To have nothing nice

[Givemethechocolate]

Aibu to think you just can't have anything nice when you have young children.
My sofa has stains all over it, crumbs everywhere. Playdoh in the carpet. Pen on the wooden table. Stuff knocked over and stained. Clothes ruined from stains. No matter how many times I say please he careful, it's not listened to. I know my DS doesn't mean to do it on purpose but it's just annoying when you pay for things and eventually they get ruined.
Anyone else feel the same?

Lots of posters have reacted angrily to me accusing stylishmummy of being anal. I have a friend who kept her house really clean and tidy when her kids were small, and she is honest enough to admit that she was very anal about it, too much so, to the point where she felt really anxious and would shout if, for example,a child attempted to walk away from the table with playdough or a pen. Is that healthy? Is an 'immaculate' sofa that important? Her kids, now older teens, now feel like they are living in a museum,and hate it.
Have a word with yourselves.

Our house isn't perfect, but it's not wrecked by our children and we have plenty of nice things. There are constant crumbs etc, but how the hell do you let them draw everywhere and let play dough get squashed in the carpet? Messy stuff is done at the table or on the floor with a big oilcloth,
If they make a mess, they help clean it up. The only thing stuck in the carpet is some white tac which was my fault 😬.
I let them eat on the sofa, on the floor or at the table, but it never gets bad. There is the odd accident, but if it's being done on purpose with no consequences then you'll have problems.
Today the 3 year old drew with crayon on the fabric sofa. He got told off and then helped me clean it up with some wet wipes. Tonight I'll give it a proper clean, but he's learnt a lesson.
Toys are everywhere, but it's pretty clean and tidy.

@BlueSoop

Judgemental sod It’s not judgemental to point out that normal people don’t just drop dirty nappies on the floor. We bag them up and put them in the bin. It’s actually shocking that you think this is normal and acceptable!

My god its 2am!! Of course I put them in the bin in the morning. They arent lying around for days! I said it was from the night feed. Christ alive you people.

@JackieWeaver If you can afford a cleaner, you have more energy to do things like constantly monitor the children to keep them from trashing the house. Even those who have managed to keep their homes immaculate have conceded that it takes effort and hard work. By the time I've cleaned through my house, I'd be too exhausted to get a three year old to eat her chocolate-covered rice cakes at the table.

By the way, there are two reasons I don't have a cleaner - one is lack of funds, and the other is the fear that s/he would be silently judging my housekeeping skills / family. I can see from your posts that my fears are not unfounded.

@Bbq1

Children just need teaching to respect their home. Messy toys etc isn't a problem but drawing on walls and furniture is totally unacceptable. The only way a young child would be able to do that surely is by having access to pens, crayons etc but having no adult supervision? I can't see anyone just sitting there watching their child scrawling all over the wall so where is the adult when the child is doing that? If the adult was there surely they would stop the child doing that and explain why it's unacceptable.

This is actually hilarious. My younger one is infamous for what he can do with a pen given 0.5 of a second at home, toddler group and nursery. Really it's amazing how you 'cannot see' how a small child can scribble on a wall given half a chance - do you not have small children?

@hatedbytheDailyMail I'm not the one who needs to 'get a grip' here. There's disagreeing with an post and there's sticking the boot in. Between this and the bollocks 'I saw a fatty feed her kid chocolate' thread today, MN seem extra determined to be as judgemental as possible this afternoon

I don't think you know what judgemental actually means, since you think I am and I couldn't care less who has what sort of house, none of my business.
I'm just irritated by the posters insisting that anyone and everyone with children live in filth. It's obviously bollocks

Yeah you think you've cracked it when the first is well behaved, doesn't draw on walls etc.

Then you have subsequent ones and realise some of it is definitely luck!!

We have ikea sofas. Washable covers. And spare covers. Spills and chocolate smears wash out, no drama. Laminate floor downstairs and rugs (not wool, cheap non absorbing acrylic ikea!) so they get replaced eventually. My decent wood furniture (wedding gifts!) has had a sand and rewax so looks fine. Peer closely and there's little teeth marks in the top surface of one. I don't care.

I refuse to wallpaper until they're older though. At least with pair I just keep extra to cover any marks etc. I can't be bothered stressing about it.

Mine are all under 7 and although my homes lived in it's clean and all toys in storage cubes organised into system, but the living room has majority of youngests toys which annoys me but keeps him happy .

I have an old sofa which I have had for ages but have ordered a nice grey chenille one which I'm regretting even thinking about it.

I have nice ornaments and things but are kept
Out way of kids.

What I don't have is new clothes last
Time I bought clothes was 2 years ago the kids always get,my youngest wears pale blue/white always and he's a toddler so gets really dirty but it always washes.

The joys of parenting,I dream of the day I can have a picture perfect house but I'm enjoying my kids while they are still small x

If you can afford a cleaner, you have more energy to do things like constantly monitor the children to keep them from trashing the house.

So how does that explain those houses I visit where they don’t keep them well maintained despite being able to afford a cleaner?

How does that explain houses where they have no cleaner and still manage to keep their homes well maintained?

You’re making no sense.

Even those who have managed to keep their homes immaculate have conceded that it takes effort and hard work.

Umm that’s exactly what I said in my first post. It takes effort!

By the way, there are two reasons I don't have a cleaner - one is lack of funds, and the other is the fear that s/he would be silently judging my housekeeping skills / family. I can see from your posts that my fears are not unfounded.

I see you have taken my “you can tell the difference” as a judgemental comment. (Possibly because you are feeling defensive) It wasn’t, it was simply stating that you can tell the difference. I know for a fact that if you yourself walked into any of the houses I clean you would be able to tell from looking which were well maintained and which weren’t. Does that mean you would be judging them just because you observed their condition?

@JackieWeaverIsTheAuthority

If you can afford a cleaner, you have more energy to do things like constantly monitor the children to keep them from trashing the house.

So how does that explain those houses I visit where they don’t keep them well maintained despite being able to afford a cleaner?

How does that explain houses where they have no cleaner and still manage to keep their homes well maintained?

You’re making no sense.

Even those who have managed to keep their homes immaculate have conceded that it takes effort and hard work.

Umm that’s exactly what I said in my first post. It takes effort!

By the way, there are two reasons I don't have a cleaner - one is lack of funds, and the other is the fear that s/he would be silently judging my housekeeping skills / family. I can see from your posts that my fears are not unfounded.

I see you have taken my “you can tell the difference” as a judgemental comment. (Possibly because you are feeling defensive) It wasn’t, it was simply stating that you can tell the difference. I know for a fact that if you yourself walked into any of the houses I clean you would be able to tell from looking which were well maintained and which weren’t. Does that mean you would be judging them just because you observed their condition?

D'you know what? OP clearly is having a bad day. She just wants some people on the internet to sympathise with her and say "yes, my house is also not how I'd like it to be, because kids"; maybe someone to say that she will miss those bashes on the furniture and marks on the wall when the children are grown; and maybe someone else to say that one day she will have the home of her dreams - a little ray of hope in the otherwise dull and relentless world of picking up Paw Patrol figurines and wiping crayon off things.

What she doesn't need is people insinuating that she isn't trying hard enough.

D'you know what? OP clearly is having a bad day. She just wants some people on the internet to sympathise with her and say "yes, my house is also not how I'd like it to be, because kids"; maybe someone to say that she will miss those bashes on the furniture and marks on the wall when the children are grown; and maybe someone else to say that one day she will have the home of her dreams - a little ray of hope in the otherwise dull and relentless world of picking up Paw Patrol figurines and wiping crayon off things.

What she doesn't need is people insinuating that she isn't trying hard enough.

Well then maybe starting a vote thread on AIBU was misguided. There are other places on MN, and indeed the internet that won’t answer questions honestly. AIBU isn’t one of them.

Yeah, it's pretty shit. Pets don't exactly help either! I am positively looking forward to living in a sterile, soulless environment when they leave home!

And BTW- my previous post responded to your comments (that you addressed to me) not the OPs.

@StylishMummy

I have 2 under 5s and my house is 'nice', we have play dough, crafts and colouring pens etc put away away and we get them out at their colouring table. They can have pencils and colouring books at any time, this is constantly available. All meals/snacks need to be eaten sat down rather than while playing - which means mess is contained.

I also get DC to help with cleaning. Each kallax box holds a 'type' of toy, such as Lego, Schleich animals etc, and we encourage them to tidy away when they're finished with an activity. We have a playroom with cream sofas and pale grey rug which are both immaculate still.

Friends who allow their DC to eat while playing seem to have far more problems with mess. I'd be furious with playdough in the rug or on the sofa, it's not necessary for them to play that way

You sound eminently sensible

Ignore the snarky posts. Maybe you've hit a nerve

We've never had food or drink upstairs other than water. Food is eaten at the big table or snacks on the coffee table. The children's rooms carpets were not replaced when we moved in, so I wasn't too bothered if the dropped glue or pens bit it was all contained

What she doesn't need is people insinuating that she isn't trying hard enough

Well then she probably shouldn't have asked if she was being unreasonable, should she?

Of course you can have nice stuff with young kids i had three and they played with messy stuff on the kitchen table with a plastic tablecloth on it had old wrecked clothes for messy play, ate and drank in the kitchen no snacks drinks or food in the front room or their bedrooms certainly werent allowed slime or playdoh near the carpets, i wasnt that strict as in telling them off all day but they were taught to respect the stuff their dad and i had worked hard for

Look at it this way, when children are a bit older and no longer messy you will have a good excuse to buy new.

TBH my pets have done far more damage than the DC lol - chewing, scratching, peeing/pooing, vomitting etc.
But from DC I do have slime on the ceiling that I can't reach, stickers on everything - but really, no damage. Luckily the sofa is built like a tank, so it takes all the jumping. I think the key is that all our furniture was old before DC arrived, so I'm not precious about it. I don't care about clothes really, as they get outgrown so quickly.

My god its 2am!! Of course I put them in the bin in the morning. They arent lying around for days! I said it was from the night feed. Christ alive you people.
You said there were dirty nappies from the night feed lying on the floor. Not bagged up in the bathroom. Not in the kitchen bin. On the FLOOR. Along with your clothes apparently 😳

I feel you and I'm experiencing the same thing with my toddler. He has this thing where he picks up all my photo frames and stamps on it, not sure if he does it because he hates us 🙄

I've had throws on the sofas but it gets pulled by my toddler. I try to contain the messiness by only allowing snacks and food on his high chair and doing colouring and play doh on his high chair as he will wonder off if he isn't restrained. I have finger prints everywhere even though I wash his hands regularly. He throws his toys everywhere and we have loads of dents and scratches on the floorboards. The other day he vomited on our cream carpets in the bedroom even though if he had just turned back, he would have aimed the corridor with the wooden floors to clean easier. I still need to do round two with the scrubbing as there's still a shadow on the carpets from the stain.

I feel the same, I can never have anything nice in the house despite my best efforts. My mum always tells me she had 4 children under the age of 10 where she had antiques and precious ornaments where we didn't touch it and cream carpets. But I never remember having colouring books or play doh and we were only allowed to play with toys in our bedrooms.

@InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream

Lots of posters have reacted angrily to me accusing stylishmummy of being anal. I have a friend who kept her house really clean and tidy when her kids were small, and she is honest enough to admit that she was very anal about it, too much so, to the point where she felt really anxious and would shout if, for example,a child attempted to walk away from the table with playdough or a pen. Is that healthy? Is an 'immaculate' sofa that important? Her kids, now older teens, now feel like they are living in a museum,and hate it. Have a word with yourselves.

So what? That's one example. I didn't grow up feeling like I lived in a museum just because my mother didn't want scribble on the sofa and walls.

When our eldest began to crawl we moved everything precious out of reach/sight. It came back into view when they left home and still survives.. We had a permanent plastic table cloth on the table for eating (all meals at the table) and for makingstuff/painting/homework, washable throws on the sofas. They wore lots of hand me downs and jumble sale clothes so the frequent wreckage and rippage didn't matter; and all our floors were washable (we also had lots of pets). We ate (still do) off my large collection of vintage china, pennies from charity shops and jumbles.

*You sound eminently sensible

Ignore the snarky posts. Maybe you've hit a nerve*

Yup.

When our eldest began to crawl we moved everything precious out of reach/sight. It came back into view when they left home and still survives

You toddlerproofed the house until they were adults old enough to leave home? Christ!

Even without kids stuff will always wear out and get stained and need replacing. We are down a couple of towels with indelible stains during the last two weeks (displacement activity by Mr Soupover) It's ink! ookay.... and I did for a tea towel myself last week. We don't have smallpaws, it didn't work out that way. I think all I mean is adults can wreck things as well.