To be a SAHM

[minniepink]

I’m having no luck with interviews and seriously considering just accepting and embracing life as a SAHM. But is it really as unwise as Mn make it out to be?

He must know you’ve had no luck so far with interviews so what’s his thinking on your options?

It seems very odd you haven’t ever discussed marriage. Did it not cross your mind when you started ttc?

As you’re not married I would strongly advise against it.

If you're a teacher then you will get a job, maybe not right now due to pandemic, but I think there will be more vacancies than usual come September.

I think over 50% of babies are born to unmarried couples, so it isn’t really ‘odd.’ My age meant TTC was the priority and as I’ve said I don’t want to sound cynical about it.

I don’t think so alien there seem to be an abundance of people chasing the same few jobs.

In that case I would not be a SAHM - you have a career but you could easily become left behind.

I’m an accountant. I worked PT after kids. I recently-ish recruited for my maternity cover and several women applied who were returning after a break for children - their skills had significantly deteriorated abs their technical knowledge was out of date. Not at ALL insurmountable but if they’d kept their toe in it would’ve been much easier for them.

Also you really don’t want to lose your teachers’ pension which is a fantastic scheme to be a part of.

Well no but my hand may be forced. It’s whether I explore other options or not really.

I didn’t say it was odd you’re not married. It’s odd you seem to suggest you’ve never discussed it. And you must have been pregnant for around 9 months.

If the two of you can’t discuss these sorts of things then juggling life as a SAHM may be tricky.

Have a look at the relationships and legal boards on here for tales of SAHMs who didn’t get married before quitting work or having babies and didn’t expect their partners to cheat, become financially abusive or die.

It is even more unwise than MN would lead you to believe.
Even if you got married/divorced leaving with settlement, you'll have no experience in any job, you won't be a prospective candidate for employment.
Do something on the side, if having no luck do a course, start an sna course online, you can do lots of small courses in this area they'll all benefit you.

A teacher? Same as me. Can't you do some part time tutoring?

Where do you live? I work in a small school - we have multiple vacancies every term - even during the pandemic.

It isn’t odd. It isn’t what you would do, but that doesn’t make it ‘odd’

I’m well aware of the pitfalls, that’s why I’m asking on here.

Hi OP. If you’re a qualified teacher, could you not do agency work? Or some tutoring?

Missed you were a teacher? Why not go for a TA position.

It might be difficult mrskeats, the market is a bit saturated but worth a try.

I’m in the West Midlands.

TA work wouldn’t cover the cost of childcare. Same issue with agency work.

Have you tried online schools?

No, I’m not really sure what they are or how I’d go about finding one!

Have a google. There's a few big ones and it's a growing sector. Trying not to out myself.

Seeing as you want another baby I’d probably wait (unless you are counting on the maternity pay) as you may have one soon and find juggling work and 2 DCs difficult.

Are you planning to stay a teacher? You could use the time being a SAHP to re-train or do an online course to enhance your current qualifications.

Yes, I was considering retraining. The maternity pay would help though.

What is your housing situation? Rent, own? Would you have access to the money and importantly how does your partner view money? "Family money" or his wage? I would definitely marry for the protection of your child before being totally financially dependent on your partner.

I say this as a long term SAHM. Money, how and what you spend it on I think is the crux of most arguments. Dh and I do have a "financial meeting" every year to review where we have spent money. We use a rewards credit card so it is easy to work out how much we spent and where. It helps with planning. If money is going to be tight then he may begrudge you buying a winter coat for £40 as demonstrated on here last week.

The law is set up so that if you want to live as a family financial unit you have to get married. Maybe it's wrong but it is so. Everything that you're saying - and I'm aware job hunting is dispiriting - indicates you are not feeling confident about yourself or that you 'deserve' anything. That is an absolutely TERRIBLE way to go into being a SAHM. Whether or not your DP wanted your baby he has one now and you are a team, so if you want to be a SAHM and he's on board get married and do it. But I would never advise anyone to do it unless it was 100% what they wanted and they were married. I was at home for a few years and it nearly sent me mad and put my self esteem in minus numbers.

We both own our properties but live in his. We don’t have a joint account at present - he transfers money into mine.

You’re probably right about that plant although in the interests of fairness it’s probably me not DP!

You’ve worked hard to become a teacher. Don’t just give it up completely. I’d at least do some tutoring to ‘keep your hand in’. Google the national tutoring programme. The govt are throwing money at this to help with post covid catch up