To not transfer my savings to DP

[Calty123]

So my partner and I have been together for 4 years. Neither of us had any savings when we first got together. We agreed we wanted to start saving at the same time and built up around 3k each - he then lost his job, didn’t put any effort into finding a new one for about 4 months and spent all of his savings. Fast forward to now he has around 2k maybe and I have around 10k. I was made redundant and then got pregnant so my only income is now maternity allowance of around £600 a month. He still earns about 2k a month.

DP thinks I should transfer him some of my savings (we do have a joint account but both have separate accounts for savings) and then he would be happy to put his wage into the joint account every month for me to use for food and baby, rather than at the moment I spend all my maternity allowance on food/baby/rent and he doesn’t really contribute that much. He will give me £30 for food here and there if I say I’ve not got anything left for the month but he doesn’t give me his card to go to the shop and it’s always me that goes so I end up paying. If I’m ordering things online for baby he does sometimes pay.

His reasoning is that if I decide to leave him then I’ve still got all my savings and he will still only have 2k as we will have spent his wage every month.
We’re waiting for our house to be finished so only pay very minimal bills to my parents currently and both pay for our own cars, phones etc but when we move out in the next month or so he will pay majority household bills.

Would you transfer some of your savings?
YABU - yes
YANBU - no

[SinkGirl]

I just find this so odd. Paying your share of the costs of a child according to your income (which should be 3x your share since his income is more than 3x yours) should have no caveats.

Do not have joint savings with him. Maintain your savings, and he can maintain his (which frankly he should have a lot more if you’re spending bugger all).

[ElizaLaLa]

If his money is yours, then yours is his, no?

[oil0W0lio]

The fact that you have to ask rather than instinctively knowing he is out of order suggest to me that he has been gaslighting you

[Bluntness100]

I can’t believe he asked you to give him your money fhen he would pay you it back monthly to care for the baby. That’s so so bad.

[MingeofDeath]

You do realise that you do not have a long term future with this man don't you?

[LittleOwl153]

So if you are covering all his livng costs and that of his child- whats he doing with his £2k each month? Why isn't he saving that?

[7yo7yo]

This would end my relationship.

[starfishmummy]

Lol, if this was the other way round everyone would be saying that all money is family money an of course he should be sharing.

But YANBU to want to keep it safe.

[SunshineCake]

No
No
No
No
No


Why the fuck should you and why are you letting him get away with not paying his fair share as a grown up? The child is his I presume ? Of course, he is the father. What a dick. This is all kind of wrong.

[adventurealice]

If married then yes because all money is family money. If not married then heck no, this is the whole difference between being married or not.

[Fromthegekko]

No. No. And No again.

[ButterfliesnWaterfalls]

No Don't give him your savings!

[Xmasbaby11]

Oh no OP, that isn't on. Children are an expense and not one you can opt out of. He needs to support you while you're off and his child. Make sure you have a good plan agreed for when you go back to work.

[youvegottenminuteslynn]

Sorry where is his salary going after minimal bills and not paying towards the baby's stuff in a meaningful way?

[SinkGirl]

@starfishmummy

Lol, if this was the other way round everyone would be saying that all money is family money an of course he should be sharing.

But YANBU to want to keep it safe.

You think a woman would ever refuse to pay for things the baby needs or split bills unless her boyfriend handed over a big chunk of his savings?

A woman doing that would be ripped to shreds on here.

[unim]

Honestly, I think you should leave him.

He can't save for your future together, and he doesn't think it's reasonable to contribute to essentials for the baby and food???! I honestly think you'd be better off on your own. At least he'd be obliged to pay child maintenance.

[GabsAlot]

weird setup-why is he waiting tgo put money into the joint account

why is it only happening if you give you saivings up

[clipcloptrop]

There's no smoke without fire @Calty123 I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him. Sorry!

[SpilltheTea]

He's not generous if he won't even pay for the basics. He deserves fuck all.

[rawalpindithelabrador]

Such a low bar.

[Geekydeaky]

I'm on maternity, it's not even half of my wage I get a month. My partner puts his full wage minus his bills into the joint account, I never have to ask for money and he would never expect me to give him my savings. I think you need a new partner.

[CrikeyPeg]

@WaterBottle123

Do not transfer your savings, do not marry him, do not get pregnant again and get back to work
ASAP.

@Calty123 this x a trazillion times

[lastqueenofscotland]

God he sounds like a waste of space

[VestaTilley]

Absolutely do not do this! Keep every penny of your money.

If he wants financial security he should marry you. But I’d be questioning a relationship with this man to be honest.

[Regularsizedrudy]

Fuck no.