To not transfer my savings to DP

[Calty123]

So my partner and I have been together for 4 years. Neither of us had any savings when we first got together. We agreed we wanted to start saving at the same time and built up around 3k each - he then lost his job, didn’t put any effort into finding a new one for about 4 months and spent all of his savings. Fast forward to now he has around 2k maybe and I have around 10k. I was made redundant and then got pregnant so my only income is now maternity allowance of around £600 a month. He still earns about 2k a month.

DP thinks I should transfer him some of my savings (we do have a joint account but both have separate accounts for savings) and then he would be happy to put his wage into the joint account every month for me to use for food and baby, rather than at the moment I spend all my maternity allowance on food/baby/rent and he doesn’t really contribute that much. He will give me £30 for food here and there if I say I’ve not got anything left for the month but he doesn’t give me his card to go to the shop and it’s always me that goes so I end up paying. If I’m ordering things online for baby he does sometimes pay.

His reasoning is that if I decide to leave him then I’ve still got all my savings and he will still only have 2k as we will have spent his wage every month.
We’re waiting for our house to be finished so only pay very minimal bills to my parents currently and both pay for our own cars, phones etc but when we move out in the next month or so he will pay majority household bills.

Would you transfer some of your savings?
YABU - yes
YANBU - no

[Sumwin1]

Sorry OP. You may be rather naive as was I when I just had DS.

Your partner earns 2k a month and your baby hasn’t got the next size up in clothes yet

Do you plan on going back to work? Just a thought to say make sure he contributes to nursery/childcare if so. Also agree with @Wolfiefan

[HTH1]

What a catch!

[Sumwin1]

@starfishmummy

Lol, if this was the other way round everyone would be saying that all money is family money an of course he should be sharing.

But YANBU to want to keep it safe.

OP probably saved for something or a rainy day. It has obviously rained! OPs partner cannot be trusted if he’s asking for her savings why? He earns 2k can he not save £1000 at least? I wouldn’t be surprised if he has MORE savings than OP!

[Mwnci123]

He's awful.

[ChristmasAlone]

I hate the normal up in arms men are all useless wankers get your ducks in a row type on here, was fully expecting to get to the end and think yeah you're on maternity have large amounts of savings send a bit. However not a fing chance, tell him to jog on. If he's not contributing anything financially why should you send him anything.

[EKGEMS]

You are certifiable for staying in this relationship let alone to consider handing over any money

[Kimye4eva]

Nothing about any of this sounds like the two of you are a real partnership. Surely you should have pooled your savings from the start, and support each other through your periods of redundancy?

[DianaT1969]

Who will pay the rent and utilities? Who will pay for childcare when you go back to work?
Not him.
Stop the madness. You are in massive denial. Buying a few takeaways while living rent free with your parents does not make his demand for your savings ok.
You shouldn't be dating anyone if you think that this prince is a suitable partner to have a family with. He won't change. He'll get worse.

[FortniteBoysMum]

The child is his so half of everything child needs he should be paying as a minimum. I would also point out to him contributing to stuff now will stop you feeling like your better off as a single parent. As a single parent you would get more financial support that's without the 12%of his earnings after tax the cms would give you. He would still have all the same bills to pay then too.

[oil0W0lio]

I wonder what this chap would do if the tables were turned.....🤔

[iljatdip]

What the fuck am I reading here?
Get this cocklodging wanker to fuck immediately.

He's now earning 2K a month. You're on 600. You seem to be paying all bills and expenses, everything for the child and the food for everyone and this wanker is prancing around getting in a takeaway occasionally.
Get your standards out of the gutter and get rid of him. This is absolutely ludicrous.

Do not move in with him. He will just get worse. He'll "lose" his job again as soon as he can't be arsed to work. He'll have some kind of "mental health" issue which means he can't look for work either because he's "too depressed" and you'll be constantly stressed trying to pay all the rent and bills and everything your child needs.

Cocklodger.

[LemonSwan]

He lived basically rent free in your parents house when you were on mat leave and when his savings run out he got a job at 2k a month - has pissed it all away and now he wants your savings?!?

What is he even spending it on? Its lockdown. A few takeaways is not 2k. If hes the kind of idiot who leases an audi a3 or a BMW 1 series and has a £40 phone contract on a 2K income get out fast!

Honestly OP run. Fucking run!

[VettiyaIruken]

Give me your savings.
I will then give you back some of those savings every month and I will claim that this is my contribution to our expenses.

That I pay with your savings.

🤨 He must think you're stupid.

[DoubleTweenQueen]

I'm also wondering about his spending habits, if he has 2k per month but has not been able to save a hefty chunk of that - for your future together? Is he not good with money generally? Is it wise to move into a house with him?

[oil0W0lio]

He seems rather of the opinion that what's yours is his and what's his is his own 🤔

[DoubleTweenQueen]

Or - what's yours is his, and what's his, is spent?

[oil0W0lio]

It's like he won't invest anything in the relationship unless you put something up as security, he wants a down payment to act as an insurance policy against you leaving him (whilst he is already living rent free in your parents house🤨)
Or is it that he wants you to pay him a 'dowry' in return for him agreeing to be your partner?
It sounds as if he can't deal with the fact that you have more than he does and his impulse is to try and take some of it off you, chipping away with these convoluted 'reasons' to bring you back down to his level
I'm a bit confused to be honest 😶

[Five67Eight]

Honestly - nothing like coming on MN for my daily DH appreciation reminder.

[Teapot13]

If he wants you to contribute to household expenses while on maternity leave, he needs to pay for half the childcare, which I imagine you are now providing for free. See what it would cost for a nanny to do what you do and charge him half. That might give him some perspective.

[caringcarer]

He sounds a waste of space. Do not jeopardize your and baby's financial security. He has spent most of his own money now he wants to spend hours. Don't buy a house with.him, definitely don't marry him. He will.drag you down.

[ClarkeGriffin]

What is it with the shitty partner threads tonight? This is the third one.

Tell him to fuck off and either start contributing for his child properly, or he can go fuck himself and live elsewhere.

[Somethingkindaoooo]

Right
There is being genuinely generous
There is being a responsible grown up and paying your way ( and your chilrens way).

You cannot have #1 without being #2

#1 WITHOUT #2 is actually just being showoffy without any genuine substance

[Nanny0gg]

@Calty123

Well that was pretty unanimous!
Thanks ladies.
I hadn’t any real intention of doing it, I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t being harsh.
The house is only rented.
He isn’t usually tight, he will pay for takeaways and treat my family too, sometimes fills my car up and was generous on my birthday and Christmas etc but he’s being odd about this.
Baby is breastfed and we had a lot gifted to us when he was born and Christmas so his upkeep is reasonably cheap at the moment, but it is me that buys the nappies and little bits and bobs, mostly because I get them while I’m food shopping. We don’t have many clothes in his next size up so he will have to put his hand in his pocket then
I don’t think it is malicious on his part, I genuinely think he just thinks it would be fair. But yes I agree with you all and won’t be doing it.

Why on earth aren't you splitting the bills?

And in my world, with you on maternity, he should be paying the most

Why on earth are you with such an excuse for a partner/parent?

[LadyLolaRuben]

What the hell have I just read? OP do not give him YOUR savings. Split all joint bills including cost of child 50/50.
OP you know you're asking this question because you know the situation isn't right by any stretch of the imagination. So I hope this gives you the confidence to get him paying his fair share (without giving him any of your savings) and if he refuses LTB.

[alwayscrashinginthesamecar1]

Just when you think you've read it all on here, this genuinely made my jaw drop. Don't give him one penny, get back to work, and don't marry him. He isn't a keeper.