To not transfer my savings to DP

[Calty123]

So my partner and I have been together for 4 years. Neither of us had any savings when we first got together. We agreed we wanted to start saving at the same time and built up around 3k each - he then lost his job, didn’t put any effort into finding a new one for about 4 months and spent all of his savings. Fast forward to now he has around 2k maybe and I have around 10k. I was made redundant and then got pregnant so my only income is now maternity allowance of around £600 a month. He still earns about 2k a month.

DP thinks I should transfer him some of my savings (we do have a joint account but both have separate accounts for savings) and then he would be happy to put his wage into the joint account every month for me to use for food and baby, rather than at the moment I spend all my maternity allowance on food/baby/rent and he doesn’t really contribute that much. He will give me £30 for food here and there if I say I’ve not got anything left for the month but he doesn’t give me his card to go to the shop and it’s always me that goes so I end up paying. If I’m ordering things online for baby he does sometimes pay.

His reasoning is that if I decide to leave him then I’ve still got all my savings and he will still only have 2k as we will have spent his wage every month.
We’re waiting for our house to be finished so only pay very minimal bills to my parents currently and both pay for our own cars, phones etc but when we move out in the next month or so he will pay majority household bills.

Would you transfer some of your savings?
YABU - yes
YANBU - no

A lot of things about this arrangement needs changing, and quick OP.

A takeaway here and there isn't going to cut it

Another vote for massive cocklodger!

You both live with your parents.

What on earth does he spend his wages on?

I bet he does! Then he will jack his job in. Do not do this and think about ending things.

Like the other 178 people before me, I'm thinking WTAF???

Why would you even consider this? It's like one of those scams where they say, send us £19.99 and we will transfer your prize money of £1000!

Yeah right. He's going to help you more once you've given him loads of money. I don't think so.

It sounds mad. He wants you to transfer savings so you don't leave him are you sure he’s not massively run up debts he’s hiding from you?

He wants to leave you. Do it to him before he does it to you.

Have you bought a house together?
Is the purchase finalised yet?

Do not go through with it.

Don’t stay with a man who will only contribute to his OWN living expenses if you pay him £10,000!

Also, buying the occasional take-away is the least you can do when you’re a houseguest, it’s not a real contribution.

What an awful reason to ask. I'd get it if pooling and dividing savings got you better interest, but unlikely given the levels you have.

Quite honestly I'd dump him now. This will end in tears.

It's not just the savings though, even if there aren't a lot of expenses atm, you should each have equal "spare" cash each month. Your income is reduced because you've had his baby, he should be supporting you both. Why on earth are you paying for all the food shopping?

If everything else was equal, I might agree with him that savings should be in joint names, but you're such a long way from that.

It wasn't a wise decision to have a baby with him. You have a good amount of savings, you built them up, you aren't married so I would be keeping them far away from him. I also wouldn't be moving in with him either. When two people have quite different views on money it is very hard to make a relationship work.

He isn’t usually tight, he will pay for takeaways and treat my family too, sometimes fills my car up and was generous on my birthday and Christmas etc but he’s being odd about this.

He is generous about spending he gets praised for. Doesnt want to spend on necessities. He sounds very selfish.

The phrase cocklodger springs to mind.

What happened when he was out of work, did you support him financially?

Please don’t have more children with this guy. He pays for his own food and bills and half of the baby’s costs. You cover your own personal costs and half of the baby

The maths dont add up.
You pay for food, bills, baby from £600
He pays for treats from £2K
Yet you have 10K savings and he has 2K
He is either lying about his savings or has got some serious debts.

You would be better off without him -look at what benefits you could get .

He’s only able to “treat” you to takeaways / shower you in gifts because he’s got spare money lying around after absolving himself of all the normal day to day expenses of running a house and caring for a child!

Why is the thought of splitting up even in his mind with his new baby here? You should be working as a team. He’s thinking about himself, looking out for himself. Be careful op

Go back to work asap and never give up your financial independence for this cocklodger.

@7yo7yo

Please tell me your not buying with him!

THIS.

Why isn't he contributing to his own child?

He buys takeaway sometimes? And you think this is him being generous? I'm actually gobsmacked, your bar for decent behaviour is on the floor. Your parents are providing free / cheap accommodation, a few takeaways is the absolute bare minimum he could do. My rent money would buy me 38 takeaways a month. Is he buying anything even close to that?

Don't send him your savings, tell him he has to transfer you £XXX amount a month for the baby's costs and don't move in with him. He's going to bleed you dry and when you have no savings, no job and are stuck in a rented house with him, he'll really put the thumbscrews on you.

@Dddccc

Hold on he pays all the bills but food and nappies and you are complaining sorry but why should he pay 100% of everything and have no money left to save and you sit on 10k seems all very one sided

How on earth did you read what the op wrote and come up with that?

They live with her parents.
They (note she said they, not he) pay "minimal bills"

He doesn't contribute to anything for his child - "at the moment I spend all my maternity allowance on food/baby/rent and he doesn’t really contribute that much. He will give me £30 for food here and there if I say I’ve not got anything left for the month" hey, hang on, she said rent. They live with her parents and pay minimal bills. Would that be the rent that she lists here as him not paying?

When they move into their own home, she has the promise of him then paying "majority" of bills. Not all. Majority.

Which is perfectly fair considering he brings £2000 and she £600.

He crapped away his savings. Pays fuck all currently. Claims he will in the future pay an amount that reflects his larger income and you come back with he pays all the bills, why should you have savings, it's very one sided.

Err - WTF?!

Your partner is a twat, so no you need your savings.

It doesn't sound like the pair of you are going to last, so I wouldn't bother having the argument about putting both your incomes into a joint account. Just tell him he needs to put in a % contribution each month according to his income as compared to yours.

If he doesn't do this then... why are you even with him?! I am seriously puzzled.

This is why DH haha no idea how much I have in savings. He thinks it’s 5 figures, it’s actually 6 figures.