To not transfer my savings to DP

[Calty123]

So my partner and I have been together for 4 years. Neither of us had any savings when we first got together. We agreed we wanted to start saving at the same time and built up around 3k each - he then lost his job, didn’t put any effort into finding a new one for about 4 months and spent all of his savings. Fast forward to now he has around 2k maybe and I have around 10k. I was made redundant and then got pregnant so my only income is now maternity allowance of around £600 a month. He still earns about 2k a month.

DP thinks I should transfer him some of my savings (we do have a joint account but both have separate accounts for savings) and then he would be happy to put his wage into the joint account every month for me to use for food and baby, rather than at the moment I spend all my maternity allowance on food/baby/rent and he doesn’t really contribute that much. He will give me £30 for food here and there if I say I’ve not got anything left for the month but he doesn’t give me his card to go to the shop and it’s always me that goes so I end up paying. If I’m ordering things online for baby he does sometimes pay.

His reasoning is that if I decide to leave him then I’ve still got all my savings and he will still only have 2k as we will have spent his wage every month.
We’re waiting for our house to be finished so only pay very minimal bills to my parents currently and both pay for our own cars, phones etc but when we move out in the next month or so he will pay majority household bills.

Would you transfer some of your savings?
YABU - yes
YANBU - no

[Youllbeoldertoo]

Wow he is a nasty tight git. How can you be with someone so mean with money? You are the mother of his child. Kick him out of your parents place and apply for CMS

[3rdNamechange]

Bloody hell , how did he come up with that batshit plan.
Why on earth are you going along with this terrible arrangement ?

[SinkGirl]

His thinking is so completely backwards and the fact that you even have to ask means that you no longer know what’s normal and what’s not.

He’s living in your parents house with minimal bills. And he’s saying that, in order to share financial responsibility for his child, he needs part of your savings as insurance.

This is seriously fucked up OP.

[Shoxfordian]

So you’re both living with your parents? I think he should leave and you should stay there for now. He sounds like a loser and he’s trying to extort money from you. Don’t transfer any of your savings

[canigooutyet]

I would have asked him what he’s been smoking.
He needs to cough up money every month to cover his costs and that of your child.

Until he’s got his head out of his arse I wouldn’t be in any rush to move in with him.

Bet the only reason he got another job was because his savings were running out.

Count your lucky stars you found out now.

[Boysarebackintown]

Every so often I come on here and read something like this. I realise I am old, my kids are in their late teens and 20s but in the olden days partners paid their share of costs for their baby, call me old fashioned. When I was on mat leave my DH and I pooled our resources and we didn’t have ‘my’ money ‘your money’ it just doesn’t work when you have a child.

It’s pretty unanimous OP. This man is not supporting his own child - what does it say about him?

What would you do if you were a Sahp in the future? Or what if you or your child get ill? Will he still keep all his cash and make you pay your own way? With what? Having a child is a partnership not something that the mother only pays for.

For your own sake and your child just get rid.

[Wheresthebeach]

So he's only prepared to contribute properly if you give him your savings?

Part of you already knows the answer to this. I only hope that the avalanche of 'hell no' responses gives you the perspective you need to sort this out. If fear this is who he is.

[AnathemaPulsifer]

Hell no! He should be paying more than you as he earns more while you’re on mat leave. And your savings are your own.

[AdaColeman]

He's taking you for an absolute mug. At the moment you, and to a lesser extent your parents, are supporting him, and now he wants your savings!
Don't move in with him, he will go through your money like a hot knife though butter.

[notdaddycool]

Even as a bloke, hell no.

[TheByngster]

This caper makes me sad, the amount of posts I see on here of women having children with such inadequate men.

[Bananabuddy3]

No way! OP I’m reading this as “give me your savings and I’ll contribute to our child, or keep your savings and you pay for our child’

He should already be contributing to food and your child. Those things should be split , and not necessarily in half, but by percentage of earnings - so in your case I think you should possibly pay a third of the food and your DP 2 thirds for example.

The fact that he’s saying “if you leave me” is setting alarm bells for me.

Btw I have witnessed 2 friends hand over the bulk of their savings to partners - both now ex partners. It didn’t end well. Don’t. By all means look to return to work if you wish but your savings are yours.

[PeggyHill]

Why doesn't he contribute financially to his own child?

I couldn't be with someone like that.

[Bubnomore]

No!

Do not transfer YOUR savings. If you did, it’s wooden dollars still ie what he is contributing is really been offset and funded by what you have already transferred to him from your savings.

Everything should be simply straight down the middle for the moment. Your spending £600 he should spend £600. Any left at the end of month due to staying with your parents can be saved towards expenses that you’ll no doubt have when moving to your new home, and or getting it set up, or savings for your daughter.

Whatever arrangement you come to do not fund his lack of ability to save by transferring your savings to him. Your a family - he is not entitled to a monetary ‘guarantee’ from your savings if it doesn’t work out. If that is how he thinks, even more reason for him to make every effort to make it work to make sure it works out to avoid the grieve of missing you and your daughter on a daily basis - and not just your savings.

[mellicauli]

What is he spending his money on if he's not paying bills or food or anything for the baby? It's not like there are holidays or nights out to pay for.

And this new house..is it a rental or have you bought it? If so, whose names are on the deeds?

[Aldidl]

Give him his wish and leave him 🤷🏼‍♀️

[rawalpindithelabrador]

Another one of these! Bet you gave the baby his surname, too.

Pull out of the house, stay with your parents, throw him out and go back to work. Don't give him a penny. Do not date again until you've done some serious work on yourself.

[Thewithesarehere]

You read something shocking and then read some more.
Blimey OP!

[FortunesFave]

He's a dick OP. You need to plan for a future without him...he's not a good man.

A good man looks after his wife and child....you may need that money to leave him.

Get back to work asap....fuck him off.

I can't fathom why these men act like this...

[Calty123]

Well that was pretty unanimous!
Thanks ladies.
I hadn’t any real intention of doing it, I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t being harsh.
The house is only rented.
He isn’t usually tight, he will pay for takeaways and treat my family too, sometimes fills my car up and was generous on my birthday and Christmas etc but he’s being odd about this.
Baby is breastfed and we had a lot gifted to us when he was born and Christmas so his upkeep is reasonably cheap at the moment, but it is me that buys the nappies and little bits and bobs, mostly because I get them while I’m food shopping. We don’t have many clothes in his next size up so he will have to put his hand in his pocket then
I don’t think it is malicious on his part, I genuinely think he just thinks it would be fair. But yes I agree with you all and won’t be doing it.

[Wolfiefan]

He will pay for takeaways?
Pretty low bar there OP.
He’s not an equal partner.
He doesn’t sound ready for responsibility.

[rawalpindithelabrador]

No, just no, do not move in with this guy. Don't. He's not generous. FFS.

[Porridgeoat]

Bloody hell what a dick. You’ll be on maternity leave looking after HIS child. The childcare is your contribution and the bills are his contribution. Is he trying to tell you that your childcare counts for nothing

[Tubs11]

Your savings are yours and he should be contributing towards his child

[Bluntness100]

Eh, it’s a fuck no from me,