To have nothing nice

[Givemethechocolate]

Aibu to think you just can't have anything nice when you have young children.
My sofa has stains all over it, crumbs everywhere. Playdoh in the carpet. Pen on the wooden table. Stuff knocked over and stained. Clothes ruined from stains. No matter how many times I say please he careful, it's not listened to. I know my DS doesn't mean to do it on purpose but it's just annoying when you pay for things and eventually they get ruined.
Anyone else feel the same?

YANBU and I thought I was just lucky because my DC when they were toddlers were quite naturally neat and didn't slobber over clothes or spill stuff. But now we are in the realms of adolescence oh my lord they are so clumsy, they just bump in to things, drop things, and generally wreck the house.

My problem is my husband as he is responsible for 90% of breakages & mess at home. I feel sad that we still live like students with home ware from IKEA as they're cheap to replace. My parents bought me a beautiful dinner service and dh has broken a few pieces already. So I've packed it up for safety, it breaks my heart.

@InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream Don't be ridiculous.

Being expected to clean up your toys isn't anal or not fun.

Being expected to sit down while eating is just safe, and how children should eat.

I don't stick to any of the above and I'm not more fun for it. I'm just tired, down trodden and sad that my house is trashed.
As for being "stylish" how does that sound unfun or anal?

And in twenty years time most likely people won't be writing threads about what a lazy filthy bastard her child makes as a partner either.

We’re doing ok to be honest and we have 3 kids and a dog. I’d say our house is “nice”. It’s influenced my choice of couch etc, to be fair, we have a dark, hard wearing leather instead of the buttery soft cognac I’d like. The biggest secret, and I say this enthusiastically after recent family gastro, is we have no carpet. A couple of rugs, but they are the easy clean kind. I also go through and chuck things regularly, and we do a big tidy up each night. Of course it would look nicer without kids, but it’s pretty good. Everything is wipeable that’s big too. Fabric sofas and carpet floors are impossible.
When we had a fully carpeted flat, things were worse. I vacuumed every single day and it was still gross. Carpet is the devil.

Oh and also, people only eat at the kitchen island or the table.

My dc have had genuine accidents where they have dropped/spilled stuff but on the whole my house looks as nice as it did pre dc. They know the rules though. Shoes are taken off at the door, they can colour/paint/craft anytime but it's done on a little IKEA table they have in the kitchen. They wear little aprons for messy activities. All meals eaten at the table, nothing upstairs apart from water. Drinks away from the dining table have lids. I think it's important children learn to respect other people's things, even from a young age.

@warmeduppizza

I grew up in a house full of antique furniture and fragile glassware. I was a good child. Nothing ever got broken. Except for me. I’m now a very anxious adult who takes up the absolute minimum amount of space and is scared to breathe.

Me too. I'm not so much anxious but very much a people pleaser and have to work hard at making sure other people don't control me. I remember hating taking my DDs to DMs house - having to watch them like a hawk to make sure nothing was broken. My house is very different and I hope I have beenMuch more relaxed around them growing up.

[quote WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants]@MyGoMargot

Years later I have stashed boxes of 1000s of mixed Lego sets... what the hell do I do with it all?!

You send it to me, I sort it all into sets for you then you sell it?

I LOVE sorting out masses of mixed up
Lego!![/quote]
I spent several very happy days sorting boxes of mixed Lego into sets to put them away for DGC!

It is draining when you used to have everything clean and tidy and children come along and it’s not the same!
But can’t expect children not to have accidents, drop food etc ... We don’t allow eating on the sofa. And play doh is played on a tray on the table. Those rules really help. Their bedrooms are a mess, but I insist on toy free areas in the house for my own sanity!

@Bringallthebiscuits

Finally, an unexpected benefit to my reception age child struggling to hold a pencil/hating drawing - no scribbles on the walls! Just the endless worry that he’s never going to learn how to write.

My son is like this. I know it's hard not to compare, but research shows their hands and hand-brain co-ordination doesn't really fully develop until 6/7. They're so little still (but I promise I have the other voice and I know it's hard not to worry).

Chunky pens help and I also have letters for him to play with (so lack of writing doesn't stop him from making words, spelling).

Sorry, off topic, but it's a topic that's been on my mind a lot recently!

I know not everyone is lucky enough to have the space but zoning/ containing the messy stuff is pretty effective. My kids have their own large tv/play room where they are allowed food, drinks, messy art work and can climb on the sofas. I tidy/ clean it a couple of times a week but other than that, if the mess upsets me I just shut the door!

We also have a smarter living room - kids are welcome to use it but no food or drink, artwork or climbing on furniture allowed, and adults get first dibs on TV choice. When we first moved here and got this system in place there were several incidences of the kids messing up "their" room and then wanting to use the other room because it was clean and tidy and smelt nicer! They have learnt that is not how it works and gave got a bit better about not trashing their own room.

We're about to renovate that room and I'm going for a dark brown carpet (which can be scrubbed and even bleached), washable kitchen paint on the walls and a large clear floor mat to go under youngest's art table. The sofas are dark brown fabric that can be vacuumed (and scrubbed) which I spray every few months with fabric protector.

although my son is now a young man I’ve always had a nice clean house
I clean most days takes me 10-15 mins
Don’t have any clutter or crap
DH will vacuum the stairs every other day

Helps though that I have always had wooden floors and leather sofas so easy to clean
But I do have several dogs but they are also clean & tidy 😂

I had a very sicky baby/toddler (he stopped being sick daily around the age of 3). Family visitors would bring a change of clothes for themselves when visiting it was that bad.

What helped was:
Inside clothes and outside clothes. I would get home and change before taking the baby, thereby preserving my nice work clothes.

Washable throws on the sofa.

Hard floors plus a couple of rugs for DC to play on that we threw away when he stopped being sick.

Getting into my pyjamas when putting baby to bed. So i could tidy away my clothes from the day.

Now we have a clean home (DC are 9 and 6) because:
Eating and drinking is only at the table or in the kitchen
Drawing/art is only at the table and tidied away
Play do is not used much anymore but was always on a hard floor covered with a plastic mat
We don't buy slime
Pens and pencils are not left lying around
Only small soft balls in the flat and only let them play a few minutes before it descends into chaos.
Hands and mouths washed after eating

Their toys have taken over the living room but get tidied up every couple of days.

Now I’m going to sound like a real tosser but I have a 7, 5 and 2 year old, a dog, cream carpets and fabric sofas and it’s still clean (bar a patch on the playroom carpet where DD2 dropped a tub of slime when she was 3 and it won’t completely come off even after multiple shampoos).
Fabric sofa is dark grey. We have a vax carpet shampooer with upholstery attachment so do that every six weeks or so. Covers come off the sofa and are washed around every 6 weeks too. Food only in the kitchen (tiled floor). Crafts/painting etc at the kitchen table. Shoes off at the door (hallway is wooden floor). Rest of the house is cream carpet. If the dog is muddy he stays in the kitchen until he’s clean.

One of my hardcore rules is food is eaten at the table. No toys in the sitting room so it's a nice adult space. There is an identically sized playroom/ kids computer room with loads of storage so all toys live in there. I have these cheery felt baskets that I bought years ago from John lewis and any toys etc. that sneak through to the kitchen/ hall/ sitting room get popped in and when full taken back to the playroom and sorted through. Storage and washable/ wipeable covers for stuff.

We had lots of messy play but in the kitchen and conservatory as they have no carpet. Dinners always at the table and some snacks ok in the sitting room. We had a big wicker chest in the bay window where toys were stored when not being used.

We are a shoes off house but it’s the cultural norm as we are Asian.

Once dc were older teens we would have dinner occasionally on our laps if it was something like pizza but I’m personally not too keen.

I have nothing nice. At all. I just bought I knew cooker and I could weep for how fucked up I know it's going to get in this house

I have 4 children and have always been strict about no snacks in the lounge and arts and craft to be done at the kitchen table or outside is the weather is nice. Also no food upstairs unless you're ill.

My dm used to say ‘you can’t have anything nice when you’ve got kids’ i used to wonder what she was on about. I understand now i’ve got 2 of my own.

@MyGoMargot

I was hopeless at keeping things ordered and tidy when the DC were young. They were quite messy kids though - and I do believe some are naturally more messy than others.

We could NEVER in a million years keep playdoh colours separated, lids on pens, or Lego even remotely organised. Years later I have stashed boxes of 1000s of mixed Lego sets... what the hell do I do with it all?!

The house was always clean but v untidy

Surely the whole point of Lego is that you can mix the sets up to make a pizza delivery pirate fire engine!

I have nothing nice. At all. I just bought I knew cooker and I could weep for how fucked up I know it's going to get in this house

Honestly don't understand this....why is your cooked going to get "fucked up"? And how?
Bemused.

You can, you just have to hide it in a lockable cupboard.

The nice things or the child?

A little bit of baking powder mixed with water will get the pen out of your wooden table OP

I think it’s the cost of doing business. I’ll redecorate properly when mine leave home!

[quote user1493413286]@InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream I’m not really sure what’s not fun about that approach. I’m pretty much the same and although DD doesn’t necessarily help me tidy up I find it much better to keep toys organised as then if she wants to play with her dolls it’s all in one box rather than her searching across the house for it.[/quote]
Very much the same here. Our kids were always encouraged to tidy up after themselves once they'd stopped playing. You just need plenty of storage and a 'system'. I don't understand why you'd ever let small children do painting, play-doh or eat in the living room? Down that path lies mess and madness. In our house all eating and craft activities took place at the kitchen table which had a wipe clean oil cloth, so easy to clean. When it got marked too much, it was replaced.

Being very organised and tidy actually meant our kids could have more fun and in spontaneous ways - because their craft cupboard was always neatly stocked, so no hunting for paper or crayons or glue. If they wanted to do Lego, no problem and no frustration because the sets had been stored neatly and in their entirety. An impromptu trip to the swimming pool was so quick and easy because their swimming kits were already clean, bagged and ready to go. No hunting for goggles or clean trunks.

I am actually very lazy, but I've found that being highly organised and tidy just makes everyone's life so much easier and smoother.