To not transfer my savings to DP

[Calty123]

So my partner and I have been together for 4 years. Neither of us had any savings when we first got together. We agreed we wanted to start saving at the same time and built up around 3k each - he then lost his job, didn’t put any effort into finding a new one for about 4 months and spent all of his savings. Fast forward to now he has around 2k maybe and I have around 10k. I was made redundant and then got pregnant so my only income is now maternity allowance of around £600 a month. He still earns about 2k a month.

DP thinks I should transfer him some of my savings (we do have a joint account but both have separate accounts for savings) and then he would be happy to put his wage into the joint account every month for me to use for food and baby, rather than at the moment I spend all my maternity allowance on food/baby/rent and he doesn’t really contribute that much. He will give me £30 for food here and there if I say I’ve not got anything left for the month but he doesn’t give me his card to go to the shop and it’s always me that goes so I end up paying. If I’m ordering things online for baby he does sometimes pay.

His reasoning is that if I decide to leave him then I’ve still got all my savings and he will still only have 2k as we will have spent his wage every month.
We’re waiting for our house to be finished so only pay very minimal bills to my parents currently and both pay for our own cars, phones etc but when we move out in the next month or so he will pay majority household bills.

Would you transfer some of your savings?
YABU - yes
YANBU - no

[XingMing]

No. Don't do it.

[KnobJockey]

Clarify your plans for the new house before you move in. Otherwise it will end up being you getting screwed. Which, to be honest you are now. I bet this makes you really dislike him, I don't think I could physically bring myself to touch/ be with a man who I knew was making his own flesh and blood go without. Makes my skin crawl.

[NorthernBirdAtHeart]

Absolutely not. Proper cheeky fucker.

[ChronicallyCurious]

Wtf, don’t do it!

[frazzledasarock]

Do you own the house together or are you renting?

I wouldn’t transfer any savings, he spent his savings on pissing around, he could have rebuilt his savings but has chosen not to. What outgoings does he have that he’s unable to build up is own savings?

Dump him and apply for CMS. How are going to cope when living with him and he’s not paying for anything for your child?

[AllFrightOnTheNight]

If you can get out of moving in together, I would hold off for now. (eg you've not just brought a house or locked into a lease).
Do not give him any of your savings.

[Chloemol]

No I would not.
He chose to spend his instead of getting a job. Personally I think you should be paying bills proportionate to income, so he pays more. Why should you pay everything for the baby and food

[GettingItOutThere]

ermmmm no fucking way?!?!?


you would be insaine to do that!! very very stupid too!

[FlamingGalar]

What the fuck did I just read??? This guy is either really fucking thick (giving him the benefit of the doubt here!) or not a very nice person. Either way he’s not a great future prospect!!

He’s benefiting financially from living with your parents while asking you to transfer your savings to him, which he will then periodically feed back to you under the guise of him ‘supporting’ his family. Jesus wept.

[justamummydoingherbest]

No please don't give him your hard saved money ( I haven't read the whole thread)

[TooTrueToBeGood]

when we move out in the next month or so he will pay majority household bills.

I bet one way or another it doesn't work out like that. If he's had minimal expenses of late why doesn't he only have the equivalent of a month's wages saved? He's either telling you porkies or spunking money somewhere. You've picked a right one there lass.

[Rockdown2020]

BestZebbie

I don’t think he is worried about you leaving him - you’ve just got pregnant. I think he has recently hypothetically considered leaving you, but worked out that he won’t get half of your money (which he thinks of as joint, eg: fair game for him to allocate in his head),

^This. It’s hit the nail on the head. Don’t and rearrange the finances so he pays for his child seeing as he wants to know what’s fair.

[MammaSchwifty]

Jesus wept. Why are you paying for all your living expenses whilst on maternity leave with his child?

seems like she's paying all his expenses too, from her maternity allowance, while he takes home £2k per month. And if that were not enough, now he wants to dip his hand into her savings too. What a catch.

OP, if you give him anything, you will be the mug of the century.

Thank Christ you said DP and not DH. Massive red flags for actual and future financial abuse, I honestly think a man like this will bleed you dry in the long run - your money, your independence, and your confidence.

You'll be better off on benefits.

[Daphnise]

Never give this man your money.

If you do, please do not moan when you end up with nothing.

[Scottishskifun]

No, No and No!

He should be putting his share of money for joint things e.g food and baby into the joint account. As you currently have a income then you put in as well but based on ratio.

He needs to contribute to the cost of his family!

[NiceGerbil]

You should stay with your parents and he should go.

He's being totally out of order and things will not improve.

[Jeanswithanicetop]

and then he would be happy to put his wage into the joint account every month for me to use for food and baby

How generous His paying for his own kid is dependent on you making some of your savings accessible to him?

What does he spend on himself with his money?

[SixesAndEights]

Don't give him any of your money OP!!! You need to be spending less and him more, not losing all your money to a chancer who spends his own money and doesn't save.

You need to let him go to this house, and you stay where you are because you'll end up with nothing if the imbalance between you continues.

And get a job as soon as you can to get back on the ladder and be independent with your own income.

Oh, and ditch him when you've a mind to. He's a spendthrift who wants to spend your money too.

[DoubleTweenQueen]

Why does he want some of your savings? He doesn't need to spend it? What would be the point of it being in his account rather than yours? Is it in case you split? Not really a good basis for future family strength.

You're not married. Keep hold of your savings.

My DH and I have separate savings but as we're married it's all 'ours', legally and because we are a team.

[Notapheasantplucker]

Well fuck that for a barrel of laughs. Don't send him your savings!

[Greenmarmalade]

NO!!

You are the vulnerable one in EVERY way- financially vulnerable too. Do not give him a penny!

[Usagi12]

No, no, no, please do not do this. He's responsible for his own money and he pissed it up the wall. It's not your responsibility. His reasoning is also very suspect, he wants you to transfer money in case you split up? Sounds like he's thinking of moving on I'm afraid, you just don't think like this in a happy stable relationship. If you split up you will need every penny for you and your child. I take it you're not married so you have absolutely no protection there. Hopefully the relationship will work out but always plan for it not and you ending up looking after your DC alone. Always keep this possibility in the back of your mind and plan accordingly. You're responsible for your DC, not a feckless partner. Good luck xx

[Mum2jenny]

I think the response OP has been pretty unanimous. Dump the bastard asap

[WaterBottle123]

Do not transfer your savings, do not marry him, do not get pregnant again and get back to work
ASAP.

[Greenmarmalade]

And childcare should be paid between you- not just from your wages. You should apply for child benefit and any other benefits, in your name, to go into your account.