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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH and Stag almost week!

414 replies

drivenmadbyhomeschool · 23/02/2021 15:37

I really don't know if I ABU.

DH has just come in and asked me if I mind if he goes on a stag 'weekend' for what will actually be six days and nights to Las Vegas in November. I feel strongly that he's taking the piss massively.

Key facts are:

-We can afford it without it impacting family at all
-We have two young children, an autistic 5 year old that I am full time carer for and a 2.5 year old.

  • I have not had even a night away on my own since the children were born. He would facilitate this, but the child I am a carer for relies upon me too greatly at the moment, especially overnight. Plus all of my close friends have young families at the moment so trying to get away overnight just doesn't happen!
  • in non Covid times he often (maybe every three months) goes away for the weekend with his friends, sometimes abroad, which I don't mind
  • He hadn't seen this friend in years, they are not close we'd be very much 'evening guests' to the wedding. We've never even met his fiancée.
  • I have mentioned going to Vegas several times for our joint 40th's for a weekend as I've always wanted to go and see it and he's never been very keen, but the minutes his mates ask him he jumps at it.

This is aside from the fact that I think generally when you're nearly 40 years old and have a young family with a disabled child it's completely unnecessary to bugger off for nearly a week on a glorified piss up.

Before anyone accuses me of being overly controlling, he has a sport hobby and another leisure hobby that I have no objection to, and generally he's a good father and we have a good relationship. I just think this is a step too bloody far. I do have some leisure time of my own, but really it can't be equal at the moment. I certainly couldn't disappear for a week!

Thoughts?

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 04/03/2021 09:55

And tbh I doubt USA will allow Uk in

wifterwafter · 04/03/2021 10:15

No absolutely not.

drivenmadbyhomeschool · 06/03/2021 19:31

He's not going. We had a long discussion about it and I explained why I thought it was such a bad idea. He also went off moaning at some point to his mother about what a horrible old cow I am objecting so, while he was annoyed, and she gave him an absolute earful (she's fab, my MIL).

I'm don't know exactly what was said but I believe it was something along the lines of 'grow the hell up, you're being a total arse'.

He has apologised. I have said I don't think he needs to apologise for wanting to go, but to actually think he could atm is unreasonable. He agrees, now he's had time to think about it.

We are going to ensure that we work on trying to get a night away together some time over the next year or so. It might not be possible, yet, but we're going to start with a meal out once DD is settled in bed (she sleeps well, from bedtime until about midnight!) and go from there. Once restrictions are lifted MIL and FIL will be happy to come and babysit.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 06/03/2021 19:38

Good result OP.

timeisnotaline · 06/03/2021 20:56

Good result but such a shame you had to have this conversation. I don’t suppose he apologised for being a total arse?

Nothing7 · 06/03/2021 21:22

@drivenmadbyhomeschool

He's not going. We had a long discussion about it and I explained why I thought it was such a bad idea. He also went off moaning at some point to his mother about what a horrible old cow I am objecting so, while he was annoyed, and she gave him an absolute earful (she's fab, my MIL).

I'm don't know exactly what was said but I believe it was something along the lines of 'grow the hell up, you're being a total arse'.

He has apologised. I have said I don't think he needs to apologise for wanting to go, but to actually think he could atm is unreasonable. He agrees, now he's had time to think about it.

We are going to ensure that we work on trying to get a night away together some time over the next year or so. It might not be possible, yet, but we're going to start with a meal out once DD is settled in bed (she sleeps well, from bedtime until about midnight!) and go from there. Once restrictions are lifted MIL and FIL will be happy to come and babysit.

What a star your MIL is! I know it’s frustrating that he couldn’t see how selfish it was himself but fair play to her being honest, some MILs would stick behind their sons. So glad he’s been able to see sense.

Hope you manage to get your trip together

LongTimeMammaBear · 06/03/2021 21:26

edding. We've never even met his fiancée.

  • I have mentioned going to Vegas several times for our joint 40th's for a weekend as I've always wanted to go and see it and he's never been very keen, but the minutes his mates ask him he jumps at it.

This point would be the massive one for me because you say he wouldn’t have an issue your having time away. It’s the going someplace you’d like to go, but now he’d go without you

PurpleFlower1983 · 06/03/2021 21:46

Good result OP and for what it’s worth YANBU at all.

RandomMess · 07/03/2021 00:12

Good on your MIL for pointing out the obvious!

I hope the getting out together goes well 🤞

Trumpety · 07/03/2021 01:06

To be honest, hopefully things should be pretty much back to normal by September (fingers crossed), which means:

  1. He will be back in the office, so not around much during week days anyway, so it is actually only the weekend he will be missing
  1. Your DD will be back at school, meaning you will get a break during school hours given that you are a SAHM

I think you should “let” him go

Trumpety · 07/03/2021 01:06

Oops, scrap that. Just realised I missed the latest update

ftm202020 · 07/03/2021 09:15

Glad it got resolved. So many cool wives here on this thread. Probably all the same ones who would be paying for their husbands to have a private dance in a strip club.

goodbyelenin · 07/03/2021 09:27

@ftm202020

Glad it got resolved. So many cool wives here on this thread. Probably all the same ones who would be paying for their husbands to have a private dance in a strip club.
projecting much? Grin

If you are happy to live with a husband banning you from having weekends with your girlfriends or god forbid going to a strip show, have a happy life. i couldn't live with such a controlling man, but I doubt mine is ever called a "cool husband' by his mates!

peak2021 · 07/03/2021 10:48

Thank you for updating and glad to read that sense has been seen and the response of your MIL.

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