doing in my own home. I told him to sod off if he didn't like it, he can find somewhere else and pay for it. Soon shut him up.

ohsheglows · 27/02/2021 18:35

Oh my gosh, my 21 year old self who still lived with my mum at that age would not have dared to say anything like that to my mum. My mum never asked for any rent or money towards upkeep of the house, however I did help out with a few of the chores.

You are completely not being unreasonable!

DaphneDuBois · 27/02/2021 18:35

‘How dare he?!’ is my contribution to this thread!

CodenameVillanelle · 27/02/2021 18:35

I think your DS sounds like a spoilt shit and your DH is probably the reason why

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