Have I gone too far with my son?

[BBCONEANDTWO]

I work FT and at weekends do the cleaning, ironing, dusting etc. I have a son and daughter and my son still lives at home (he's 21). Last weekend he came down from his room and had a go at me for cleaning and that he can hear every step I take and it's annoying etc etc. I explained I only have the weekends to clean and I was sorry but needed to get on top of things.

Today - he came down from his room again complaining about me walking about (OK I do tend to clean one room, have a rest, do ironing, have a rest and a cuppa etc). It was how he said it to me that I don't need to clean all the time the house is immaculate (I do tend to try and keep on top of things during the week). I lost it. I told him not to tell me that I shouldn't be doing my housework, cooking etc and that I paid the mortgage and had every right to do what I wanted at the weekend.

Fast forward to tea time - DH said that it was a nasty thing to say about paying the mortgage and I had been in a bad mood all day and it wasn't fair what I said to DS.

I told DH that I will not feel uncomfortable in my own house etc etc but he doesn't agree with me.

So - I am asking you mums netters if you think I was out of order or not.

Yes you are being unreasonable
No you are not being unreasonable

[lazylump72]

Good for you OP I would have said and reacted just the same.You are so not being unreasonable.

[houselikeashed]

Maybe DS could pay for a cleaner to come in during the weekday??

[2bazookas]

Your idle entitled son should be helping with domestic chores . Give him the vacuum cleaner and tell him to get to it. While he's doing that you can sit down with a cuppa and work out how much to charge him for bed and board.

[Fleapit]

If he doesn’t like your cleaning schedule he should feel absolutely free to pre-empt you by cleaning to his own timetable.

And honestly, this is why no one should live at home after their schooldays end.

[BBCONEANDTWO]

I don't mind cleaning at the weekend at the moment life is boring for all of us and it does give me a sense of achievement when I can sit int he afternoon and relax. My DS said I should go for a walk rather than fidgeting down stairs. I get that it must be a bit irritating but as I said I did shout and lost it a bit which is really unlike me. I'm feeling annoyed more with DH now but then again with DS too. DH does a lot during the week and is really good at DIY and gardening, taking bins out etc although his cleaning is not to my high standards but he'll do washing and put stuff on the line (but why is that like well done, well done - is it 'cos he's a man? hmm).

I really appreciate you all getting back and confirming my own opinion on this.

[arethereanyleftatall]

I'll accept I'm overinvested as bored; but for fucks sake - get a back bone!!! 'You accept your cleaning the shared house is itritating' - listen to what youve just written op!! Stop being so passive. Or carry on being, and continue to be treated with no respect.

[JennieLee]

I grew up with mother who was obsessional about housework. (I have vivid memories of trying to revise for exams while she crashed around cleaning things that were clean already. She's very heavy footed and heavy handed and our modern house had paper thing walls..)

I know that many Mumsnetters like everything, clean and tidy in its place. They can't relax if things aren't just so.

But I suppose there's a question of when a young person, if adult, has some input into arrangements. They might be paying a reasonable rent. They may be working hard during the week.

Suppose two out of three adults in a house would be quite happy with a slightly more relaxed standard of cleanliness, but one person likes everything just so?

It could be a simple as saying that Saturday mornings and/or Sunday afternoons can be 'lazy times'. But for that to happen, then the person who values lazy times has to do a certain amount of general hoovering and tidying at some other point during the week.

[GabsAlot]

so hes doing nothing right now and is annoyrd youre cleaning your own house

hes a rude brat

[TatianaBis]

If DS thinks the staff are too noisy at this hotel he can find another 🤷🏼‍♀️

[SpeakingFranglais]

If your DH and DS want the domestic to work outside normal hours I suggest they pay for an OOH service. Cheeky, entitled fuckers.

[BBCONEANDTWO]

I think it's because I'm heavy footed rather than the cleaning actually - now I remember he mentioned that. So for example I am a fidget in that I will start watching something then go make a cup of tea or remember I need to charge my phone or something. I do go to the bathroom a lot as I have a weak bladder so you could be talking 10 times a day for that. We have wooden flooring and there's no way I'm going back to carpet. I just wear sox though not shoes.

[ktp100]

Your DH & DS are being very unreasonable.

You're cleaning, ffs! And after a week at work!!

I'd be telling them to cook their own dinners tonight, cheeky sods.

[EL8888]

If doesn't like it then he can move out. Your house = your rules. 11am isn't even that early l don't think. If he has been on furlough then it's hardly as if he has been busy at work all week. I personally would have gone way further with him

[arethereanyleftatall]

Please op. Stop blaming yourself for everything. Please.

[Eslteacher06]

My mum once stopped all housework for 6 months or at least the stuff that would affect my dad. He had his tail between his legs.

You need to get your son responsible for doing stuff, even if you like doing it.

[percheron67]

He sounds like a complete horror!! I think it is time for him to live on his own and realise how hard life can be.

[Bilgepumper]

at weekends do the cleaning, ironing, dusting etc

What do the other occupants of the house do?

[lottiegarbanzo]

Jesus Christ! How dare you move around in your own home??!! He's treating you like a chambermaid.

Your DH should be down on your DS like a tonne of bricks for his disrespect and the very idea that he can tell you what to do and when.

Time for his little lordship to move out and find his own place to clean.

[Tal45]

Tell him to bleddy well get some headphones on to block it out or help you and it'll take half the time.

[ineedaholidaynow]

If he doesn't like the noise he can wear headphones or move out. Does he do anything for anyone else in the house (I notice he cleans his room and makes his lunch) does he make lunch for anyone else at the same time for example? Is he just very self centred?

[Bilgepumper]

I think it's because I'm heavy footed rather than the cleaning actually

You can stomp about, crash pans, slam doors, play loud music, shout, sing, whatever you like BECAUSE IT'S YOUR HOUSE.

[DenisetheMenace]

The male apple hasn’t fallen far from the male tree, has it?

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

@mbosnz

I think it was very healthy for DS to good a jolly good dose of home truth.

The only thing you are doing which is unreasonable is taking on the responsibility of all the housework yourself.

Tell those lazy articles to shift their idle backsides and take on a few household jobs themselves.

If your DS doesn't like it, then he can find himself somewhere else to live.

[Fridainexile]

Yadnbu

[BewareTheBeardedDragon]

Your DS is old enough to move out if he doesn't like it at your place. He should be bloody grateful that you are keeping the place nice and offering to help, not complaining. You DH is being utterly unreasonable and needs to back you up, and also pull his weight.
You are not being at all, in any way shape or form, unreasonable. (Though I wouldn't recommend the silent treatment - that is immature. Coldly polite is fine and retains the moral high ground )