Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Caught him talking to another girl and it's me.

148 replies

Catsandkittens638297 · 23/02/2021 22:06

Mt husband has a past of talking to other girls that I caught him on tinder last year. I forgave him and we ironed it all out.
I know he's on whisper and I managed to find his account and talk to him. It's anoynmous so he doesn't know it's me.
He's started getting sexual on the chat. I'm currently 28 weeks pregnant with our third child. If I tell him it was me itl get turned round on me for been crazy (literally out of character for me is this o thought he'd click on) but I can't not say anything? Pls don't be rude

OP posts:
MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 24/02/2021 08:26

He won't kill himself

What do you mean you think you've broken up?

Find your anger and TELL HIM the relationship is over.

You will get through this - but not unless you find a bit of strength and decide that you are worth more than this!

harknesswitch · 24/02/2021 08:27

Offer to help him pack a bag and TELL him it's over

stampsurprise · 24/02/2021 08:29

@Thewinterofdiscontent

He’s not happy. Do him a favour and cut him free. Tell him with a smile that you’re doing him a kindness by letting him go and mean it.

Then have a big cry, get any friends and family you can to help for the next couple of months and then enjoy that massive sense of relief that you no longer have to live with someone that lies to your face.

Couldn’t have put it better myself.
FireflyRainbow · 24/02/2021 08:51

That's good you've broken up OP. What a dick he is.

Shoxfordian · 24/02/2021 08:57

Hope you have broken up
Tell him you’re done with his shit

user64332 · 24/02/2021 09:03

I'm sorry OP, what shitty timing at 28 weeks pregnant. Do you have any family/friends you can bubble up with for support who will help you when the baby is here too? I'm really angry for you he laughed and accused you of baiting him instead of being apologetic and ashamed. What a pathetic cock weasel. 2 kids and a newborn will be hard, but a much better alternative than living with this selfish loser.

Original poster
Catsandkittens638297 · 24/02/2021 09:16

He works away so he's not been home yet.
No, no support just me and the kids.

OP posts:
Cantflex · 24/02/2021 09:43
  • LagunaBubbles

Another poor child being brought into an awful dysfunctional relationship.*

Really helpful post Confused

Taikoo · 24/02/2021 09:49

Sorry, I can't not ask.
Why are you having a third baby with him?

BrilliantBetty · 24/02/2021 09:51

Horrible situation.
It's a shame for the child. But the best thing for them will be a clean break. Non of the breaking up, messaging, getting back together, cheating and ultimately breaking up again.
It's predictable, incredibly damaging and it's unforgivable with children involved.

Stay strong and let this be the final break up. The end of the relationship for good.
Decide on it in your mind and stick to it absolutely. You'll be doing yourself and DC the biggest favour of your lives.

AryaStarkWolf · 24/02/2021 09:59

@Catsandkittens638297

He ended up sending an indecent picture, in which I replied a picture of my self telling him to go f#ck himself. He just laughed about it. And was like "Asif you baited me hahah". He said his options are to kill himself or leave me and he's sick of been an adult basically Long story short think we've broke up.
He sounds like a peach. You will be better off on your own
PopsicleHustler · 24/02/2021 10:02

Hes an absolute pig. Let him get out of your life. Chuck all his stuff in plastic bags and bin liners and a note to say what you think of him. Or rather combine what other pp have said and write it down. What a pig. ... I hate men who cheat on their wives. Makes me sick .

Serendipity79 · 24/02/2021 10:02

They always turn it around, that's what people like this do. When I caught my ex in places where he shouldn't be, and talking to multiple women, it was always my fault for searching this information out, never his fault for actually doing any of it.

Doesn't matter how much better or worse off financially you would be, you need to set your bar higher than being with someone who actively tries to cheat on you and your family, and worse - blames you when you discover the behaviour

notanothertakeaway · 24/02/2021 10:09

Some unhelpful, judge posts on here. Woukd you say that to OP's face?

OP, you deserve better. This is hard for you, but in the long run, better for you and your children. He has shown you who he is. Believe him

Dozycuntlaters · 24/02/2021 10:14

Ffs, will people stop asking why she's having another child, she's 28 weeks pregnant, just bloody stop.

OP, although it doesn't seem like it, separating really is the best thing all round, he sounds manipulative and horrid. You WILL be ok, so stay strong and don't let him talk you round.

HugeAckmansWife · 24/02/2021 10:24

ok so practicalities time. This IS happening, so: Do you have evidence of his earnings, or can you get it, while he is away? Payslips etc? Ideally details of pension too. What sort of access to money do you have? If its a joint account, I'd suggest opening a single one in your name and transferring at least 50% ASAP, like today. If possible, get a 0% credit card sorted so you can access and pay for some legal advice straightaway. He doesn't get to choose to not be an adult, he is a father so very least he has to do is pay toward them. Get on the CAB and find out what benefits you can claim as a single parent - its different for everyone. Is there anyone in RL who can have the kids for a day or two while you get this sorted, both practically and emotionally? This will be tough, but lots of have done and do get through it. Best of luck - and post on the Relationships board - lots of excellent and advice and experience there.

bigbird1969 · 24/02/2021 10:24

If your in the UK you should contact citizens advice and see what options you have for benefits etc. That would be the first thing, if you have any shared assets, like a house etc speak to a lawyer..

Have some clear plans in your head before baby number 3 arrives. Sounds tough all round.

nimbuscloud · 24/02/2021 10:24

What sort of picture did you send?

Cantflex · 24/02/2021 10:25

People asking why she’s having another child

None of your bloody business - stop being rude and judgemental

As if you lead perfect lives Confused

JustTurtlesAllTheWayDown · 24/02/2021 10:28

The only reason he'd try 'turn it around' would be because he'd know he got caught and was trying to deflect blame so he'd get away with it.
So sorry you're having to deal with this, OP. I've been in the same situation.

BloggersBlog · 24/02/2021 10:29

@Cantflex

People asking why she’s having another child

None of your bloody business - stop being rude and judgemental

As if you lead perfect lives Confused

She gave the info - she didnt have to, so it IS people's business. That is the point of Mumsnet, people give info, we judge/sypathise/ask questions, OP gets opinions.

Not a lot of point in AIBU if people are not meant to judge Hmm

RunningFromInsanity · 24/02/2021 10:30

Well both are acceptable options so he needs to hurry up and decide.

In the mean time you need to look at the practicalities, who owns the home, do you need to go on the council housing list, what benefits are you entitled to, how much money you have access to etc.

Ideally you and the children stay in the family home and he leaves, I would start packing his stuff now so when he returns he can’t hang around and try and talk you round.

Lorw · 24/02/2021 10:40

Kick him out. You can manage on your own, please don’t let the financial side of things make you stay, everything works out in the end. He will have to pay maintenance and support the children and have them for contact, you will also have a divorce settlement. You deserve better and will find better than a lying, cheating scumbag.

SooMoony · 24/02/2021 10:41

He sounds very childish, and I think you would be better off without him. Tell him the relationship is over. Reach out to friends and family in real life for support. Don't let your children grow up thinking their father's behaviour is acceptable.

Original poster
Catsandkittens638297 · 24/02/2021 10:52

@nimbuscloud a selfie with my middle finger up, captioned "fuck you (and his name)" straight after he sent a dick pick

OP posts: