To have nothing nice

[Givemethechocolate]

Aibu to think you just can't have anything nice when you have young children.
My sofa has stains all over it, crumbs everywhere. Playdoh in the carpet. Pen on the wooden table. Stuff knocked over and stained. Clothes ruined from stains. No matter how many times I say please he careful, it's not listened to. I know my DS doesn't mean to do it on purpose but it's just annoying when you pay for things and eventually they get ruined.
Anyone else feel the same?

Welcome to being a parent.

I think this is a universal experience, whether yours are boys or girls.

Having a house full of second hand stuff helps as you don’t worry about it too much.

Save the nice stuff for when they’ve grown up. The stuff you’ve got now will be out of fashion by then anyway.

Also, throws for furniture, tables etc are a help as they can be washed and hide damage.

Don’t let it worry you. It’s only “stuff”, and “stuff” can be replaced when they’re older.

Yes you need throws and you also need wipeable table coverings and easily cleanly carpets or replace them with hard floors. Cheap supermarket or second hand clothes. It's all about damage limitation.

I grew up in a house full of antique furniture and fragile glassware. I was a good child. Nothing ever got broken.
Except for me. I’m now a very anxious adult who takes up the absolute minimum amount of space and is scared to breathe.

@warmeduppizza

I grew up in a house full of antique furniture and fragile glassware. I was a good child. Nothing ever got broken. Except for me. I’m now a very anxious adult who takes up the absolute minimum amount of space and is scared to breathe.

This.

I have 2 under 5s and my house is 'nice', we have play dough, crafts and colouring pens etc put away away and we get them out at their colouring table. They can have pencils and colouring books at any time, this is constantly available. All meals/snacks need to be eaten sat down rather than while playing - which means mess is contained.

I also get DC to help with cleaning. Each kallax box holds a 'type' of toy, such as Lego, Schleich animals etc, and we encourage them to tidy away when they're finished with an activity. We have a playroom with cream sofas and pale grey rug which are both immaculate still.

Friends who allow their DC to eat while playing seem to have far more problems with mess. I'd be furious with playdough in the rug or on the sofa, it's not necessary for them to play that way

I'm currently waiting for black play doh that has been smudged into the carpet this morning to dry before I try to scrape it off with the hoover pipe.

Worst for not taking shoes off is my husband though so I feel it's not worth getting a nice new carpet (even if the little one was a bit older) as it will just be ruined with mud.

In a parallel universe I have a shiny flat decorated with shimmery cream, silver and blush pink.

To a large extent you're right but it does get markedly better as they get older. Our sofa liked under a big throw for years to protect it from crumbs and juice drips.

Depending on what space you have, could you make one room nicer and limit activities in there? When I was growing up it was quite usual for the front room to be for "best" with say, no children allowed to eat or drink in there. And my parent's bedroom was similarly out of bounds.

yanbu but it gets better.
Except in our case, after it got better we got a puppy.....

My dd isn't too bad now that she's 6, but when she was younger she completely wrecked the lounge carpet. It is currently more stain than it is carpet - mostly paint and that goo/slime stuff. I won't buy her the slime anymore and don't allow it in the house. I've not bothered replacing the carpet yet as I wanted to wait until she got a bit older. It's probably about time though.

She also went through a phase of drawing on absolutely everything and our sofa and walls were covered in scribbles. Thankfully she seems to have outgrown that, I've repainted the walls and scrubbed up the sofas as best as I can.

Her clothes do always look messy. I don't know what she does, but she seems incapable of having clean clothes on for more than half an hour without something getting on them. And her shoes always look in a state too. I see some dc at the school pick up who come out looking immaculate, while my dd always looks like she's been dragged through a hedge. I don't get it.

@StylishMummy

I have 2 under 5s and my house is 'nice', we have play dough, crafts and colouring pens etc put away away and we get them out at their colouring table. They can have pencils and colouring books at any time, this is constantly available. All meals/snacks need to be eaten sat down rather than while playing - which means mess is contained.

I also get DC to help with cleaning. Each kallax box holds a 'type' of toy, such as Lego, Schleich animals etc, and we encourage them to tidy away when they're finished with an activity. We have a playroom with cream sofas and pale grey rug which are both immaculate still.

Friends who allow their DC to eat while playing seem to have far more problems with mess. I'd be furious with playdough in the rug or on the sofa, it's not necessary for them to play that way

This is how we were brought up. Toys in your room, food, drink and crafts at the table, and taught to help clear away after. Didn't do me any harm.

Simple solution: no pens, pencils or anything mucky in your lounge. If doing arty stuff, keep things counted in and out the box to stop stray pens getting lost. Keep said stuff in a box that is stored away safely. As for crumbs. Eat at a table.

@StylishMummy

I have 2 under 5s and my house is 'nice', we have play dough, crafts and colouring pens etc put away away and we get them out at their colouring table. They can have pencils and colouring books at any time, this is constantly available. All meals/snacks need to be eaten sat down rather than while playing - which means mess is contained.

I also get DC to help with cleaning. Each kallax box holds a 'type' of toy, such as Lego, Schleich animals etc, and we encourage them to tidy away when they're finished with an activity. We have a playroom with cream sofas and pale grey rug which are both immaculate still.

Friends who allow their DC to eat while playing seem to have far more problems with mess. I'd be furious with playdough in the rug or on the sofa, it's not necessary for them to play that way

This,and your username, all sound very anal and not much fun at all

I was hopeless at keeping things ordered and tidy when the DC were young. They were quite messy kids though - and I do believe some are naturally more messy than others.

We could NEVER in a million years keep playdoh colours separated, lids on pens, or Lego even remotely organised. Years later I have stashed boxes of 1000s of mixed Lego sets... what the hell do I do with it all?!

The house was always clean but v untidy

Oh ye! I HATE my carpet. Its disgusting. But no point changing it until the second baby stops puking. All my clothes have puke stains, all I wear is granny knickers (and I am not even 30 yet), my couches are a state, my gorgeous oak table has to have a manky cover on it, my hall floor is always filthy from the buggy, toys everywhere, clothes everywhere, dirty nappies from the night feed on the floor, clothes all over the bedroom floor where I am too tired to do anything except fall into bed, general mess I can never get on top of.

I think it's just parenting. I dont know many people who dont have a house like this with kids. I think it will get better, in a decade or so lol.

You can, you just have to hide it in a lockable cupboard. Also there are washable sofa covers you know

I don’t really agree to be honest; we used to have a battered sofa and let the kids do whatever on it but we’ve had a new sofa for the last year and it’s still in pretty much perfect condition - kids rarely eat on it and if they do it’s on a throw with non messy snacks. There’s no food upstairs and I’m careful with types of drink cups that are used.
Play dough, paint, pens etc are only used in the kitchen where we have tiles floor and a plastic tablecloth.
We moved into a new house and decided that we were going to really look after it and chose how the kitchen would be to be able to have messy play but not have carpets etc destroyed.

I would agree about clothes though meaning my clothes; I have lots of clothes that would be ruined by greasy fingers etc so I don’t wear them around the kids (sadly that now means I rarely wear them but that’s more about the pandemic than kids)

I now have adult kids trashing the place. A foot long scratch in the coffee table. Nobody knows why. Two freezer drawer fronts snapped in one night. Nobody admits that they went in the freezer.

@InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream I’m not really sure what’s not fun about that approach. I’m pretty much the same and although DD doesn’t necessarily help me tidy up I find it much better to keep toys organised as then if she wants to play with her dolls it’s all in one box rather than her searching across the house for it.

@StylishMummy

I have 2 under 5s and my house is 'nice', we have play dough, crafts and colouring pens etc put away away and we get them out at their colouring table. They can have pencils and colouring books at any time, this is constantly available. All meals/snacks need to be eaten sat down rather than while playing - which means mess is contained.

I also get DC to help with cleaning. Each kallax box holds a 'type' of toy, such as Lego, Schleich animals etc, and we encourage them to tidy away when they're finished with an activity. We have a playroom with cream sofas and pale grey rug which are both immaculate still.

Friends who allow their DC to eat while playing seem to have far more problems with mess. I'd be furious with playdough in the rug or on the sofa, it's not necessary for them to play that way

Me too. Food only at the table. Rug under dining table has a wipe clean mat over it. Table has oilcloth on it. Arts and crafts only at the table. Rest of house is lovely.

And I grew up in a beautiful (tiny) house full of antiques and it did me no harm at all. I was an only though so perhaps easier for mum.

Why is everything covered in stains? That's not inevitable with children.

I'm pretty laidback about cleaning etc, but my couch isn't covered in crumbs and stains, or playdough smushed into carpets. Playdough and things like that are only allowed at the ktchen table and they aren't allowed to eat on the couch very often. Also, if things are spilled they are cleaned straight away so don't stain. And I have far more children than OP.

I think it depends. If you have a sitting at the table & no walking around with food & drinks rule in place all the time, then you will have less mess.

@Firstbellini

I now have adult kids trashing the place. A foot long scratch in the coffee table. Nobody knows why. Two freezer drawer fronts snapped in one night. Nobody admits that they went in the freezer.

Time for you to reconsider whether they should be living at home. There's no need for that.

it does get better, mine have all left home,

I have no idea how people keep a nice home with children. I have gouges our of walls, permanent stains on the carpet, toys EVERYWHERE. It’s honestly very depressing so I try not to think about it.