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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take a platonic cuddle friend

181 replies

HelenaWise · 27/02/2021 01:48

My DH is a lovely man and we have a great relationship, he's great with the kids, etc. etc. The only issue is his lack of physical affection. He's always complimenting me and saying he loves me and that I look wonderful, but he just won't touch me. He's always been like this - it's just who he is. This was fine for the first few years but now I'm really starting to crave some human contact Sad We discussed this a number of times, and he says he'll do more but never does for more than a day or two. It just doesn't seem to be possible.

It's gotten so bad that I've started to think about asking my NDN for a cuddle. We're on good terms and I'm not attracted to him AT ALL but he just looks like he'd give really good cuddles. DH is fine with this in principle (we're not in UK so no covid concern), but he's worried that NDN's wife will flip if I bring this up and ruin our friendship. I didn't think this would be a big deal since we get along so well, but DH is making me think I'm a bit of a freak.

OP posts:
Alexindiamondarmour · 27/02/2021 01:50

I’m sorry your DH doesn’t give you physical affection. But if my DH was randomly cuddling our next door neighbor I wouldn’t be happy.

TheresAnEyeInMeSoup · 27/02/2021 01:52

It's a bit weird. Would a pet be a good substitute? Confused

Redglitter · 27/02/2021 01:54

You can't go around asking folk for a cuddle - aside from the whole covid aspect just now - it's just too weird

Redglitter · 27/02/2021 01:56

Just realised you said there's no covid concern but still too weird

Moelwynbach · 27/02/2021 02:19

If my husband was cuddling the NDN as a cuddle friend id think he had flipped.

Scarlettpixie · 27/02/2021 02:27

To weird. If my NDN had asked my (ex) DH for a cuddle I would not have been happy! He would also probably have thought it was weird and/or likely would have read more into it, a recipe for disaster.

You need to find ways to add a little more physical contact in your marriage. Can’t your DH take a cue that if you sit with him on the sofa you want a cuddle even if he doesn’t think to instigate it?

IsIgnoranceBliss · 27/02/2021 02:28

I’m guessing this is a joke thread. But in case you mean it, you need to work on your boundaries. And your marriage.

As you are not asking your female neighbour or any female friends for a cuddle, it sounds like you have a crush on the NDN and are using this as an excuse to be physically intimate with him.

Your poor neighbours - living next to the weird swingers.

Wandavision · 27/02/2021 02:38

Yes, yes sounds very plausible... Please do let us know how that works out for you 😂

lunarlife · 27/02/2021 02:49

Get a pet OP.
A dog or the right cat will fill this void.
Your next door neighbor not so much.

JingsMahBucket · 27/02/2021 03:00

Instead of asking the neighbour, I’d look for someone neither of you know. There are professional cuddlers who actually do this as a service.

TheresHope · 27/02/2021 04:12

His wife will think you’re an absolute crackpot and I wouldn’t blame her one bit.

Fleapit · 27/02/2021 07:55

Ask the NDN’s wife for a cuddle?

BrumBoo · 27/02/2021 08:00

Even for MN this is bizarre. May I suggest one of these...

www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/uk/pokemon-snorlax-bean-bag-chair/

Nutrigrainygoodness · 27/02/2021 08:02

DW is very anti hug at the moment, not sure why, so I know how you feel. Pre covid times, I hugged loads of work mates (not in a weird way, we just hug in the morningvwhen we get in) . Now I'm stuck hugging the cat or dd.

lioncitygirl · 27/02/2021 08:11

Sorry - you’re just going to waltz on by next door and say to neighbour - hey buddy, could you just hug me please? 😳

WaterBottle123 · 27/02/2021 08:13

So you live in a COVID free country?

ShutUpAlex · 27/02/2021 08:16

Just ask your husband surely?! If he’s not much of a cuddled just say “I need a cuddle for a minute!”

It’s not going to kill him is it? You’re his wife. Presuming he’s comfortable enough with touch to put his penis in you.

MrBullinaChinaShop · 27/02/2021 08:17

Fucking weird.

WonkyCactus · 27/02/2021 08:18

That would be an extremely weird thing to do. How do you know the neighbour is even a hugger? He might hate cuddles too.

MrBullinaChinaShop · 27/02/2021 08:18

@WaterBottle123

So you live in a COVID free country?
There are lots of countries with no social distancing rules due to Covid.
Sonicbloom · 27/02/2021 08:19

Get a boyfriend arm pillow from Amazon

Sonicbloom · 27/02/2021 08:21

Or you can hire a professional hugger ! Or become one yourself - they earn like70 quid an hour

SD1978 · 27/02/2021 08:22

Buy a body pillow.

ElizaLaLa · 27/02/2021 08:22

A cup-a-soup is hug in a mug, isn't it?

Just cuddle your DH yourself. Who on earth would think to cuddle their neighbour befor instigating it with their DH first?

MMMarmite · 27/02/2021 08:23

I'd hate to live without cuddles. But definitely agree that NDN wife might find it very weird. Proceed with caution, maybe a bit further afield?