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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Caught him talking to another girl and it's me.

148 replies

Catsandkittens638297 · 23/02/2021 22:06

Mt husband has a past of talking to other girls that I caught him on tinder last year. I forgave him and we ironed it all out.
I know he's on whisper and I managed to find his account and talk to him. It's anoynmous so he doesn't know it's me.
He's started getting sexual on the chat. I'm currently 28 weeks pregnant with our third child. If I tell him it was me itl get turned round on me for been crazy (literally out of character for me is this o thought he'd click on) but I can't not say anything? Pls don't be rude

OP posts:
ColdBrightClearMorning · 23/02/2021 22:08

Why would you care if he ‘turned it around’ or allow him to?

Are you afraid of him? Struggling to think of any other reason you’d be with him given this and his past behaviour.

Maybe get this moved to Relationships?

nimbuscloud · 23/02/2021 22:10

I think you will have to leave him
Hopefully you are working ?

Ellpellwood · 23/02/2021 22:10

Does it matter if he calls you crazy? He's cheating. Again.

Eekay · 23/02/2021 22:11

He's an unfaithful wanker, and you're torturing yourself over him.
You deserve much better than a life where you've resorted to going incognito online to catch him out.

Merryoldgoat · 23/02/2021 22:12

Look - your having a baby with someone you KNOW can’t be trusted. Either put up with it or don’t but you can’t change him.

You’re 28 weeks pregnant - this is not a nice man.

Hope4theBestPlan4theWorst · 23/02/2021 22:13

If he has a history of talking to other girls in tinder last year why on God's earth are you having a 3rd child with him???

RiverSkater · 23/02/2021 22:16

I'm so sorry you are going through this while pregnant.

Could you arrange to meet him then tell him you had an anonymous tip off and challenge him about it?

FrostyChocolateMilkshake · 23/02/2021 22:18

@Hope4theBestPlan4theWorst

If he has a history of talking to other girls in tinder last year why on God's earth are you having a 3rd child with him???
Yup, my thoughts too.

No advice sadly OP apart from you need to get yourself together, put yourself and those children first and leave this man.

"Men" like him never change.

BrilliantBetty · 23/02/2021 22:19

What is it that you want out of discovering this? Are you looking for 'evidence' giving you a good enough reason to leave him? If so, you definitely have it - he's been caught red handed!! And you can rest assured that he is an absolute bastard.

If you're hoping to get something else out of this.. what is it?

Jackie2022 · 23/02/2021 22:20

This relationship is over regardless

The trust has gone and won’t ever return

FuzzyTurquoise · 23/02/2021 22:23

I don’t think confronting him is the issue. You need to either decide if you are going to remain with him and accept this behaviour (because he is probably messaging other women at the same time and will continue to do so regardless) or else you need to leave him.

HattieBlue · 23/02/2021 22:23

They alway make it your fault. It is not! No need to say how you know just you do and you want him to leave/you are leaving.
Turning everything around to be your fault can be a sign of domestic abuse - I might be reaching here but just how much effort is he putting into your relationship?
Please look after you and baby. I know how it seems too hard to leave especially if you've forgiven before and put extra effort in as feels like you failed. You didn't he has.

Sparticuscaticus · 23/02/2021 22:28

So.,, you are 28 weeks pregnant
Your husband has history of cheating
You made an account he doesn't know it's you he thinks it is someone else and he's getting sexual in chat with the fake profile - that he thinks is another woman but really it is you?

Your husband is a cheating wanker
You caught him in some type of honey trap
Whether he wants to argue his way out or it that "it's sooook unfair you trailed me" is a moot point.

He's a ducking cheating douche bag

Get rid. I never say this but throw him out and don't explain!! He is a creep

You have other things to focus on, namely baby,

Sparticuscaticus · 23/02/2021 22:29

-* tricked not trailed

SaltyTootsieToes · 23/02/2021 22:30

Do you like pina coladas and gettin caught in the rain?

CanofCant · 23/02/2021 22:33

Can you really be arsed with this? Are you using this latest drama to distract yourself from the fact this relationship is dead in the water?

I hope you have a supportive family, a mum or friend that you can turn to.

toocold54 · 23/02/2021 22:33

Regardless of whether you tell him it’s you or not would you ever trust him again?

Surely just him being on a dating site is enough for you to leave?

tonyunclejohnny · 23/02/2021 22:39

If I caught my DH on a dating site he'd be out the fecking door quicker than he could turn it around on me. Pack his bags when he's out at work and leave them in the garden. Depending on your living arrangements I'd even change the locks and be out when he will be arriving home. Do not do this if you both own the house.

Rockinmomma · 23/02/2021 22:39

How do you know he hasn’t already hooked up with other women from the app? The answer is you don’t and may never know!
OP, I was cheated on whilst pregnant, he turned it round on me. I kicked his skanky ass out!
I wouldn’t even enter into a conversation about it. Can you ask him to leave? Or pack his bags for him?
Take screenshots of those conversations and please book an STD test
Leave the cheating git!!

Branleuse · 23/02/2021 22:42

You already knew that he does that, as you said he has a history of it, so i guess youve kind of shown him that its not a dealbreaker

HyggeTygge · 23/02/2021 22:47

Did you use a pseudonym to fool him?

Original poster
Catsandkittens638297 · 23/02/2021 22:47

I'm a SAHM, he's turned it around about how he wants to leave. I don't know how il manage financially

OP posts:
Thewinterofdiscontent · 23/02/2021 22:48

He’s not happy. Do him a favour and cut him free. Tell him with a smile that you’re doing him a kindness by letting him go and mean it.

Then have a big cry, get any friends and family you can to help for the next couple of months and then enjoy that massive sense of relief that you no longer have to live with someone that lies to your face.

Honeyroar · 23/02/2021 22:48

You gave him a chance “ironed things out” and he’s blown it. So he can’t turn it round on you. Why would you care as long as you can bin him!

harknesswitch · 23/02/2021 22:49

You'll manage op Thanks

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