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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have I gone too far with my son?

456 replies

BBCONEANDTWO · 27/02/2021 18:22

I work FT and at weekends do the cleaning, ironing, dusting etc. I have a son and daughter and my son still lives at home (he's 21). Last weekend he came down from his room and had a go at me for cleaning and that he can hear every step I take and it's annoying etc etc. I explained I only have the weekends to clean and I was sorry but needed to get on top of things.

Today - he came down from his room again complaining about me walking about (OK I do tend to clean one room, have a rest, do ironing, have a rest and a cuppa etc). It was how he said it to me that I don't need to clean all the time the house is immaculate (I do tend to try and keep on top of things during the week). I lost it. I told him not to tell me that I shouldn't be doing my housework, cooking etc and that I paid the mortgage and had every right to do what I wanted at the weekend.

Fast forward to tea time - DH said that it was a nasty thing to say about paying the mortgage and I had been in a bad mood all day and it wasn't fair what I said to DS.

I told DH that I will not feel uncomfortable in my own house etc etc but he doesn't agree with me.

So - I am asking you mums netters if you think I was out of order or not.

Yes you are being unreasonable
No you are not being unreasonable

OP posts:
Original poster
BBCONEANDTWO · 27/02/2021 18:36

I don't do the housework first thing - this was today at 11am but he was up I heard him.

I kind of knew I wasn't being unreasonable but it's good to get it confirmed! Thanks guys.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 27/02/2021 18:36

Your husband and son are pathetic. If your son doesn't like it, he knows where the door is.

BTW, why aren't they doing housework?

ineedaholidaynow · 27/02/2021 18:37

So does your DH or DS do anything round the house? Who is cooking dinner tonight?

GreenSlide · 27/02/2021 18:38

YANBU I would be furious. I'd be up at 5am tomorrow hoovering the skirting boards outside his bedroom!

JackieWeaverFever · 27/02/2021 18:39

Fucking outrageous.

Both your 'D'S and 'D'H are out of order. And neither are dear... both are dickheads though.

bookworm34 · 27/02/2021 18:40

No you're not being unreasonable in the slightest. If he doesn't like it why doesn't he move out? What does he do all day? Confused

isseys4xmastinselcats · 27/02/2021 18:40

my sons would have been given a suitcase and told to go and find the facilities they get at home for talking to me like that and at 21 why is he and your OH not helping you with housework being as you work full time Dh shouled be backing you up not your son

ItsJackieWeaverBitch · 27/02/2021 18:41

Your son is being a cheeky twat and needs to stop whinging or fuck off. Your husband is pathetic- honestly how is it “nasty” to remind your entitled tool of a son that it’s your house, you pay the mortgage and you’ll clean it when you want to?

PumpkinPie2016 · 27/02/2021 18:41

YANBU! Who the hell does your son think he is, speaking to his mother in that manner Angry

Your DH is as bad for not supporting you. It wasn't 'nasty' to say what you did - your DS needs to land back in the real world and realise how lucky he is.

If he doesn't like the arrangements, he can always go and live elsewhere.

TheCatWithTheFluffyTail · 27/02/2021 18:41

I don’t see any excuse for your son to be rude to you or for you to lose it with him but I am baffled why you need to spend every single weekend doing housework when you keep on top of things during the week. Is your DS right about it being immaculate and does your cleaning go beyond what is healthy (you losing it suggests you have quite strong feelings towards it being done, which is why I ask)? I don’t see why your DH and DS aren’t doing their share of the housework either.

We have a big house, the cleaner comes once a week for two hours, we keep on top of things during the week, and as a result enjoy our weekends in a clean house.

Chloemol · 27/02/2021 18:42

YANBU but your husband certainly is

I would be having a conversation with the son, your house, your rules, and that as he is so concerned about noise at the weekend here is a list of things he to do

If he doesn’t like it he can find his own place

I would also be having a conversation with the husband, and be giving him a list of chores as well

Original poster
BBCONEANDTWO · 27/02/2021 18:42

During the week DH makes dinner. DS cleans his room and pays board each week and gets himself a sandwich or something at lunchtimes (he's furloughed).

I'm sitting here having a wine and enjoying myself in another room so don't even have to see them at the moment. I'm more pissed with DH - but he'll be sorry I can so do the 'silent treatment' when it is deserved.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 27/02/2021 18:42

The cheek of them both.

Your son sounds like a disrespectful brat and I sure as hell wouldn't put up with being spoken to like that.

Has he got his shit attitude from your husband.

Does your husband do anything.

I would withdraw ALL accommodations until I got a heartfelt apology.

Cheeky twits, the two of them.

Flowers
sunflowersandbuttercups · 27/02/2021 18:42

Tell him that if he contributed his share of the housework, you wouldn't need to disturb him by doing it at the weekends.

Fortheloveofgodwhy · 27/02/2021 18:42

YABU you should have told your son to bloody well get of his arse and clean the house himself!

LIZS · 27/02/2021 18:43

Just how little much housework does either dh or ds do? Yanbu to clean as and when it suits you or remind him that he needs to contribute.

DNAwrangler · 27/02/2021 18:44

On the face of it YADNBU.

Unless you’re about to tell us DS is an ER doctor working nights and your bashing his door with your Hoover...

Cam2020 · 27/02/2021 18:44

He could always, find somewhere else to live?

sirfredfredgeorge · 27/02/2021 18:45

The mortgage comment is unreasonable, just like it's unreasonable for a working spouse to say it to their partner. A family is a family, if you don't think of them as a family member, draw up a contract like you would any other lodger.

The actual complaint from the son was unreasonable though.

Babymamaroon · 27/02/2021 18:45

YANBU at all!

At 21 he is more than old enough to contribute to the household.

I would say that you've reflected on the morning's argument and here's a list of chores you and DH expect done every week.

inmyslippers · 27/02/2021 18:45

I can't help but think that there is more to this

ineedaholidaynow · 27/02/2021 18:46

If he is furloughed can’t he clean more of the house not just his room?

TheSandman · 27/02/2021 18:48

@CodenameVillanelle

I think your DS sounds like a spoilt shit and your DH is probably the reason why
Yep This.

Please tell me man child does his own laundry.

Octane · 27/02/2021 18:48

It's rare to see a YABU poll this one-sided, OP. I think that says a lot. I don't think you were anywhere close to "going too far".

showgirl63 · 27/02/2021 18:50

My DS is 21 and I work FT so similar position- he avoids coming out of his room if he hears housework as he knows he will be expected to help! To be fair to him, I've been spring cleaning today's so he has filled his car and gone to the dump twice for me. He understands it's part of living together. Sounds like your DS needs to be sat down for a chat!