To take a platonic cuddle friend

[HelenaWise]

My DH is a lovely man and we have a great relationship, he's great with the kids, etc. etc. The only issue is his lack of physical affection. He's always complimenting me and saying he loves me and that I look wonderful, but he just won't touch me. He's always been like this - it's just who he is. This was fine for the first few years but now I'm really starting to crave some human contact We discussed this a number of times, and he says he'll do more but never does for more than a day or two. It just doesn't seem to be possible.

It's gotten so bad that I've started to think about asking my NDN for a cuddle. We're on good terms and I'm not attracted to him AT ALL but he just looks like he'd give really good cuddles. DH is fine with this in principle (we're not in UK so no covid concern), but he's worried that NDN's wife will flip if I bring this up and ruin our friendship. I didn't think this would be a big deal since we get along so well, but DH is making me think I'm a bit of a freak.

I could almost imagine a close friend of mine saying ok to a quick hug now and again and his wife almost being ok with it.

It sounds like you’re looking for a lengthy snuggle sesh!

I had a “cuddle friend” when I was in my 20s and living with my then boyfriend.

I’ve now been married to my “cuddle friend” for over a decade.

All the nope.

How long do you want the man next door to cuddle you for? More than the 2 minutes your dh would? aren’t you worried that him and his wife will think you are being really strange? What’s a normal neighbourly intimacy? I don’t think I’ve ever actually touched my neighbours and we all get on very well!

Based on your recent posts, I really think you should try hiring a professional cuddler / hugger @HelenaWise. Just try it once or twice. Think of it like therapist sessions. Try it a few times to see if it agrees with you and then assess if you want to engage with it longer.

I'm not interested in cuddling an animal, or a woman, or stranger

Then this isn’t about a platonic cuddle is it? You have feelings for him, and are either in denial or pretending to be!

Really wierd!

It won't hurt your husband to do this one thing for you occasionally. Sure he mingt not be thrilled with the prospect of a cuddle but it really won't harm him.

I don't like watching the Madalorian.... But it make my husband happy to watch it together and it doesn't harm me so I just deal with it for 40 min-I don't see the difference tbh!

@Goatinthegarden

By the by, If I said to my DH "can we cuddle?", he would do so for two minutes then disengage. Doing this repeatedly of an evening is not really on message.

And you expect that the man next door would be up for cuddling you for more than 2minutes before disengaging?!?!

This.

And people questioned the phrase 'neighbourly intimacies' because it isn't a normal way to describe being friendly with your neighbours and seeing them in person. That's just... getting on with your neighbours / being friendly / being mates with them.

The phrase 'neighbourly intimacies' is what people picked up on because it is a very odd description!

If a neighbour of yours wanted to have cuddles with a partner of yours, would you really not think it was strange, unsettling and awkward?

You say your husband would just give you a two minute hug then disengage. What are you wanting from your neighbour? To sit and watch a film with him cuddling the whole time while his wife is on the sofa next to you both?

If it's a platonic hug you want, why not ask the female neighbour? Or a female mate?

Bottom line is that what you’re asking for is too much to ask from a neighbour/friend. It’s too intimate and I would not be happy if I was married and any female wanted long cuddle sessions with my DH. A quick hug, fine, but seems like you want more than that if 2 minutes isn’t enough for you. How you can’t see your request as weird I do not know!

Yes your neighbour can say no - and when they do that will be the end of the friendship as they'll think it's bloody weird!

Don't understand why you can't initiate hugs with your DH as PPs have said ?

@HelenaWise

Jesus Christ. Neighbourly intimacies means the regular business of enjoying an amicable but physical relationship with your neighbours. Looking after kids, sharing social occasions etc. Why would I progress from a cheeky BJ in the garage to cuddling?

As for timing, we're all adults. Doesn't everyone schedule meetings across competing schedules?

By the by, If I said to my DH "can we cuddle?", he would do so for two minutes then disengage. Doing this repeatedly of an evening is not really on message.

I just read this properly. Progressing from a cheeky BJ... 😂

I'm not interested in cuddling an animal, or a woman, or stranger

So you want cuddles with a man and probaly that man in particular? That doesn't sound totally platonic. If it was, why would you not want hugs from a woman? Even if it is platonic from your side, you have to realise that this comes across as dodgy.

Whaaaaaaa
No you really can’t do this. Bless you, you sound like you need some attention but this is absolutely not the way to go about it.

One of the stranger threads I've read on here... I'd be really freaked out if my neighbour seriously suggested this.

Don't do it. It's insane. You and your husband need to be honest with yourselves about your issues and sort them out between yourselves. Maybe one or both of you need therapy together or separately. Don't bring your married neighbour and his wife into your marriage.

Or alternatively, do it but "go big or go home", you know? Start swinging. I've never done it and don't want to but I know people who seem to make it work (though not with their next door neighbours to be fair).

Either way, let us know how it turns out. Maybe do a podcast about it.

😂 OP! I am sorry but you cannot make your NDN your cuddle partner - yes his wife would object.

It doesn’t sound like your husband doesn’t like physical contact once it’s happening, so you just need to instigate a twice daily hug.

@HelenaWise

Okay, I am in Australia, so to be clear there is no issue regarding social distancing.

Thanks for the replies. I'm not interested in cuddling an animal, or a woman, or stranger - these aren't things that I ever really wanted in my life... NDN and our family have a long history of sharing various neighbourly intimacies, so I assumed this would be kind of a natural progression. We're all very close and already fairly free with physical affection. If he and/or she isn't into it they can just say no

What ‘neighbourly intimacies’?!

Ok this is getting really weird OP - if it’s specifically a hug from a man you need then it’s sexual, at least to an extent. Sort it out with your husband, otherwise we’ll have Mrs NDN on here next.

And I thought my neighbours were weird. You sound berserk.

this is a fetish thread and should be pulled

Have you tried initiating cuddles ? Maybe he just needs to get used to it if it doesn't come naturally to him x

Omg you are being so unreasonable on so many levels I don't even know where to start

Hahaha. Yeah. No.

Thought this thread would have been pulled by now. If this thread is real, OP, you are totally and utterly barking.

@HelenaWise

Jesus Christ. Neighbourly intimacies means the regular business of enjoying an amicable but physical relationship with your neighbours. Looking after kids, sharing social occasions etc. Why would I progress from a cheeky BJ in the garage to cuddling?

As for timing, we're all adults. Doesn't everyone schedule meetings across competing schedules?

By the by, If I said to my DH "can we cuddle?", he would do so for two minutes then disengage. Doing this repeatedly of an evening is not really on message.

So this IS a pisstake then.

If on the off chance that it isn't, I suspect OP wants to cuddle the male neighbour to make her DH jealous.

@lighteincastlewindow

this is a fetish thread and should be pulled

Why?

I'm not interested in cuddling an animal, or a woman, or stranger is a very telling statement.

If it was ‘just’ cuddles & platonic ones as you seem to be claiming then any of the above would do. But you want it to be a man & specifically the man next door...& you’ve somehow convinced yourself that you’d be morally fine to ‘cuddle’ the man next door if your DH & NDNs wife, and presumably NDN all consent to this very, very weird arrangement!?

I’m not buying it all all, if this is real and you’ve already taken the step of somehow convincing your DH that it isn’t a spectacularly bizarre and awkward thing to ask your neighbours, then step back and listen to your DH before you go & ruin a friendship.

Not only will it make the wife deeply suspicious and, at best, pity you it’ll make the poor bloke want to dive behind the bins every time he sees you in case you decide to mount him & hump his leg!

Basically I’d assume you’ve very clearly got a massive crush on your NDN, it’s a bit embarrassing for everyone, far more obvious than you realise and if you do nothing it’ll probably subside. By ‘he looks like he’d give good cuddles’ pretty much everyone will assume you mean ‘I’ve been fantasising about him and I’ve come up with a cunning plan’ (it’s not cunning btw, it’s batshit!)

But top marks, if genuine, for the most convoluted attempt to try and get into someones pants that I’ve read on here for a while!! Don’t do it though OP, I’m cringing for you already...SO awkward & desperate, they’d probably laugh about it for years to come but avoid you like the plague forevermore, I know I would!